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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 12-02-2011, 01:48 AM   #136 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

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I see how you got your screen name.
Funny. You didn't think I was playin' when I came up with it... did ya? I can be a jerk at times... well, most of the time. I just call em how a see em.

Look chapparal... no hard feelings. You sound pretty cool, and I get we're not gonna see eye to eye at times, but that's a good thing.
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Old 12-02-2011, 01:56 AM   #137 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

Just a couple of quick points.

1 - The "it's just a b-j thing". When given the option of visualizing where I want a strange man's erect penis to be in my wife, visualizing her savoring it in her mouth is not at the top of the list. "it's just a b-j" doesn't help. Make her stop saying it. It's degrading.

2 - No more GNO's. She's married.
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Old 12-02-2011, 02:05 AM   #138 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

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Just a couple of quick points.

1 - The "it's just a b-j thing". When given the option of visualizing where I want a strange man's erect penis to be in my wife, visualizing her savoring it in her mouth is not at the top of the list. "it's just a b-j" doesn't help. Make her stop saying it. It's degrading.

2 - No more GNO's. She's married.
I may be getting this wrong but it seems to be cruel to the fellow looking for help and support.
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Old 12-02-2011, 02:20 AM   #139 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

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The "it's just a b-j thing". When given the option of visualizing where I want a strange man's erect penis to be in my wife, visualizing her savoring it in her mouth is not at the top of the list. "it's just a b-j" doesn't help. Make her stop saying it. It's degrading.
Yeah. IDK if the ladies see it this way, but us guys think- "How can you kiss me, or my kids for that matter while you had this guy's c*ck in your mouth?" I guess what I'm saying is... only my c*ck is supposed to go there.

Furthermore... imagine if she was not into BJ's with you(husband), but found out she was giving them to OM. I'd be pissed to no end.

Last edited by JustaJerk; 12-02-2011 at 05:30 AM.
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Old 12-02-2011, 02:46 AM   #140 (permalink)
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Yeah. IDK if the ladies see it this way, but us guys think- "How can you kiss me, or my kids for that matter while you had this guy's c*ck in your mouth?" I guess what I'm saying is... only my c*ck is supposed to go there.

Furthermore... imagine if she was not into BJ's with you(husband), but found out she was giving them to OM. I'd be pissed to no end.
As a woman, I find a bj as personal, if not more so than traditional intercourse.
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Old 12-02-2011, 02:55 AM   #141 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

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As a woman, I find a bj as personal, if not more so than traditional intercourse.
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It's pretty much a wash.
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Old 12-02-2011, 05:28 AM   #142 (permalink)
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As a woman, I find a bj as personal, if not more so than traditional intercourse.
I can see that. For me, kissing is a very intimate thing(I consider myself to be a great kisser... so I've been told), so its hard to get over if another man's "member" has been smearing her lipstick... if you know what I mean.

Its not like we make-out with our spouse's privates in public. Our lips start things off, then its time to go down south. Wouldn't you agree?

I just had a mental image of people going down on their spouses in public, instead of a big wet one on the kisser.

Last edited by JustaJerk; 12-02-2011 at 05:35 AM.
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Old 12-02-2011, 06:00 AM   #143 (permalink)
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Keep them coming, guys. I am getting erection just listening to you guys.
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Old 12-02-2011, 08:05 AM   #144 (permalink)
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I may be getting this wrong but it seems to be cruel to the fellow looking for help and support.
You are getting this wrong. She needs to stop talking about having another mans penis in her mouth. She obviously thinks it's not as bad as it is. She needs to know. He needs to tell her. I would have stopped that talk IMMEDIATELY.

And the GNO's still have to go.
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Old 12-02-2011, 08:10 AM   #145 (permalink)
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I realize this is a public forum and people are welcome to comment but this is also supposed to be a safe place for a BS to come for support. Sometimes people need to man up and start getting mad about the situation in order to push them into taking action, so it can be a good thing for people to comment on how bad a situation is, but I am well beyond that point.

Continuing to tell me how bad what she did was is not helping at this point and only serves to rub it in my face. I think about this stuff enough every day as it is.

I've made the decision to try to work things out for the sake of my family because that is something I want. Some people can't bring themselves to do that, others can, and still others are not sure if they can but are willing to try. I am in the third category right now.
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Old 12-02-2011, 08:13 AM   #146 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

Sorry if my comment hurt you. It was truly not my intent.
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Old 12-02-2011, 08:14 AM   #147 (permalink)
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I realize this is a public forum and people are welcome to comment but this is also supposed to be a safe place for a BS to come for support. Sometimes people need to man up and start getting mad about the situation in order to push them into taking action, so it can be a good thing for people to comment on how bad a situation is, but I am well beyond that point.

Continuing to tell me how bad what she did was is not helping at this point and only serves to rub it in my face. I think about this stuff enough every day as it is.

I've made the decision to try to work things out for the sake of my family because that is something I want. Some people can't bring themselves to do that, others can, and still others are not sure if they can but are willing to try. I am in the third category right now.

I agree with you, but do know the majority of posters don't want to see you in false R and wish to point out certain things to help prevent that or help you see certain things
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Old 12-02-2011, 08:27 AM   #148 (permalink)
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I agree with you, but do know the majority of posters don't want to see you in false R and wish to point out certain things to help prevent that or help you see certain things
And those posters are appreciated. I've received a lot of help here and would have probably made more mistakes had I not taken some of that advice.

As of now, she has cut of relations with him. My certainty of that is close to 100% now after some recent intel. Now I'm in a period of time where she thinks she loves him but is willing to stay away from him and try to work on things at home.

I have no illusions that we will have true R any time soon. It will be a long painful process of waiting for her to get over this relationship that she got herself into and even longer after that to see if we can have something together again.

It sucks, but it is what it is.
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Old 12-02-2011, 08:29 AM   #149 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

it certainly does suck

hope for the best but prepare for the worst
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Old 12-02-2011, 09:09 AM   #150 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

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For one thing, she is still friends with the "friend". For another, she still refers to it as "just some BJs". For example, last night while she was telling me about her fear the the OMs wife was going to find out, she said "His wife is going to leave him and it's going to be all my fault. It was just for some stupid BJs".
You know if this ever came up again, I'd ask her WHY was she giving him BJs? What did she get out of it if they were so stupid?

She was doing it because she was trying to win his affection because she fell in "love" with him but I'd be curious if she would admit to that.

If my wife had said that I'd be tempted to slap her across the face. I wouldn't, but I probably tell her I was thinking about it.

Sorry, the fact she was trying to minimize it by hiding the fact it was more to her than "stupid BJs" just irks me.
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