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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 12-23-2008, 05:55 PM   #61 (permalink)
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Default Re: would you kiss or have sex in revenge?

So, if your husband gave other women attention and you felt left out, undesired by HIM, your HUSBAND...and then he broke his vows to love, honor and cherish by playing strip poker with another couple making you feel even more unloved, disrespected as his WIFE...and along comes the same strip poker friend planting a kiss...you would not be tempted? You would not think, maybe this will make me feel a LITTLE better about what he has done in this marriage? No, it was not right, but honestly, read InForTheDuration's last post over and over until you really get it....your last post indicates you might be getting there.

Your marriage has not been a mature relationship up until this point. Your husband sees that and is trying to make it right...it's all in your court now whether you can see it from his end, understand how he must have felt and decide to move forward together by putting some boundaries in place where you don't do things for 'fun' at the expense of your spouse. If you are not ready to do that, you are not ready for marriage.
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Old 12-24-2008, 10:32 AM   #62 (permalink)
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Default Re: would you kiss or have sex in revenge?

I am sorry to hear he left. But to tell you the truth, you have been so obsessed with his every thought and feeling during his indiscretions, I can't imagine him doing anything BUT leave. We have all told you....stop obessesing! Stop beating a dead horse. You made some bad choices, he made some bad choices...put it behind you and start over! Have you even looked into finding a counselor?
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Old 12-24-2008, 12:38 PM   #63 (permalink)
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Default Re: would you kiss or have sex in revenge?

Are marriage had been very immature we were married at 22 years old had our first child at 21 barley and I think that we never were really ready to grow up. Both of us were very selfish. He is trying and he is trying hard he knew he messed up he is trying to make it right. I keep punishing him I dont know that I am doind it half the time though. I think that I just get caught up in the visuals of it and him rubbing her and I kringe of the thought then I get pridful and angry. He is now scared to even touch my butt cause he thinks I will get all crazy in thoughts. I admit I am a mess and I have never been in love and cheated on so my experiance is hard. I guess you picture this perfect marriage of nothing touching it and you see people on the outside having struggle and you think ya we are fighting all the time but he would never cheat. But I think for people to think like that they are stupid to think that your marriage is cheat proof is false cause it can happen all to easily. We are going to counseling and its helping I think our next session this friday. I am going to have him talk just talk not me everytime its all about me. But I just want it on him this time. The friend makes me sick to she is not a friend regardless of her saying she did it to help a friend out or not thats not a friend she started it and he ended it. I hope that this is the last time it will happen and honestly this I have to keep reminding myself is not that bad considering it could have been alot worst.
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Old 12-24-2008, 01:28 PM   #64 (permalink)
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Default Re: would you kiss or have sex in revenge?

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Just the question you ask "would you kiss or have sex in revenge?" Grow up. That's why he wants to leave. YOU ARE A GAME PLAYER. And he is getting sick of it.
As I said in the beginning of this thread, I can understand cheating, but a vengeful person, I would run a mile from. I don't ever want to play or be played. I see marriage as a fortress where two people stick together like glue, and keep all the world's vengeance on the outside.

Of course there will be squabbles, heated rows, freeze outs and who knows what. But when you actually set out to hurt your spouse, you need to get a grip - fast.
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Old 12-24-2008, 01:46 PM   #65 (permalink)
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Default Re: would you kiss or have sex in revenge?

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So I am a mess today. My husband told me this morning that he is leaving. He says that I am never going to work on bettering this and I just keep going back and asking the same questions over and over and over I am in a way obsessed.
.
.
I think I just ruined my life and lost my husband...
The fact he left shows he is clear headed. Your head is not clear. You need to cut out the drugs and booze. Then your life will improve even if you do nothing else.
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Old 12-26-2008, 03:34 PM   #66 (permalink)
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Default Re: would you kiss or have sex in revenge?

Ok so I think thats crap really I do. I am supposed to pay for his mistake he can just dismiss me and my feelings? I think that he should have to listen to my thoughts and my emotions of it all. He did this I didnt do this? I guess I am just confused on what you are saying? I dont think that cheating is right I dont think that vengance is right either.
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Old 12-26-2008, 05:22 PM   #67 (permalink)
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Default Re: would you kiss or have sex in revenge?

Sunflower. You need to go back and read you last couple of posts. You had made progress but you're back sliding now. Remember you naked, other couple? Remember how you treat your husband when there are other men around "you're just not into your him". Look if you keep forgetting that you're the one that got the ball rolling, just let your husband go and find some who is "that into him".
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Old 12-27-2008, 06:31 AM   #68 (permalink)
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Default Re: would you kiss or have sex in revenge?

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Ok so I think thats crap really I do. I am supposed to pay for his mistake he can just dismiss me and my feelings?
You appear to want to make him pay for your mistake as well.

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I think that he should have to listen to my thoughts and my emotions of it all.
Well the fact is he does not. His leaving is proof of that.

If you are taking a lot of booze and drugs, you will not be getting a clear picture of what is going on. It's up to you.
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Old 12-27-2008, 08:23 AM   #69 (permalink)
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Sunflower, you have frickkin amnesia. No wonder he is separating himself from you. And he is most definitely separating himself from you. He won't touch your butt, communication is you *****ing about/to him. You don't accept responsibility for your own actions. I'll bet you do **** and say **** to him all the time and he just takes it. Because he loves you. Hey when you are talking to the other guys at parties and he tries to get into the conservation, what comes to mind? Why don't you shut up and leave me alone. I'll bet you dismiss him like he's dirt. Do you think your contempt for him shows on your face? I'll bet he sees it. So now he has had it up to here and is pulling away from you. Don't worry about it. You'll do fine on your own. All those guys that you flirt with in front of your husband will be lining up at your door. What a catch.
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Old 12-29-2008, 09:49 AM   #70 (permalink)
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Default Re: would you kiss or have sex in revenge?

so how do I fix this if I really love him and want to stay how do I fix this? and if you were in my situation would you stay? how would you make it better?
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Old 12-29-2008, 10:23 AM   #71 (permalink)
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Default Re: would you kiss or have sex in revenge?

sunflower-

If you truly want to get your life on track, you need a clear sober head - or nothing will work right for you. Otherwise you will go round in circles and not even know it.
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Old 12-29-2008, 10:27 AM   #72 (permalink)
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Default Re: would you kiss or have sex in revenge?

we dont drink or do drugs. Well we drink occasionally but NEVER drugs. NEVER.
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Old 12-29-2008, 10:52 AM   #73 (permalink)
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we dont drink or do drugs. Well we drink occasionally but NEVER drugs. NEVER.
OK That's good to hear. but I got a different impression reading the earlier part of your thread. Do you guys go an a binge once in a while?
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Old 12-29-2008, 11:23 AM   #74 (permalink)
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Default Re: would you kiss or have sex in revenge?

No all we do is drink with friends and stuff we are not like drink everynight at home people just mainly weekends and on the weekend thing thats if we are doing something not hard core drinkers. And I think why I am so broke up and having such a hard time was she was my best friend or so I thought. I think thats why the betrayal is so hard for me.
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Old 12-29-2008, 04:00 PM   #75 (permalink)
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Default Re: would you kiss or have sex in revenge?

Would it that your betrayal of your husband was "so hard on you" .
You seem to want to fix this but can't get out of your own way.

Have you told your husband that this is all the result of what you did and you recognize this. That you got exactly what you deserve and feel blessed that he didn't go further then he did. And that you will ask his forgiveness for starting this whole thing. That you will try to make it up to him for the rest of your lives. And that life without him would be meaningless.

Don't think about what he owes you. He can come up with his own apology. You worry about yours.

If your not ready to say this just let him go.
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