But, again, during that time he was dealing with the fallout of the strip poker and how he was likely feeling at the time. I don't know if he's ever talked to you about how that made him feel. This was likely his way of working through what you had done within your marriage prior to all of that happening. The point is, the past had some bad $^it on both sides and if you are on the path to getting better, say the course and leave the past in the past where the two of you are concerned. Keeping it in the present is toxic for your marriage.
As far as the woman goes, she obviously is very open when it comes to sex, getting naked with friends, or whatever else so she is on a totally different page than you are. She doesn't at all get how you feel, because to her it's no big deal. Take that as a lesson learned that you will be better off having close friends who are more like-minded and agree with your morals and beliefs.
Ya you are right! ughh I hate to say that. because I know I have tons of pride issues but you are right. the past is the past and I need to learn to keep it there and when I feel low to just think of what it was all really about. I would love to move you know I would love to get out of this state and start a new life with my family. Then I dont have to have stress and anxiety about this summer coming and seeing them camping and BBQ's all that jazz. You guys are all lucky in a sense that whom ever you were cheated on with was not someone you know personaly or were close to!
I know what you mean....my husband's office Christmas Party is more than enough for me, but even then he is with me and by my side being loving and sweet so that's all that's important to me in the end.
Ya I agree. I think that if he was all about me in front of them it would be a new story. But seriously I was like wow you are a A$$ that night when they told me. But then I have to remember he isnt a talker and he always was very pride filled and has a hard time opening up to emotions so I think that was his problem I hope! I love him so much and I am working to better this everday I really do get better! I still want to run her over with my car though lol
Every time the thought of "her" enters your mind...just think of purple elephants.
You NEED to distract yourself from "those" thoughts.
Concentrate on your marriage, forget her, distract yourself from her in any way you can.
Think of her as THE purple elephant (i.e. a huge fat animal!) -- how does that set in your mind? IOW, she's not worth the thought it takes to think about her.
I asked in the beginning and he was open about telling me how he felt at the time and that he's pretty sure it would have led to that if it continued. Because he was honest about everything else (and yes, at that point I verified phone records, credit card bills) and it matched what he said.
It probably took 6 months or so for me to stop having these types of thoughts (that maybe I didn't know the whole story) At some point early on I did the same thing that someone above suggested...I thought, even if he did have sex with her I would still want to continue to re-build our marriage and what we have today...that helped me to stop worrying about the what-if's ... coupled with how loving and remorseful he was.
The closer we become the easier it is to look back and realize as hard as it was for him to do, he really did open up to me when I needed him to so now I don't have any reason to question anything he did/said at that time.
Ya I just feel that he has already lied once during all this coming out. He says that he didnt want to tell me after he rememeberd cause he thinks I would have left him. So if he did have sex he for sure wont tell me cause he even said himself that if you do that its something that you cant return from it would be unforgettable and over. So I just think that maybe I am confusing my knotted feelings in my stomach and my chest with stuff I am thinking up on my own.
well last night was a VERY VERY BAD NIGHT. I got so mad at him because I am reading this book and it talkes about getting over betrayel and forgiving people. Well one of the steps in forgiving after something like this happends is to learn why it happend to fix it and it never happen again. Well he knows why he kissed her. But he tells me he doesnt know why he was grabbing her a$$ during the kiss? he says its not sexual how to I believe that? I was so torn to threads last night I couldnt sleep at all and I had that burning in my back and up the back of my neck and chest. NO its not heart burn. I swear I am going to have a break down. I just done get how a man that you give everything to can do that to you?
Nor how a wife can play strip poker and flirt shamelessly with men while she knows her husband is watching her, convincing him that she is "just not that into him" . Its a mystery, go figure.
thats the thing though I really dont think that me playing strip poker even compairs to what he has done at all. I think that what he did is by far worst then what I did. I just dont get when he was so hurt why the hell he would go and do something like that? seriously to go from crying the first time she kissed him to him coming on to her. WTF? I never came on to any of him friends ever. and last night he was so cold to me he slept on the sofa didnt want to sleep or talk to me at all just didnt want to hear it.
Congratulations sunflower, you have managed to completely undo all the progress you have made, and reverted back to where you were a month ago. Keep up the good work.
I KNOW geez why the hell do I keep going backwords why cant I just be normal and move on with this? why am I this butt hurt over this? I am losing my F(*&@#^ mind why do I do this to myself?
well last night was a VERY VERY BAD NIGHT. I got so mad at him because I am reading this book and it talkes about getting over betrayel and forgiving people. Well one of the steps in forgiving after something like this happends is to learn why it happend to fix it and it never happen again. Well he knows why he kissed her. But he tells me he doesnt know why he was grabbing her a$$ during the kiss?
I think you are missing the point of the book. It is not to determine the reason for every detail of what he did at that moment but to determine the state of your marriage at the time it happened and take some ownership in that (ie strip poker)...if you can see where things were 'off' (the two of you not feeling close/connected) you can take steps to change that...if alcohol was involved, you can put boundaries in place regarding that...that is what will give you the feeling you can take actions that will likely prevent this in the future, see your own fault in the situation (ie strip poker) and have a better feeling about him, your marriage, forgiveness.
Re: would you kiss or have sex in revenge? 
IOW, she's not worth the thought it takes to think about her. 
