Should i play my hand?
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 10-23-2011, 10:27 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Should i play my hand?

So i've reached the angry phase of the separation process, I just had enough of the wife blameshifting me and her trying to convince everyone of how horrible i was. Well i got on her pretty bad today and she still doesn't admit to an affair and say they are just friends. I stayed on her and well her mom just texted me to leave her alone because she is crying (she has been emotionless thoughout the separation and now she breaks down) and she doesn't have another man. Her mom told me to prove it. my wife and her mom are best friends, but i'm not sure if wife told her about this.

She is crying because maybe guilt is finally setting in???

anyway should i play my hand and present evidence to her mom??? or should i hold on to it for court?
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Old 10-23-2011, 10:32 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should i play my hand?

You don't have to prove anything to her mom. You don't even have to acknowledge her in any way. Your wife is crying because it's starting to get real for her. Save it for later.
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Old 10-23-2011, 10:38 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should i play my hand?

You don't have to explain anything to her mom who is probably on her side anyways. She is crying because she realized she no longer has you and doesn't have the OM either.
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Old 10-23-2011, 10:44 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should i play my hand?

Do not do it until after the divorce. And then, once all is settled, let it fly.

However, hopefully by then you won't even care.
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Old 10-23-2011, 10:49 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should i play my hand?

What is the evidence you have? Is it an undisputable kind?

I still say that you should move back in. And, you can also demand "poly" to prove her innocence if she adamantly denies any inappropriate relationship with the OM.
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Old 10-23-2011, 11:21 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should i play my hand?

i don't have the greatest evidence but i have word of mouth from alot of people that she was sleeping with this guy. And i have a message she sent someone saying she not a hoe she only slept with her husband (i was her first, we were young) and the OM (she used his name but i wont).

Is that good enough?

and i didn't mean show the evidence to just her mom to prove anything but to show them together that way she can't back her way out of it.
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Old 10-23-2011, 11:39 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should i play my hand?

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Originally Posted by tigercat View Post
i have a message she sent someone saying she not a hoe she only slept with her husband (i was her first, we were young) and the OM (she used his name but i wont).

Is that good enough?
Yes, the message from her admitting that she sleep with him is good enough. The fact that she had to defend herself from being called a hoe, is also an indication of what kind of wife she has been.
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Old 10-24-2011, 12:16 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should i play my hand?

Expose it !
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Old 10-24-2011, 02:34 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should i play my hand?

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Expose it !


Yes, expose it!!! If you don't, it is basically enabling her! I have learned this the hard way. My H had me convinced that our D was a personal event and we should not tell anyone.....wth?? No, what he really wanted was for me to be quiet so he could continue his A without anyone knowing. It is only "fun" when it is a secret. Do not let her feel comfortable running to him and complaining about her horrible marriage. The fog makes them say terrible things.
Expose it quickly....I waited way too long and felt horrible the entire time.
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Old 10-24-2011, 04:43 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should i play my hand?

You owe her mother nothing at all.
Tell her mother the evidence will be with the divorce papers when she gets served.
Also leave your wife alone. I mean REALLY alone. Don't respond to any bait she places, whether she's blameshifting or slating you. Just let everyone else know what she was doing.
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Old 10-24-2011, 08:30 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should i play my hand?

I would tell her mom straight up "I am not treating your daughter poorly. You know my marriage means the world to me. She is having an affair with X and ti's been going on since/about Month/Year. She has admitted to that she had sex with him and said XYZ."
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Old 10-24-2011, 08:40 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should i play my hand?

No, dont expose yet.

Continue to gather evidence.

Why dont you buy a few voice activated recorders (VAR) and plant them around the house and tape one underneath the seat of her car?

Are you planning on divorce?

Oh, as a rule, her mother wont be on your side.
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Old 10-24-2011, 02:49 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should i play my hand?

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Oh, as a rule, her mother wont be on your side.
Exactly. My MIL basically said "well, he just needs to get over it". That damn hag will never step foot in my house again for as long as I have breath in me.
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Old 10-24-2011, 03:42 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should i play my hand?

Well, I agree that if you could get even more solid evidence of your W's A, it would be great. But, you are not even living there anymore. Is there any chance you can get more evidence living away?
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Old 10-24-2011, 10:22 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should i play my hand?

its hard to get more evidence than what i have at my disposal. I can only get messages off her facebook she is writing, she doesn't know i'm able to read what she writes. The only more reliable evidence would be to get actual video of them having sex, i don't have money for a hidden camera so that is out of the question.
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