SPRelationshipCounselling

A Betrayal shakes your trust in the emotional bond you have with your partner. It's normal and human to have symptoms in response to the lack of safety and trust. Allow yourself to 'feel' the 'feelings' and get the anger out ( rather than turn it in on yourself ) and allow your body to process the emotion.
Anger sometimes covers the primary feelings of hurt and shame. Get support to express the primary feelings so they can pass. Avoid medicating yourself unless you really need to do so to function. Medication may prevent you releasing emotion.

Almostrecovered

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Proper dosages of anti-depressants don't suppress emotions

if anything it allows you to think clearer as when you go through such trauma your brain chemistry actually changes and makes you see through a cloud of sorts. The medication does NOT make you happy, it merely gives you a better chance to make yourself happy as existing in a deep depression seriously inhibits your ability to see beyond the pain.

this is not something most people can "feel or think" their way out of solely by itself.

I'm bipolar and would you ever recommend that I don't use medication and just use therapy alone? I would hope not. The brain is an organ, just like your liver and your heart and your colon.

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My story

X-unknown

Depression is not just being in a depressing situation. *Although I've been told that too many depressing things can cause depression. Meds don't shut off emotions or turn you into a veg. They change brain chemistry so its "normal" and let you function. A lot has happened in the last years that make depression, bipolar, adhd and anxiety problems "medical" In other words you can measure it / see it on an MRI type machine and see how the meds work (or don't) to allow the brain to function properly.

Letting it out (Primal scream?) is not the current thinking on how to treat depression.

Luonnotar

I wish I had found this forum earlier. I might have done things alot differently. My D Day has been more of a D-Quarter. Gradually finding out more and more over three months.
So far lost 17 pounds in two months, on anti depressants, and that was before my discovery of the text messaging two days ago. Then the crying and the insomnia started. Then yesterday was the discovery of a secret Facebook account, and that he's been going to casinos with her. Now I can't focus on work, I'm shaking, and sick to my stomach.
Oh, and I can't eat.
I gave him a week to make his decision (not having read the great newbie to infidelity post) and I have to make it through limbo for five more days. I can't bring myself to go back on my agreement; just because he's a lying idjit doesn't mean I have to sink to his level.
How long does this last?? I assume it will get better at some point, but from all the other posts it sounds like it may be a long process before I can function again.

SadandAngry

I decided, after I found out the full extent of what was going on, that I had to get healthier whether I was going to be married or not at the end of the day. I decided to go to the doctor before confronting my ws to get a jump on that. Wound up catching a cancer tumor in my bladder within a few weeks of testing.

I also lost about 25 lbs in the first week, and another 15 the next. Didn't really eat for about a week. Dropped down to 3 to 4 hours of sleep a night.

The best thing though was my thinking cleared right up. I knew exactly what to do to save my marriage (or at least give it the very best fighting chance before my anger kicked in months later).
When I did finally start to get angry, it was really rough for a while. The anger would bleed over into other areas of life, road rage, being short tempered at work, etc. Thankfully I managed to hold it all together for long enough to get past that stage without doing anything drastically stupid, though I did get a couple speeding tickets.

X-unknown

Hearing more details as time goes by seems to be pretty typical. The ones that spell it all out at once are (From what I've read) rare. I think a lot of us wish they would just tell it all so you can work from there. Its finding out that it was more then this then more then that, that "resets" you to D-Day #1 *Or so I think.

Does it get better? Yes and it can start over and need to get better a number of times. Check out to see if there is a BAN group around. Its been really helpful to me to sit down with other spouses that have been cheated on. Its a relief to talk to people who have been there. Therapy (Both couples and personal) can be a good place to talk as well. By the way one nice thing about BAN is that you meet people who are better so you at least know its possible