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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 10-28-2011, 10:07 AM   #46 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

Steps from a poster on another forum:-


1- KEEP ALL THESE ARRANGEMENTS SECRET FROM YOUR WAYWARD(?) WIFE!
2 – Put a keylogger on any computer you can access that she might use.
3 – Put “Flexispy” on any cellphone that she might use.
4 – Put a GPS on her car, reporting to your computer.
5 – Put a VAR in her car, and in any room she might use to take “personal” calls
6 – Get a mini-audio-recorder, and have it in your possession and “on” whenever in her presence.
7 – Put together an e-address list of anyone who might have influence on her – parents, siblings (sisters, especially), coworkers, college friends, clergy, hairdresser, anyone.
8 – Put together a similar list for the POSOM.
WHEN YOU HAVE SUFFICIENT EVIDENCE,
9 – Put together the electronic evidence for each AP.
10 - Write a cover note for your wife’s contacts, to the tune of: “I must unhappily inform you that my wife, XXXXXX, is carrying on an illicit affair with YYYYYY. I am hoping to recover our marriage, and ask if you have any influence over her, to urge her to abandon her cheating lifestyle and return to me and our family. Her cell number is 111-222-3333”
11 – Write a similar note to POSOM’s contacts.
12 – Send out both packages, to all contacts at one time.
13 – Brace yourself.

My own...14 . Never believe a word that come out of a waywards mouth


In your case some can be skipped or modified as your wife 'may' have stopped the affair , the draw of the affair is going to be huge and her leaving her job now is key to you saving your marriage.
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Old 10-28-2011, 11:02 AM   #47 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

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Thegoodfight: your success in stopping this affair and recovering your marriage is of the upmost importance to most of us who post here . Please don't follow the "Thegoodfight" version on how to break this affair , we have seen this countless times and know and understand the wayward script , you even had former waywards posting the same advice to what I wrote and yet you changed the process . Please don't , the process of exposure and the NC letter works as it has been done before and learnt from countless other affairs.
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Ok I'm going to drop the bomb. This will be VERY hard. Not sure I want to contact work yet if she is willing to give it up (the job). I do intend to drop a dime on the "friend" though.

Here is another kicker about her work: My wife told one of the assistant principals about her affair and he advised her to get another phone and keep it at school "for communication on the DL". I can't believe the level of character from many at the school.
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Old 10-28-2011, 11:31 AM   #48 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

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Here is another kicker about her work: My wife told one of the assistant principals about her affair and he advised her to get another phone and keep it at school "for communication on the DL". I can't believe the level of character from many at the school.

wow, that smells like a lawsuit waiting to happen- probably too expensive to follow up but if you have to expose to work I would say to throw him under the bus too
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Old 10-28-2011, 11:32 AM   #49 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

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You have found out that they have been sexual for at least a year and you have a baby that is 6 months old. This means she has been having sex with all through her pregnancy and immediately after her pregnancy. This is simply outrageous and incredibly disrespect and humiliating to you. This should make you sick to your stomach that he was having sex with your pregnant wife. This shows your wife has nothing but contempt for you and your marriage.
It could be that the baby belongs to the OM.

Do that paternity test on the baby now. The test is fairly inexpensive. I've seen it advertised for $100. Google it.
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Old 10-28-2011, 11:33 AM   #50 (permalink)
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Here is another kicker about her work: My wife told one of the assistant principals about her affair and he advised her to get another phone and keep it at school "for communication on the DL". I can't believe the level of character from many at the school.
Probably the assistant principal is trying to protect the wife from getting fired by advising her not to use school property for personal use?
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Old 10-28-2011, 11:40 AM   #51 (permalink)
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If they work at the same place, NC letters, although still necessary, may not serve any effective purpose at all. How can you be in NC with someone you see everyday?

She must change her job. I know this will take time, and in the meantime this limbo state will continue and it's no good for anybody. At this point, your exposure to OMW is essential as she should provide another set of eyes to make sure NC is maintained.

Her friend is an accomplice in this, and it's even possible she encouraged your W down this path. Compared to WHs, WWs are strange creatures that they tend to encourage other Ws to follow the same path of A. You should consider this "friend" just as toxic as her OM.

If and when you decide to expose this to the school principal, tell him that you are considering suing the school for condoning this behavior citing the assistant pricipal advising your W how to carry on A.
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Old 10-28-2011, 12:19 PM   #52 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

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How can you be in NC with someone you see everyday?
Yes this is the problem

Quote:
She must change her job.
Yes again
Quote:
Her friend is an accomplice in this
tell her husband


Quote:
tell him that you are considering suing the school for condoning this behavior citing the assistant pricipal advising your W how to carry on A.
Do your best to have him/her fired, this person worked actively to destroy your marriage

Last edited by Eli-Zor; 10-28-2011 at 12:41 PM.
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Old 10-28-2011, 12:23 PM   #53 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

Please inform principal about everyone encouraging your wife in affair.they must be punished.What kind of school is this ?
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Old 10-28-2011, 01:02 PM   #54 (permalink)
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The problem you have now is your wife has told the friend you know, you called the OM so both of them have time to spin a story with their spouses that a mad person is going to call and make accusations . I suggest when you make the calls have some evidence at hand to send them .
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Old 10-28-2011, 01:12 PM   #55 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

I disagree about exposing to the entire workplace.

First, you may get both of them fired. Or, if not fired, at least there's a black mark on their personnel records that may make it very difficult to find employment at another school. If your wife needs this job, and given OM is leaving at the end of the year anyway, you may want to try for a transfer to another school within the same district.

Second, I can't imagine that there is any liability on the school district for two consenting adults having sex. So just let that go.

But, I do agree with informing the other spouses of the affairs.
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Old 10-28-2011, 01:32 PM   #56 (permalink)
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I disagree about exposing to the entire workplace.

First, you may get both of them fired. Or, if not fired, at least there's a black mark on their personnel records that may make it very difficult to find employment at another school. If your wife needs this job, and given OM is leaving at the end of the year anyway, you may want to try for a transfer to another school within the same district.

Second, I can't imagine that there is any liability on the school district for two consenting adults having sex. So just let that go.

But, I do agree with informing the other spouses of the affairs.
I don't think the principal will do much other than expressing his displeasure with their behaviors and that most likely would be it. Threatening to sue the school is just to add heat on the principal to take the matter more seriously, not to mention giving some payback to the assistant principal.
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Old 10-28-2011, 02:15 PM   #57 (permalink)
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I don't think the principal will do much other than expressing his displeasure with their behaviors and that most likely would be it. Threatening to sue the school is just to add heat on the principal to take the matter more seriously, not to mention giving some payback to the assistant principal.
The school isn't liable. Therefore, a lawsuit will not succeed. A frivolous lawsuit isn't likely to bring heat or payback to anybody. It will just waste money.
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Old 10-28-2011, 02:55 PM   #58 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

It sounds like she has to quit her job and you need a paternity test on the little one.

No intercourse?
Don' buy that bull****
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Old 10-28-2011, 03:11 PM   #59 (permalink)
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The school isn't liable. Therefore, a lawsuit will not succeed. A frivolous lawsuit isn't likely to bring heat or payback to anybody. It will just waste money.
That may be true but in these times of school budget cutbacks, do you seriously believe that this black mark these people will receive won't put them on the next list of people to lay off?
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Old 10-28-2011, 03:20 PM   #60 (permalink)
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His wife should resign with immediate effect or take a leave of absence until the OM is gone , this will impact the family finances but he has no choice as the BS will not be aware of the interactions between his wife and the OM . The exposure at the workplace should still occur to break this cycle of affairs within this school.
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