Wondering if there are any postive outcomes or is Divorce the only answer?
Just wondering, Bc I have not decided if I want a divorce or not there has been some helpful post on here but most feedback I have recieved is to divorce. I understand that I helped him to continue the affair with my setting no boudries that I backed up. I have admited that and excepted that. Now it seems that most have encourged divorce, what if someone has decided on divorce just yet. And please dont bash me for wanting to give it a chance but some how setting up real boundries that I can backup.. And maybe his admit denial is coming to light with his BPD, this will need to be researched and addressed with thearpist. But I am asking for information and I really would like to hear if there are any success stories. Anyone made it threw it and are working on there marriage.... Again I do not want to be bashed because I really am undecided, I have been at this for days trying to come up with information, advice, direction and understanding. But seems some only goes straight for dicorce. I realize my mistakes, but really is divorce the only sulution to it all?
Re: Wondering if there are any postive outcomes or is Divorce the only answer?
The roller coaster on my part has been about 18 months now,,,, just recently his been taking my lashing out at him.. I dont want to but i have not been able to control it. And the open marriage is off the table.. I will not consider that... So its basicly back to my undecided... The next step which he suggested is mc.... Still what good is that if he denies his affair,,,,, just freinds which now he says was wrong but thats all he admits...
Re: Wondering if there are any postive outcomes or is Divorce the only answer?
It takes two who are fully committed. One person alone can't make a marriage. This guy doesn't even respect u enough to tell u the truth. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Wondering if there are any postive outcomes or is Divorce the only answer?
Jellybean i appreciate you honesty, and you have comminted to that fact many times. But you telling me over and over and insisting that i am in denial is just not an accurate. I am trying to find out other outcomes, how others coped, and now the whole bpd, is another issues to be addressed, i am undecided what to do.. But there is so many, just like every other person who has been through this, things to be addressed before i just walk away of so many years of marriage,, all but 18 months of them was happy....... I agree he needs to tell me the truth, but can he? To many questions, to many... Alot to be addressed..
Re: Wondering if there are any postive outcomes or is Divorce the only answer?
Reread my post above. Nowhere there does it say you're in denial. I did say so in ur other threads and I believe that to be true. It seems u believe u can do something to make him admit the affair or get help when it doesn't work that way. He has to want those things on his own. Nothing u say is going to get him to admit he's having an affair which is one of ur primary concerns...the thing that is frustrating u. U are now saying his BPD could be causing him to deny an affair which simply isn't true. He is intentionally denying having an affair. Its very calculated on his part. So u caan continue to wait for him to admit it just know he won't until he chooses to of his own volition. If u keep doing and expecting the same thing...u can expect the same results. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Wondering if there are any postive outcomes or is Divorce the only answer?
And that is exactly why i have came here and post.. Looking for opnions. Advice.. And yours is being taken into concideration as well... You may be right.. Others may be right.. I just dont know right now...... I know i am not denying his affair.. But i am at a loss on what or how to handle all this.....
Re: Wondering if there are any postive outcomes or is Divorce the only answer?
I know that it sucks that he won't admit it. I would be super frustrated as well. Its good that he wants to get treatment. If I were u though...I would not go to marriage counselling with him until he owns the affair. I would not make reconciliation so easy for him. You found him in bed with another woman. That is major. And now he's gaslighting you. You deserve the basic human decency of being told the truth.
Re: Wondering if there are any postive outcomes or is Divorce the only answer?
well he know I go to counciling.. and I told him what my therpist said about his denial.. which was somthing along the line of he denies it because he doesnt want to feel the conciquences from it, he doesnt want to be knocked down from the horse he is on, if he admits he screwed over me, than he isnt that great husband that he is preceived to be, or how he feels I preceived him to be. He actually has to feel that he isnt the greatest man that walked into my life, he would feel like a failure to himself and to me. He doesnt want to feel like that, he doesnt want me to know the truth because he is afraid that I will not think or feel the same about him, then how could he feel like his the best hubby in the world when he hurt his wife so badly... Load of crap... yep probley.. but I am getting so many probley so"s that it gets confusing... His reply was,, I didnt cheat, I didnt have an affair, I have never during our entire marriage ever have sex or kiss any other women, the therpist is only hearing your side of the story... I said.. she is hearing what I have seen with my own eyes.. What are you saying now the therpist is wrong too.. he says NO... I not saying she is wrong.. Im saying she is only hearing on side to the story she isnt hearing what I have to say, what I did, or said.. I said what are my own eyes lying to me too now.. he says.. no.. but what you seen is not how you are taking it.. I never had sex or kissed her ever... and it just the same thing.... No matter how I approch this he denies anything beyond there so called freindship.. even when I would not have a dang thing to do with him telling him I will not until he tells me the truth.. he wouldnt crack... he kept saying I am telling the truth... I am not going to make up a lie or a story just so you will believe me and we can get past this and work on our marriage.. I want my family back I want my life back but you wont beleive me. what am I supposed to do.. I said tell me the truth.. he says I am and I am still loosing you... it is frustrating.. so yes I am at a loss i dont know what to do... or how to handel this.. Jellybean as I told you I appreciate your advice.. I dont know what to do, I am really taking everything good or bad in that everyone offers.. Thank you.
Re: Wondering if there are any postive outcomes or is Divorce the only answer?
if you posted that you filed for divorce and hubby came clean and was willing to work on the marriage, admit the affair, establish NC, be transparent, get IC and MC, and showed true remorse then I would say good luck and offer more advice on making it work.
But you don't have an ounce of that, not a drop of remorse, not a teaspoon of the truth from him, not a inkling of him willing to work on his problem , the marriage, ending the affair or doing any heavy lifting whatsoever.
You can't get blood from a stone, squeeze it all you'd like and all you'll end up with is your own blood coming from your hand
Re: Wondering if there are any postive outcomes or is Divorce the only answer?
Is there steps to all this, or do you just jump in with both feet? Do they build themselfs up to tell the story or do they jump in with both feet? Is it just one way, clean cut straight to dc or has anyone been thru the drawn out heck like mine and then they do an about face as it lead up to dc?
Wondering if there are any postive outcomes or is Divorce the only answer? 
Re: Wondering if there are any postive outcomes or is Divorce the only answer? 
