And I mentioned that! There are cases where people cheat for no damn good reason, and there are also cases where an environement has been created that makes it a lot more likely.
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Originally Posted by eagleclaw
I should point out I don't mean to advocate or excuse what he did cause I certainly do not - but it is a basis of how these things start. And why he immediately says "I guess I'll move out". He knows if you weren't putting effort into the relationship before this, and seemed uninterested, then you certainly aren't going to now.
The following was the quote I was referring to, however in finding it again I saw many other posts from this poster and it would appear that she had been trying for some time prior to this and he had been an ass. I think my synopsis was very premature and I offer my apologies to the original poster.
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Are you sure you aren't talking about my husband? That is exactly the kind of stupid thing he'd say... oh the drama, I said no a couple times at 5 am and suddenly we "NEVER" have sex anymore.
I tried to compromise, and my husband acted childish and copped an attitude, and now, we really do almost NEVER have sex. I hope you have better luck!
I got to a point with the continued, and then greatly presumptive knowledge that I would be denied, that I gave up asking. I told myself no matter what, shes going to have to approach me, because my self confidence by that time was a squashed piece of gum on the road. Screw "ego", imagine hearing others say that I had little self-esteem, after all that time. Well no sh!t..
Then again, I was required, both from within my own sense of honor and the commitment to my marriage, to turn down the interest of very beautiful women that would approach me.
All so I could go home, and sleep next to the wall of pillows between the frigid ex and I.
I would add get some IC to that list as well. I never felt the need for a lawyer right away although if you think things could get messy with him then that is a good idea.
How old are your girls?
I just called my daughter's counselor for a referral and advice... they are 17, 12 and 11 and they are going to be devestated. OMG
Not to sound calleous, but I've seen some of your other posts on other threads and it sounded like your weren't really having sex or intimacy with him anymore...... he probably figured you checked out of the marriage awhile ago and started getting the missing components from someone else. That's the danger of not providing the the core necessities to hold a relationship together, someone else always will.
No he did, I kept trying and he kept pushing me away... I got really suspicious after a while.
And I mentioned that! There are cases where people cheat for no damn good reason, and there are also cases where an environement has been created that makes it a lot more likely.
The following was the quote I was referring to, however in finding it again I saw many other posts from this poster and it would appear that she had been trying for some time prior to this and he had been an ass. I think my synopsis was very premature and I offer my apologies to the original poster.
Oh I think it is because he knows me well enough to know I am not putting up with this kind of crap. I told him I'd consider trying to go to counseling because we owe our marriage and our children that much but that he had 24 hours to decide and that the girl goes.
I just called my daughter's counselor for a referral and advice... they are 17, 12 and 11 and they are going to be devestated. OMG
well you've already demonstrated how strong you are to me in less than 3 posts so I have an inkling that your daughters will feel safe and secure in your care
Oh I think it is because he knows me well enough to know I am not putting up with this kind of crap. I told him I'd consider trying to go to counseling because we owe our marriage and our children that much but that he had 24 hours to decide and that the girl goes.
if he takes the MC path
you set down these rules:
1) No Contact with OW, no closure, no nothin', if she contacts him he must ignore it and tell you about it right away. Have him write a NC letter (we have one here as an example) and send it by certified mail to the OW.
2) He must be completely transparent- all passwords freely given, allow you access to his phone, etc. At the same time you should verify thru spying methods.
3) He must show true remorse. He must do the heavy lifting and take 100% of the blame of the affair. He must always answer all of your questions, repeatedly if necessary, and never protect the OW.
I told him I know things haven't been fantastic but that sticking letting someone else in your pants never fixed it. I feel so betrayed.
I'm sure you do. Being the perverbial 'last to know' is infuriating too. All the time you spent thinking you needed to fix something within yourself to please him seems so much of a waste now. It wasn't you at all, and now you have confirmation that it wasn't.
He's morally bankrupt. To put you and those girls through that torture day and night says so much about who he really is. A selfish bastard of a man. I'm not sure I would want a reconcilation of any kind with him. He's not worthy.
You're doing great. You sound strong - you ARE strong. Your girls are going to be fine because you are going to be fine. Like you said, you don't need him!!
Almostrecovered posted a good list of things to start with if you do the MC route. If you do that, make sure you have a counselor who knows what you need - do not let them tell you to 'get over it' or any of that BS.
My daughter was 16 when I kicked my husband out and all she needed to know was if I was all right. As long as she knew I was doing what *I* wanted to do, as hard as it was, she was ok.
Re: Oh no.... now what? 
