Re: Oh no.... now what?
If my husband worked with the OW, he would have to change jobs. If she was on his ball team, he'd be dropping that ball team. If it was my sister, I'd probably freak at both of them. A friend, they'd not be a friend any longer.
What to watch out for would be the same whether I knew who she was or not. No contact means no contact. It's up to him to prove it too, moreso than it's up to me to find out about it. Sure I will snoop in his phone and his email and his bank statements, but I still do that and there never was another woman for me in the first place. I'm not seeing how it matters if I know exactly who she is or not, really.
And Almostrecovered, maybe I am not typical in my reactions. Hence where I said that if it's something you feel you do need right away, then go for it. I just don't think every BS needs to be told right off the bat that they have to find out who it is, because not everyone is going to need that right away.
My thinking is pretty black and white I guess. He fu*ked up therefore it's up to him to prove he's being 'good'. If he doesn't do so, then he's out the door. If I ask for proof of something and he won't provide it, then he's in trouble. Trust, but make HIM verify.