This past weekend I got stricken with a virus that gave me a fever and some stomach issues. (I'm not 100% now but well enough to work) It made me think of the last time I got sick like that-just shortly after my dday.
Being as that I'm a reflective person I wanted to stress the importance of seeing your physician as being one of the things to do when you have recently discovered infidelity.
I recently posted this in another thread-
Quote:
Originally Posted by Almostrecovered
be prepared for the following in the next few weeks-
major depression/crying bouts/breakdowns that come from little triggers
rapid weight loss/loss of appetite (some may overeat and gain weight)
lack of sleep/insomnia/nightmares (some may sleep too much and lose lack of desire to do anything)
possible bouts of nausea/diarrhea
waves of anxiety/panic attacks
possible suicidal thoughts (if this happens immediately get medical help)
lots of fantasizing of either violent events of your husband or OW or both or revenge tactics
lack of ability to concentrate or focus (be very careful while driving, I almost got into a big accident the day after dday)
forgetting appointments or events
physical shaking is possible as well
immune system getting suppressed and picking up nasty cold or flu
iow- lots of fun
this is why I often stress to make a doctor's appoint post dday, this is one of the most stressful events of your life and it effects you physically. There is no shame in getting anti-depressants or anti-anxiety pills for a period of time.
Then of course, you should also be seeing your doctor for STD testing. Even if you think it was merely an EA. (we get trickle truth often and PA's are more likely than you think. Also, sometimes EA's may be one of many affairs you don't know about) If you are trying to R then I also suggest you get your wayward spouse to test as well, in fact make it a condition of the R.
Remember folks, these are physicians bound by the Hippocratic Oath and can't tell others without your permission. They have seen much worse than your "embarrassing" STD test and probably have done them much more often than you think.
My message is clear, I know you are reeling from the news of infidelity but as hard as it is to remember, you must take care of yourself in order to fight, whether that is for R or D.
Re: Tip for the recently betrayed- see your doctor
Quote:
major depression/crying bouts/breakdowns that come from little triggers Definitely went through this
rapid weight loss/loss of appetite yup
lack of sleep/insomnia/nightmares no nightmares but the other two I'm still going through
possible bouts of nausea/diarrhea I don't know if it's the IBS or the situation triggering the IBS or both
waves of anxiety/panic attacks I have PTSD now because of all of this
possible suicidal thoughts (if this happens immediately get medical help) luckily, no. Thankfully, no - for me anyway
lots of fantasizing of either violent events of your husband or OW or both or revenge tactics OMG I thought I was the only one
lack of ability to concentrate or focus (be very careful while driving, I almost got into a big accident the day after dday)
forgetting appointments or events These two I still am going through, I have can't remember sh!t syndrome and would hazard a "unmotivated" to concentrate at this point
physical shaking is possible as well those have passed
immune system getting suppressed and picking up nasty cold or flu this is the hardest part, I already have a suppressed and cruddy immune system...sigh...it's worse now
Re: Tip for the recently betrayed- see your doctor
I had almost everything on the list except for suicidal thoughts. I was also light on the fantasizing about violent events happening to my H. I think it was because of the kids, the thought alone of them not having their Dad is painful. But those first few days, wow . . couldn't even stop random violent thoughts from popping into my head. Even when you know the reality of it would be more painful, they'd flash in your head regardless. No violent acts committed by me, but by either the OWH or accidents. Scary stuff, glad those were early on and short lived.
Don't know why I never had violent thoughs about the OW. I think I relished the thought more of her aging and having the Karma bus strike her down someday. She's 15 plus years younger than me and insecure. I know I've aged pretty well and the spiteful me wants her to age poorly as punishment. A much better fantasy than a violent end.
The other thing I didn't have was lack of sleep. Actually, I had the opposite problem. I slept all the freakin' time. It's like my body was shutting down and couldn't function enough to stay awake. Guess it's better than lack of sleep, but I felt groggy constantly. Would've been extremely hard to function if I was working at the time. I'd be awake for an hour, then go right back to sleep for a few more. To this day, if I'm having a bad day or a trigger . . . I sleep. It's my body's way of healing I guess.
It's actually hard to read the list and know I lived most of it, but it also shows how strong I am. If you told me a year ago I could survive weeks or months of suffering the items on that list, I would've thought no way. I'm now only a few months from the 1-year d-day mark and only have the random triggers now. Everything else is back to normal physically.
For those going through it now, you can survive it. If we can ride the tsunami of emotions and physical reactions, than so can you.
Re: Tip for the recently betrayed- see your doctor
Anyone have experience with anti-anxiety? I can't seem to control my thoughts and end up vibrating all the time. Sometimes it gives me a headache when it's worse.
Re: Tip for the recently betrayed- see your doctor
Quote:
Originally Posted by stuckinlimbo
Anyone have experience with anti-anxiety? I can't seem to control my thoughts and end up vibrating all the time. Sometimes it gives me a headache when it's worse.
I do actually, when my bipolar disorder manifested itself I also experienced high anxiety and even thought I was going to die of a heart attack at age 22 one time.
Took me about 2 years with meds and therapy to overcome it. It resurfaced a touch after dday but I had the tools to realize it and work through it quickly.
Re: Tip for the recently betrayed- see your doctor
Quote:
Originally Posted by stuckinlimbo
I have anti-depressants and blood pressure pills(blood pressure was from before my WS's affair).
well talk to him about it
anti-depressants can help anxiety but anti-anxiety pills are more effective- busbar, ativan, valium, xanax, etc
for me the key was learning that my panic attacks were merely just panic and having the realization that I'd be fine if I just waited them out. I know that is oversimplifying it. But in many ways you have retrain your thinking.
Re: Tip for the recently betrayed- see your doctor
yep, went through all of those, fortunately I also went for sinus surgery and so used the horrible recovery as a chance to get all of my self pity out of my system. I actually found I have only had one cold since my surgery to remove inflamed sinus, so can't say my immune system took a hit, I was actually sleeping better, so strike loss of sleep from the list too. But the depression has been tough, glad I got IC right away (was supposed to be MC but things just fell apart so quick that we never did MC) - feeling good today though, got a date later this week!
Re: Tip for the recently betrayed- see your doctor
I had it all including the suicidal thoughts.
First, a Psychiatrist to get me on anti-anxieties right away and anti-depressants for long term.
Then a therapist to start working through my issues that created the problems in the marriage that created the environment in which she cheated. And, of course, to understand that the cheating was her choice, and I'm not responsible for it.
Re: Tip for the recently betrayed- see your doctor
I followed the proscribed amount and wasn't knocked on my can, but understandably everyone is different and it's why you talk to your doctor about it and adjust dosages or try other meds.
Re: Tip for the recently betrayed- see your doctor
Anti Anxiety tablets and a caring Doctor were what saved me.
I had severe out of control shaking and was unable to sleep. The two were in a feedback loop.
The anxiety was disabling me. I had kids to look after.
If you have been recently betrayed. See your Doctor even if it is just for a health check!
Re: Tip for the recently betrayed- see your doctor
I did I took fmla for a month, high stress job an I was playing hell with concentration. Life was a surreal mess for a long time days were long, at the same I lost track of time hours went by feeling like minutes. I hit every thing on the list, shook me to my core got thru 9 months an the full spectrum of hopeing, copeing, then admittance of terms and change just in time to get a phone call on a random morning an to have a world of hell come back full swing in a way I never thought possible .....ever. The next four months were nightmares, confusing an then another walk out this time under the same factor with more misery involved. I had to let go all over again, this time to both my kids an the S.O. again. I was alone in more ways than I had ever been on comes the list..again. Now reconciled, were 3 years in things are still damn hard at times, ups an downs. I don't know...... Posted via Mobile Device
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Tip for the recently betrayed- see your doctor 
