Engaged to Bipolar with sex addiction..don't know I am strong enough for this
Up until May of this year, I thought I found the perfect guy for me. Not the perfect guy ever..but perfect enough for me. He is bipolar, but is responsible with it, counseling, meds..all of it.
In May we found out we were having a baby. To say he freaked would be an understatement. That is definitely when our relationship took a turn. That is when his lack of interest in me started, that is when his moods would go dark. I think whatever he was feeling for me sort of shut down. He wanted me to have an abortion and while I considered it for his sake..I just couldn't do it in the end. But in having this baby, already a single mom to a 3 year old and not a whole lot of the cash flow coming in, I knew something in my life needed a change if I was going to be able to afford this baby. So, I moved to Arizona to try and make a better life for me, the kids and my guy. He stayed behind for a month until I could get us set up. Things were still rough, but he insisted he loved me and wanted to be with me..and near his baby.
So this was back in June/July. We became engaged in September and about a week later he came clean and told me that he cheated on me..some one night stand before he left town to be with me.. I also found out he had tried hooking up with a bartender, meeting girls from those nasty craigslist ads..xrated dating sites. To say I have been devastated would be an understatement. He says that his cheated was triggered by his anger at me for not having the abortion, for moving away and unintentionally or intentionally forcing him to move as well.
His constant need to keep finding new people to sleep with is also triggered by his sex addiction which is a biproduct of his bipolar. I have done the research, I know he isn't full of it. But that doesn't make it any easier and it doesn't make the hurt less.
I am almost eight months pregnant and always in constant paranoia of my fiance going out and trying to sleep with other poeple. He insists he wants to marry me and loves me. But has an insane urge to.."spread his seed" I guess.
He agreed to go see a family counselor with me...but I don't know if I am strong enough to do this. I am trying, but my whole body hurts knowing that when he is crawling into bed with me..he very could have just been in bed with someone else.
I don't know that I could walk away from him...I don't know that I am strong enough, because I love him so much. And when I do walk away, the thought that I would be just handing him over to all the *****s out there makes me even more sick to my stomach.
My mind is such a mess. So sorry this is so long.