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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Oh no.... now what?

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 10-20-2011, 10:25 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Oh no.... now what?

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Originally Posted by lisa3girls View Post
I won't buy 'friendship'-- no way no how. I couldn't get anything from CID lookup. He has a cheap phone on my plan. I have no idea other than to take it from him to retrieve texts. I don't want to play games, if he is cheating he can leave... plain and simple.
if it is a cheap phone then it likely has a sim card

look for a sim card reader

they cost maybe $20-30 and you take the sim card out of the phone and insert it into the reader, it hooks up to your computer which will give you the stored info. The way deleted texts works is like this- when a text is deleted, it stays in the memory of the sim card UNTIL it is written over. So IOW you can read most of the deleted texts
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Old 10-20-2011, 10:25 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: Oh no.... now what?

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I dont' want to play games. If he is cheating, I just want it over. I was really hoping I was wrong and there was some logical explanation for it. What purpose will it serve to drag it out and catch him?
If you confront him without any more evidence than what you have now, I think he will tell you "we are just friends" and begin deleting any damning evidence.
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Old 10-20-2011, 10:25 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Oh no... now what?

So sorry that this is happening. You've been working so hard to improve the marriage, so I hope there can be a better explanation.
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Old 10-20-2011, 10:25 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: Oh no.... now what?

How is he reacting. Dollars to donuts she already told him. If he didnt mention it, you got a very serious problem and he should be confronted folloiwng the advice above
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Old 10-20-2011, 10:25 AM   #20 (permalink)
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lisa, what kind of phone does he have?
Some cheap Pantech
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Old 10-20-2011, 10:26 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: Oh no.... now what?

btw the fact that cidlookup didnt come back with an answer makes it possible that it is a "burner" phone (cheap phone with prepaid plan) and that OW is married as a result
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Old 10-20-2011, 10:28 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: Oh no.... now what?

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I won't buy 'friendship'-- no way no how.
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Originally Posted by lisa3girls View Post
I don't want to play games, if he is cheating he can leave... plain and simple.
You've already made your decision...
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Old 10-20-2011, 10:28 AM   #23 (permalink)
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If you confront him without any more evidence than what you have now, I think he will tell you "we are just friends" and begin deleting any damning evidence.
I won't believe him anyway. Who has a 'friend' their spouse never heard of... that is crap
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Old 10-20-2011, 10:29 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Are you willing to toss 23 years away? Is he? Some couples can recover if they both want to recover. Get the facts as several suggested above. If you are going to divorce, you may need it.
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Old 10-20-2011, 10:31 AM   #25 (permalink)
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Are you willing to toss 23 years away? Is he? Some couples can recover if they both want to recover. Get the facts as several suggested above. If you are going to divorce, you may need it.
How could I ever trust him again... he is playing me for a fool... I support all of us while he is out f--ing someone else?? How much worse can it get?
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Old 10-20-2011, 10:32 AM   #26 (permalink)
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I won't believe him anyway. Who has a 'friend' their spouse never heard of... that is crap
I agree completely.

If you're prepared to divorce him based on the phone records then why ask "now what"?
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Old 10-20-2011, 10:32 AM   #27 (permalink)
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Default Re: Oh no.... now what?

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Are you willing to toss 23 years away? Is he? Some couples can recover if they both want to recover. Get the facts as several suggested above. If you are going to divorce, you may need it.
Its still early in the process, but I think its important to note that HE threw it away, not her.
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Old 10-20-2011, 10:33 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Default Re: Oh no.... now what?

lisa, try to rein in the anger a touch
usually we have to tell betrayed spouses to get angry but you're already steaming

it is very important to gather as much info as you can

you need the facts to make a more informed decision
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Old 10-20-2011, 10:33 AM   #29 (permalink)
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I agree completely.

If you're prepared to divorce him based on the phone records then why ask "now what"?
I guess I am hoping he will at least give me the dignity after all this time of being honest and not try to pretend it isn't true. I guess I am hoping I don't need to try and 'catch' him anymore.
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Old 10-20-2011, 10:34 AM   #30 (permalink)
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lisa, try to rein in the anger a touch
usually we have to tell betrayed spouses to get angry but you're already steaming

it is very important to gather as much info as you can

you need the facts to make a more informed decision
Why? What kind of facts? This persons phone is all over our bill, from this month and last month at least. I haven't looked back farther yet. Either he has a reasonable explanation of who this is or he doesn't.
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