Engaged to Bipolar with sex addiction..don't know I am strong enough for this
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 10-26-2011, 12:33 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Engaged to Bipolar with sex addiction..don't know I am strong enough for this

Up until May of this year, I thought I found the perfect guy for me. Not the perfect guy ever..but perfect enough for me. He is bipolar, but is responsible with it, counseling, meds..all of it.

In May we found out we were having a baby. To say he freaked would be an understatement. That is definitely when our relationship took a turn. That is when his lack of interest in me started, that is when his moods would go dark. I think whatever he was feeling for me sort of shut down. He wanted me to have an abortion and while I considered it for his sake..I just couldn't do it in the end. But in having this baby, already a single mom to a 3 year old and not a whole lot of the cash flow coming in, I knew something in my life needed a change if I was going to be able to afford this baby. So, I moved to Arizona to try and make a better life for me, the kids and my guy. He stayed behind for a month until I could get us set up. Things were still rough, but he insisted he loved me and wanted to be with me..and near his baby.

So this was back in June/July. We became engaged in September and about a week later he came clean and told me that he cheated on me..some one night stand before he left town to be with me.. I also found out he had tried hooking up with a bartender, meeting girls from those nasty craigslist ads..xrated dating sites. To say I have been devastated would be an understatement. He says that his cheated was triggered by his anger at me for not having the abortion, for moving away and unintentionally or intentionally forcing him to move as well.
His constant need to keep finding new people to sleep with is also triggered by his sex addiction which is a biproduct of his bipolar. I have done the research, I know he isn't full of it. But that doesn't make it any easier and it doesn't make the hurt less.

I am almost eight months pregnant and always in constant paranoia of my fiance going out and trying to sleep with other poeple. He insists he wants to marry me and loves me. But has an insane urge to.."spread his seed" I guess.

He agreed to go see a family counselor with me...but I don't know if I am strong enough to do this. I am trying, but my whole body hurts knowing that when he is crawling into bed with me..he very could have just been in bed with someone else.

I don't know that I could walk away from him...I don't know that I am strong enough, because I love him so much. And when I do walk away, the thought that I would be just handing him over to all the *****s out there makes me even more sick to my stomach.

My mind is such a mess. So sorry this is so long.
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Old 10-26-2011, 11:54 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Engaged to Bipolar with sex addiction..don't know I am strong enough for this

My husband is a sex addict although he isn't bipolar. Lookingforclosure has some great advice. I would also add that your fiance might want to look into 2 things: 1) seeing a CSAT (Certified sex addiction therapist) instead of just a family counselor, and 2) joining a group like Sex Addicts Anonymous or Sexaholics Anonymous. My husband researched their philosophies and chose SAA for himself and it helps him tremendously.

I hope you find answers soon.
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Old 10-26-2011, 12:56 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Engaged to Bipolar with sex addiction..don't know I am strong enough for this

Bipolar isn't a pass and it doesn't justify or excuse repeated poor behavior.

He knows what he's doing. He knows it's wrong. He just hasn't had any consequences bad enough to stop doing it. It sounds like what he's doing is just enough to keep you around without having to give up the excitement and thrill of his high-risk behavior.

If you stay together, you have to protect yourself. Safe sex. Every time. STD tests regularly, for you at least, for you both ideally. Is he on meds? Taking them? And for heaven's sake don't marry him until you see some real, sustained change in his behavior. As it stands, you don't have any reason to believe that he's not any less of a ***** than the ones he's been chasing...
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Old 10-27-2011, 04:21 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Engaged to Bipolar with sex addiction..don't know I am strong enough for this

Thankfully, I really don't get rages from him. His meds definitely help with that aspect. There has been some adjustments made in the last month when all of these things really started to take place and I am wondering if that has some to do with the most recent deceptions. No excuse, but unfortunately, he does have some chemical imbalances that are a factor.

The weird thing is that he is a sex addict that is addicted to sex with everything that walks and has a vagina..except for me. He insists he enjoys our sex life...but so far we have gone two weeks and nothing. I have tried and he turns me down cold.

He loves porn and he loves looking for women on craigslist for repeated hook-ups (I don't think he has actually acted on this yet)...but he just doesn't have the same need for me as he does for them. It kills me because I want him and adore him so much.

I mean, I am pregnant..but still fully functional sex wise dammit! Why can't they be happy having sex with the woman that loves them instead of the nasty *****s that don't give a damn about them?
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Old 10-27-2011, 04:31 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Engaged to Bipolar with sex addiction..don't know I am strong enough for this

How long have u been dating this guy for? U already know what he's about so if u stay with him u can expect more of this. Get tested for STDS. Why would u want to be w someone who has no respect for u and resents u for keeping the pregnancy and later blames said pregnancy on the reason why he fcked someone else? He never wanted u to have his child n wanted u to abort. If u still can't see hum for what he is then u have much bigger problems.
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Old 10-27-2011, 04:32 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Engaged to Bipolar with sex addiction..don't know I am strong enough for this

It sounds like u have low self esteem if u want to be w someone who treats u the way he does. You deserve better.
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Old 10-27-2011, 05:01 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Engaged to Bipolar with sex addiction..don't know I am strong enough for this

I promise you, it really isn't about low self-esteem.

It's that I am truly in love with this person and having a hard time coping with the fact that I love someone that treats me this way. I believe in for better or worse, good times and bad. We may not be married yet, but I believe those words already. I know that relationships can overcome these kind of obsticles...I am just hoping mine is one of them.

But I could just be fooling myself..who knows.

He loves this baby and has said how happy he is that I fought for her.
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Old 10-27-2011, 05:02 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Engaged to Bipolar with sex addiction..don't know I am strong enough for this

And being pregnant, I have been tested for every STD known to man .
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Old 10-27-2011, 05:12 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Engaged to Bipolar with sex addiction..don't know I am strong enough for this

How long have u been with him?
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Old 10-27-2011, 05:16 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Engaged to Bipolar with sex addiction..don't know I am strong enough for this

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Originally Posted by lisab0105 View Post
Thankfully, I really don't get rages from him. His meds definitely help with that aspect. There has been some adjustments made in the last month when all of these things really started to take place and I am wondering if that has some to do with the most recent deceptions. No excuse, but unfortunately, he does have some chemical imbalances that are a factor.

The weird thing is that he is a sex addict that is addicted to sex with everything that walks and has a vagina..except for me. He insists he enjoys our sex life...but so far we have gone two weeks and nothing. I have tried and he turns me down cold.

He loves porn and he loves looking for women on craigslist for repeated hook-ups (I don't think he has actually acted on this yet)...but he just doesn't have the same need for me as he does for them. It kills me because I want him and adore him so much.

I mean, I am pregnant..but still fully functional sex wise dammit! Why can't they be happy having sex with the woman that loves them instead of the nasty *****s that don't give a damn about them?
Because it's not the sex. It's the risk, the chance of getting caught, the excitement of "conquering" someone new, the validation of someone wanting them....

You aren't a risk, you aren't "new", it's just not the same. From the standpoint of feeding his addiction, it's like wanting Tabasco and getting vanilla pudding.
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Old 10-27-2011, 05:37 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Engaged to Bipolar with sex addiction..don't know I am strong enough for this

We have been together a year...
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Old 10-27-2011, 05:42 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Engaged to Bipolar with sex addiction..don't know I am strong enough for this

That is a lot of drama for a year. I'm hard pressed to tell u that if so much has occurred in such a short amount of time...its only going to get worse. Marriage doesn't make problems go away. Neither do babies. Did he tell you he has an "urge where he needs to spread his seed?"
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Old 10-27-2011, 06:47 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Engaged to Bipolar with sex addiction..don't know I am strong enough for this

I know marriage isn't a fix it..we were engaged before all this nonesend came to light.

He said he just has this insane need to screw anyone that moves.

He says he hasn't acted on it..which I think is true, but not for his lack of trying. Which is just so damn sad to say.
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Old 10-27-2011, 06:51 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by lisab0105 View Post
I know marriage isn't a fix it..we were engaged before all this nonesend came to light.

He said he just has this insane need to screw anyone that moves.

He says he hasn't acted on it..which I think is true, but not for his lack of trying. Which is just so damn sad to say.
but he did cheat on you...he confessed. U are setting urself up for a lot of heartache.
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Old 10-27-2011, 07:17 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Engaged to Bipolar with sex addiction..don't know I am strong enough for this

I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. It sounds awful.

I'm also really sorry to sound so blunt, but, your relationship is going to be a very very rocky road. If you're not sure you're strong enough for it, you probably should not pursue this relationship because it will be harder than you can imagine to go through this.

If you're not even married yet, just imagine how much more your problems will be compounded once you are married with a baby around.

I know you love him, but he sounds like he is no good for you. Consider letting him go before your life becomes even more difficult.

I wish you a lot of luck. Again, I'm so sorry you're having to face this.
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