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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Oh no.... now what?

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 10-20-2011, 02:56 PM   #91 (permalink)
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It is in your nature as a mother to worry but try not to worry about your little ones. They are YOUR daughters. And if your strength is anything like it seems to be, you've taught them well. And they will get through this difficult ordeal just fine.
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Old 10-20-2011, 05:10 PM   #92 (permalink)
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Well he was apparently so discreet (NOT), that my 17 year old figured out what happened...she just came to my room to tell me she knew and she suspected but didn't think it was her place to say anything, and of course it wasn't.
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Old 10-20-2011, 05:18 PM   #93 (permalink)
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That's horrible that he let her find out. I am so mad on your behalf
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Old 10-20-2011, 05:18 PM   #94 (permalink)
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Hang in there. You appear to have strong kids.
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Old 10-20-2011, 05:20 PM   #95 (permalink)
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Well he was apparently so discreet (NOT), that my 17 year old figured out what happened...she just came to my room to tell me she knew and she suspected but didn't think it was her place to say anything, and of course it wasn't.
What's her demeanor? Mad at her dad? Scared? Confused? Upset with you?
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Old 10-20-2011, 06:20 PM   #96 (permalink)
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What's her demeanor? Mad at her dad? Scared? Confused? Upset with you?
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She seems ok, she seems sorry for me, she seems sorry she couldn't tell me.
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Old 10-20-2011, 07:49 PM   #97 (permalink)
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She seems ok, she seems sorry for me, she seems sorry she couldn't tell me.
I read your other post. Why not tell H you're stunned, upset, hurt beyond belief and you're reacting. Tell him you need some thinking time and take a few days. A decision doesn't need to be made today.
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Old 10-20-2011, 10:26 PM   #98 (permalink)
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I read your other post. Why not tell H you're stunned, upset, hurt beyond belief and you're reacting. Tell him you need some thinking time and take a few days. A decision doesn't need to be made today.
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I am honestly scared he is going to take me to the cleaners on alimony. He hasn't worked in years... and it isn't fair. If we were working together and things just weren't going to improve I wouldn't behoove it to him, but damn, he just up and ****ed someone else.... this changes my attitude you know?
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Old 10-20-2011, 11:18 PM   #99 (permalink)
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I am honestly scared he is going to take me to the cleaners on alimony. He hasn't worked in years... and it isn't fair. If we were working together and things just weren't going to improve I wouldn't behoove it to him, but damn, he just up and ****ed someone else.... this changes my attitude you know?
I know. Does he have inheritance yet? The one he was 'saving' for his retirement?
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Old 10-21-2011, 05:35 AM   #100 (permalink)
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I am honestly scared he is going to take me to the cleaners on alimony. He hasn't worked in years... and it isn't fair. If we were working together and things just weren't going to improve I wouldn't behoove it to him, but damn, he just up and ****ed someone else.... this changes my attitude you know?

alimony and child support and at fault divorces are dependent on state laws, try googling "(your state) family laws" to see what applies to your situation

when are you seeing your lawyer?
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Old 10-21-2011, 06:10 AM   #101 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by lisa3girls View Post
I am honestly scared he is going to take me to the cleaners on alimony. He hasn't worked in years... and it isn't fair. If we were working together and things just weren't going to improve I wouldn't behoove it to him, but damn, he just up and ****ed someone else.... this changes my attitude you know?
In addition to the internet, there are usually relatively inexpensive books on divorce in each state, usually written by lawyers with plenty of experience. You can get these pretty quickly on internet book sellers. When my wife and I were considering divorce, the book I got cleared up many false assumptions that I made. For instance, in my state, if you are the primary breadwinner, and you have primary custody of the children, the spouse is lucky to get anything. My case was very different because money wouldn't be an issue between us, due to her own financial security.

Try to appeal to his sense of what is best for your daughters. If you never had the resouces to make their college financial planning a priority, make it a big deal now with the lawyer. Talk about monthly goals for saving for their education, and your huge fear that their father will not be able to help them like you will. Remember that your children are the priority in the eyes of many judges. Your husband is not in an enviable position now, due to his infidelity, and your current housing situation for your children.
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Old 10-21-2011, 06:46 AM   #102 (permalink)
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I know. Does he have inheritance yet? The one he was 'saving' for his retirement?
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Yes, he has it and he also has 1/4 interest in his mother's house which as a lakefront property is probably significant.
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Old 10-21-2011, 06:47 AM   #103 (permalink)
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alimony and child support and at fault divorces are dependent on state laws, try googling "(your state) family laws" to see what applies to your situation

when are you seeing your lawyer?
I am going to try and contact one today. My head is reeling.
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Old 10-21-2011, 07:35 AM   #104 (permalink)
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Lisa--I just read your thread.

Who is the OW? Is she married/partnered? If so, yoU MUST out her to her partner immediately.

As for your husband, since he admitted and wants out I would tell him he can GTFO. He's not welcome in your home as long as he's betraying you and carrying on with some wh*re. Make that crystal clear. Do not be nice to him. Do not reward his bad behavior.

Go see a lawyer and discuss your options.

Tough love is the only way to approach this. DO NOT CHASE AFTER SOMEONE who is running away from you!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you beg him to stay and cry for him, he will see you as a weak woman. Show him you are NOT and you don't need this bullsh*t in your life.

And do NOT text her again. She is a ****roach and not worth the dirty on the street.

DO expose her cheating if she is married/and to her family.
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Old 10-21-2011, 08:09 AM   #105 (permalink)
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Lisa--I just read your thread.

Who is the OW? Is she married/partnered? If so, yoU MUST out her to her partner immediately.

As for your husband, since he admitted and wants out I would tell him he can GTFO. He's not welcome in your home as long as he's betraying you and carrying on with some wh*re. Make that crystal clear. Do not be nice to him. Do not reward his bad behavior.

Go see a lawyer and discuss your options.

Tough love is the only way to approach this. DO NOT CHASE AFTER SOMEONE who is running away from you!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you beg him to stay and cry for him, he will see you as a weak woman. Show him you are NOT and you don't need this bullsh*t in your life.

And do NOT text her again. She is a ****roach and not worth the dirty on the street.

DO expose her cheating if she is married/and to her family.
He says she is not married. I already called a lawyer and am waiting to hear back. So far, he hasn't touched the money-- I looked. I see a counselor today, and maybe my family doctor. I am crushed.
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