Arnold

Consult an attorney. I doubt it is as cut and dried as her recent loss of a job resulting in increased child support or spousal maintenance. A lawyer could show her earning capacity rather easily , using her job history. And, no court will allow her to voluntarily stay out of the labor force, as she historically has worked(although wit the state of the law as regaards men, maybe ).
In any case, a lawyer in your jurisdiction can advise you. But, what about your moral obligation to the other betrayed spouses?

bryanp

I have to ask you how you could possible get over the fact that she was engaged in sex with her lover during her entire pregnancy with your child? How could this not be psychologically damaging to you? This is so over the line that it is absolutely unforgivable.

Entropy3000

I would have insisted she quit her job IMMEDIATELY. I mean first thing in the morning. Call in for a subtitute. Wait for her in the car.

If not I would have gone to the school and exposed the affair. then I would have followed up exposing to the OMs wife.

morituri

TGF please educate yourself by going to Dad's divorce so that you can mitigate any impact from any possible divorce. Good luck.

__________________
"Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalizing animal." Robert A. Heinlein

Links

lordmayhem

TheGoodFight, you've been given great advice so far. Ignore it at your own peril.

Off Topic: Before I started going on infidelity support forums, I didn't realize just how many affairs happen among school teachers/employees. I didn't even think they had the time to interact enough to even start having affairs. Boy was I wrong.

__________________
Welcome TAM CWI newbies- please read this
Betrayed Spouse Bill of Rights
The Betrayed Spouse Script
Just Let Them Go

vickyyy

start giving condoms to your wife every time she goes to school so that u will not get STD and u maybe happy
thegoodfight : have some self respect

TheGoodFight

OK so some of the things I've read here in this thread have made me get angry about the whole thing. Especially the posts by Bryanp.

Thinking of the DS script, when I first posted yesterday I think I was just on the cusp of moving from wanting her back so bad to being just angry and totally upset about the whole thing. The more I think about the lack of respect from her and her total disregard for me and her family over the past year, the angrier I get.

This morning, I told her that I didn't think she fully realized yet what she had done and proceeded to tell her how humiliated and disrespected I felt and how she showed no real remorse for the situation at all. Yea, she says she feels guilty about it and wishes she hadn't done it, but her actions said otherwise. I told her she had no respect for me and nothing but contempt for our marriage. (thanks for some words bryanp)

I told her that she had risked our family, others people's families, and their and her own careers by what she did. She says that this week she has started to realize all of that and seemed to be ashamed about it.

The truth is it is kind of hard to tell with her. One of the problems in our marriage all along is that she holds things inside and is not very vocal at all about what she is feeling. We never fight. I mean never. I can't remember the last time we had raised voices at each other. It's been years. While this may seem like a good thing that we don't fight, what I've come to realize is that she just doesn't say anything about it if something is bothering her. If we get a chance to actually work on our marriage this is one of the things we will have to address.

I went on to tell her that she needed to write both the OM and the "friend" a letter telling them that she wanted no further contact with them. I also told her she had to be totally open and transparent with me even if they so much as said hi to her. I also told her that I shouldn't have to suffer through every day wondering what she is doing at work and that she needed to quit her job and remove herself from the situation. I also told her that she needed to be the one to tell the OMs wife about the affair and tell her "friends" husband about what had been going on with his wife.

I told her she needed to expose the affair to the OMs wife and expose the "friends" affair to her husband as well. I told her she was an accomplice in both of thier affairs. I told her she was either going to choose to protect them or choose to be with me.

I told her that I didn't know why I would even want to be with someone that would treat me this way. I told her I didn't know if I could even live with what had happened and I had no idea how she was going to ever make it up to me.

Today is a teacher workday so no kids are at school. Its also not a required day so the OM isn't going to be there today. Or so I have been told. That may be a lie but how would I know? She says that she is going to write both of them an email this morning at work telling them not to contact her anymore and that it is over. She is going to tell them that they should tell their wife and husband what has been going on.

I will see this email because I have access to her email account. I'm sure some here will say that is not enough but I am hoping that this is a real wakeup call to her about the gravity of what she has done to me. If she follows through with removing herself from this environment and exposes the affairs herself then I will consider that a step in the right direction towards true remorse. And don't think I won't follow up if she tells me or even shows me she has done those things. After all if everyone knows, it won't hurt for me to talk to them as well now will it?

I can tell you this- she will either follow through and quit the job and remove all traces of these people from her lives and expose the situation to everyone involved or I will do it myself. I don't have to put up with this anymore and from this day forward I will not.

lordmayhem

That probably means one of you is passive-aggressive or both of you are. This is a good guide by fighting2survive at SI, and is a good indicator of True Remorse vs Rug Sweeping. If she is truly remorseful about the affair and wants to save the marriage, she should be totally in the left column. Otherwise, she's rugsweeping and you're enabling it and it will happen again in the future.

__________________
Welcome TAM CWI newbies- please read this
Betrayed Spouse Bill of Rights
The Betrayed Spouse Script
Just Let Them Go

Almostrecovered

having your wife expose isn't the best course, she will likely try to down play it

__________________
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
Newbies please read this
My story

TheGoodFight

I don't really expect that she will anyway...At the most all I think she will do is tell them that they should tell their spouses. I fully expect that I will have to do this myself shortly. And even if she does, I then intend to follow up with the supporting evidence anyway. I think of it as catching your kid stealing from a store. You make them go back to the store with you and admit what they did and then you follow up yourself.

As for the passive agressive stuff. She is definately passive and not very agressive at least to my face. That's one of the big problems. She is passive with me and I guess I used to think she didn't ever let it out. Now I know she was just doing that part behind my back...

lordmayhem

Don't be surprised if she made you out to be a monster behind your back.

__________________
Welcome TAM CWI newbies- please read this
Betrayed Spouse Bill of Rights
The Betrayed Spouse Script
Just Let Them Go

TheGoodFight

Well from reading texts that she sent other people she made me out to be a jerk and an ass. And truthfully I probably wasn't the best husband I could be. But I know that's still no excuse and she shouldn't be telling other people about it anyway without trying to address it with me first. I've come to grips with being responsible for 50% of our relationship but I'm not going to take any blame for the affair.

Eli-Zor

It read like the next problem is you ......your inability to man up and contact the OM's wife and the friends husband. Take these next few words as motivation ; grow some balls and start doing what we asked you to do.

You contact the OM's wife
You contact the friends husband
You give her a no contact template to hand write , you ensure it is sent such that he signs for receipt of it.
No Contact Letter

You send a letter to the head master, school governors and the region head of schools , template below.


"""""

To Whom It May Concern:
*
This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.
*
WS and WS are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, in the workplace. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims and any other future legal dilemmas that this situation may present, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. WS and WS are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers and the interoffice instant messaging service, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.
*
I have retained legal counsel to help guide me through this process and I expect that this will be handled with the upmost care and discretion.* If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.
*
*
*
-BS
*
cc:* [Director of Gen’l Counsel, Legal]
***** [VP Senior Manager of Security]
"""""


For goodness sake , your wife wants a husband who leads , who fights for her , your behaviours must change.

Now please you start doing what we asked and do not tell her when you expose this to her work, or contact the friends husband , or the OM's wife.
Posted via Mobile Device

Eli-Zor

Reminds me of another poster from elsewhere he stood back and could understand why he should be doing this himself , the fear factor affecting a Betrayed Spouse.
Posted via Mobile Device

Eli-Zor

Thegoodfight: your success in stopping this affair and recovering your marriage is of the upmost importance to most of us who post here . Please don't follow the "Thegoodfight" version on how to break this affair , we have seen this countless times and know and understand the wayward script , you even had former waywards posting the same advice to what I wrote and yet you changed the process . Please don't , the process of exposure and the NC letter works as it has been done before and learnt from countless other affairs.
Posted via Mobile Device