This is my first post and could use some advice. Sorry it's so long, but this is everything.
I've been married to my husband for 7 years and together for almost 12, no kids. We've had a generally good relationship, the normal ups and downs. For the last 4 years we've had a major disconnect. Around that time I changed careers to something I thoroughly enjoy, but also required me to travel on a weekly basis. Before the career change it was mostly about him and his career. I made his life mine. At the time it seemed ok, but I started to feel lost. So once the travel started with work I tried my best to call often and spend as much time with my husband as possible. Everything seemed ok, then me being gone was beginning to be too much. When I started to feel a strain on the marriage I asked to go part tme and now only travel 3 days a week, maybe 2 weeks out the month. It was unfortunate because I felt I was taking a step back, but I had hoped it would help our relationship.
My husband has a temper and can fly off the handle very easily. So any type of arguement ends with me being silent and him walking away. This has always been something I've asked for him to change. To speak to me with repsect, that we're both adults. But it hasn't. It even gets to the point when he'll threaten our marrige if I don't stop talking to him. So we basically have the same fights all the time.
Last December, he had been acting extremely distant and when I confortonted him about why he rarely speaks to me, he said he has nothing to talk about or is thinking about work. Now, I've never not trusted him and never suspected him to lie to me. But I noticed he was texting a certain number all the time. As much as 30 times a day and from very early in the morning (7am) to very late at night (11p). I found out it was a female co-worker at the shop we owned. I waited for a few days to see if he would tell me about their friendship, that's what I had hoped it was. When he didn't, I looked in his phone and found some messages that were inappropriate. One was sent to him while I was out of town asking "If he was still solo for the night?". I completely lost it. I asked him who he was sending the texts to and he lied and said it was to another co-worker and they were just messing around. I asked 3 more times and he continued the lie. About 15 min later, he asked if we could talk about it. He said they were good friends and he didn't know how I would take them being friends. I then asked him about the texts when I was out of town and he turned white. He sad he knew they were inappropriate and didn't know how to respond. He also said that nothing happened between them physically. Which I don't know if I truly believe him. After that, I decided to change what I thought I was doing wrong and we tried to work on the relationship, the next three months were great. I did everything I could to make him know I loved him.
A minor issue came up and I thought I could talk to him openly, since we were both moving forward. He blew up at me worse than ever before. He said "F" you, Go "F" yourself and "F" off. He even said if you want to save this marriage you'll "F" off. I was speechless...I've never heard him speak to my that way, ever. It felt like a light switch and my emotions turned off. It's been since April and nothings changed. I feel a little for him, but really it's more I don't want to hurt him. The whole emotional affair and the blow up devastated me and I don't know what to do.
I need to mention that right before the major blow up I met someone. When I met this man a feeling came over me that I have never felt before in my life. I was completely enamoured with him. The conversations we had while he was in town were amazing and I didn't want them to end. He even said to me that he couldn't believe he had finally met a beautiful girl that he actually liked talking to and she was married. This has me evne more confused. I rarely talk to him and I'm very careful that no signals are being sent. My husband has met him and hung out with him. I've even tell him when we speak. But this overwhelming feeling will not go away. I don't know if I should stay or go. Help!
I've been married to my husband for 7 years and together for almost 12, no kids. We've had a generally good relationship, the normal ups and downs. For the last 4 years we've had a major disconnect. Around that time I changed careers to something I thoroughly enjoy, but also required me to travel on a weekly basis. Before the career change it was mostly about him and his career. I made his life mine. At the time it seemed ok, but I started to feel lost. So once the travel started with work I tried my best to call often and spend as much time with my husband as possible. Everything seemed ok, then me being gone was beginning to be too much. When I started to feel a strain on the marriage I asked to go part tme and now only travel 3 days a week, maybe 2 weeks out the month. It was unfortunate because I felt I was taking a step back, but I had hoped it would help our relationship.
My husband has a temper and can fly off the handle very easily. So any type of arguement ends with me being silent and him walking away. This has always been something I've asked for him to change. To speak to me with repsect, that we're both adults. But it hasn't. It even gets to the point when he'll threaten our marrige if I don't stop talking to him. So we basically have the same fights all the time.
Last December, he had been acting extremely distant and when I confortonted him about why he rarely speaks to me, he said he has nothing to talk about or is thinking about work. Now, I've never not trusted him and never suspected him to lie to me. But I noticed he was texting a certain number all the time. As much as 30 times a day and from very early in the morning (7am) to very late at night (11p). I found out it was a female co-worker at the shop we owned. I waited for a few days to see if he would tell me about their friendship, that's what I had hoped it was. When he didn't, I looked in his phone and found some messages that were inappropriate. One was sent to him while I was out of town asking "If he was still solo for the night?". I completely lost it. I asked him who he was sending the texts to and he lied and said it was to another co-worker and they were just messing around. I asked 3 more times and he continued the lie. About 15 min later, he asked if we could talk about it. He said they were good friends and he didn't know how I would take them being friends. I then asked him about the texts when I was out of town and he turned white. He sad he knew they were inappropriate and didn't know how to respond. He also said that nothing happened between them physically. Which I don't know if I truly believe him. After that, I decided to change what I thought I was doing wrong and we tried to work on the relationship, the next three months were great. I did everything I could to make him know I loved him.
A minor issue came up and I thought I could talk to him openly, since we were both moving forward. He blew up at me worse than ever before. He said "F" you, Go "F" yourself and "F" off. He even said if you want to save this marriage you'll "F" off. I was speechless...I've never heard him speak to my that way, ever. It felt like a light switch and my emotions turned off. It's been since April and nothings changed. I feel a little for him, but really it's more I don't want to hurt him. The whole emotional affair and the blow up devastated me and I don't know what to do.
I need to mention that right before the major blow up I met someone. When I met this man a feeling came over me that I have never felt before in my life. I was completely enamoured with him. The conversations we had while he was in town were amazing and I didn't want them to end. He even said to me that he couldn't believe he had finally met a beautiful girl that he actually liked talking to and she was married. This has me evne more confused. I rarely talk to him and I'm very careful that no signals are being sent. My husband has met him and hung out with him. I've even tell him when we speak. But this overwhelming feeling will not go away. I don't know if I should stay or go. Help!