Just Tired Of It All

Ok so its been brought to my attention that my husband, BPD is a big factor in his denial of his affair. You can read the story in the post of mine.. What info or good internet sights is there that I can go to to read up on this. Also.. OCD.. Please read my post about this.. Im confused now, and I am unsure of what to do. The information about his disorders is opening a whole new can of worms for me.... one suggest to run from this. Like I said obviously he had the disorder or whole marriage and just now putting a name to it and receiving help. Now Im asking for help on how to cope, or info to understanding all this. Is there only one option here, to run from him bc his disorders? Please read my posts about his denial and now that some other very helpful people just informed me about BPD and denial, I just really need info and advice on this... Thanks to all you that have been willing to help and give advice.. Thank you all very much. I dont feel so alone on this anymore.

Jellybeans

Wait...was he formally diagnosed with BPD or you just read something somewhere? Whether he has that disorder or not...cheaters will deny their affairs when they don't want said affairs to end. And if that's the case you have two options: either tolerate his cheating or remove yourself as an option. If u stay n let him walk all over you...he WILL keep cake eating...being spoonfed by you personally because u will make it clear there are no consequences for his actions.

RadicallyAccepting

When I went to my therapist, it turns out her specialty is Dialectical Behavior Therapy - DBT. It fits with me because it's essentially Cognitive therapy with the addition of mindfulness and radical acceptance, comcepts from Buddhism and Taoism which I'm very interested in. While I'm not BPD, DBT was developed specifically for BPD treatment.

I'm ADD - it's my wife who's OCD. Nice combo, that.

Anyway, see DBT Self Help for a lot of information on the treatment of BPD.

DesperateHouseWife

No matter what conditions or disabilities a person have it doesn't mean they have the right to cheat. So either MC or remove your self if he doesn't stop.

RadicallyAccepting

DH is correct - BPD isn't an excuse to cheat. But it sure makes it easier to maintain denial. BPD can be marked by an ability to believe the lies your telling - the classic is the BPD sufferer who tells all their friends she's dying of cancer. I've had that happen with 2 different people I know. They actually believe it.

Jellybeans

Exactly. Its not an excuse. Its an intentional choice he is making. Trying to pi his cheating onto a disorder just enables the affair and tries to deflect away from his responsibility and choice to cheat and keep cheating.
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Just Tired Of It All

I am not saying his affair was caused by his BPD, I am saying his denial about the affair has recently been told to me by another poster that is related to BPD.. Thats what I want info on. His denial about the whole thing is beyond absurd. And I want to know how to deal with this issue. There is no decsion that can be made either way until the whole denial is put into perpective. And he was recently about 6 months ago diagnosed with BPD, after his affair had already been ongoing.. for a while. and been put on meds now for about 3 months still trying to get the right combo, And he was told he needs to go to a phycologist wich he is going to. He decided to go see a therpist on his own bc he just basically told me somthing wasnt right with him. And his diagnoses turned out to be BPD and OCD. I trying to deal with his infidelity, I have no idea what I for sure want because of his deep denial. to me if you feel you done no wrong than you have no reason to not repeat the action. And this is why I was so concerned about his denial. Now his BPD may be the contribiting factor. I would like info about this and maybe there could eventually be some progress made..

pidge70

I am a BPD'er with moderate OCD. Medication can help with his mood swings but, will NOT help with his BPD entirely. He needs therapy. Even if he does get therapy, it may not help.
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Jellybeans

Why do u care if he is in denial? U know the truth yourself. I would consider it a slap in the face and an insult for me to find my husband in bed with a nother woman (and other places together) and him keep saying its not true what I saw. Wtf? That is crazy. You can't "make progress" unless he wants to with u. He's shown u over n over again he thinks ur a fool who will belieeve anything he tells u...whoo will stay no matter what he does...who will continue being walked all over and mistreated... he can keep doing whatever he wants because uthere are no consequences for his actions. Even now ur still making excuses for him and trying to find the answer . U are in denial.
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Just Tired Of It All

Wow,,, i am going to say this one more time again again again.... I am not dening anything.. I know what i seen, what i read, found..... Hold on i am going to copy paste.

I saw them in a bed dang i know trust me thats why i posted it.. I am not denying his affair i am trying to..uhgg never mind im tired of defending myself for asking for help.. I will copy and paste my previouse post to you.. Why is it that anyone is trying to figure out what is goin on they are the ones in denial.. Dang i know what i seen, read, found heard... Lord i am not trying to say they were just freinds i know he had an affair.. But let jump on the bashing band wagon already geezzzzzz.

Just Tired Of It All

I am going to repeat this one more time... I AM NOT DENYING ANYTHING.... I AM NOT DENYING HIS AFFAIR.. I AM NOT DENYING I SEEN WHAT I HAVE SEEN.. I am trying to figure out why he is in such deep denial. He knows I refuses to say or except they were just freinds. I will never say those words because its a load of crap. But what is preventing us from making any proggresse is his denial. Idk know if it is from his BPD or if he doesnt want to feel like and a** or less than the guy I feel in love with or he just doesnt want to admit he was wrong.. I have no idea what it is.. But I know that is what is keeping me held back.... I discuss it I am in councling and she has tried to say that he denies it because he doesnt want to feel any pain or guilt for what he did, so to him it is real that he did no wrong that they were just freinds. I dont beleive that one either........ I am stuck in limbo here.. which way to I go.. can we go back to before pre affair.. heck no.. its happened.. does he want it to be same pre affair,, heck yes.. is it possible heck no.. Not from my stand point. But how do you know really wich way to go?

Just Tired Of It All

There is my other post, it seems i am constantly replying to being accussed of being in denial than anything else, if i was in denial i would be in blissful happiness right married and excepting.. No that not the case.. Now, not trying to reseach to find out what the heck is goin on in his loopy little head.....

ariadne

First off, "bi polar" and ocd are neurological symptoms of temporal limbic system dysfunction. Secondly, the affair was not caused by these symptoms, but his denial of it IS a huge sign of neurological dysfunction. You will have to decide whether you want to stay and help your husband through getting him to treatment (which sounds like it will be rough) and then helping him maintain a medication regiment. Good luck to you. Not an easy road either way.

I can provide you will more information on this if you want, my email address is jdenitto1966@yahoo.com

RadicallyAccepting

Borderline Personality Disorder isn't Bi-Polar Mood disorder (Known popularly as Manic Depression).

Borderline personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

"The disorder typically involves unusual levels of instability in mood; black and white thinking, or splitting; the disorder often manifests itself in idealization and devaluation episodes, as well as chaotic and unstable interpersonal relationships, self-image, identity, and behavior; as well as a disturbance in the individual's sense of self. In extreme cases, this disturbance in the sense of self can lead to periods of dissociation."

Bipolar disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

"Bipolar disorder or bipolar affective disorder, historically known as manic–depressive disorder, is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated energy levels, cognition, and mood with or without one or more depressive episodes"

ariadne

"BPD" = Bi polar "disorder" ?