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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 10-28-2011, 04:05 PM   #61 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

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Originally Posted by morituri View Post
That may be true but in these times of school budget cutbacks, do you seriously believe that this black mark these people will receive won't put them on the next list of people to lay off?
Budgetary school layoffs, in 99% of the districts in this country, are seniority-based. The newest teacher on staff is the first one laid off. Unless there is some voluntary attrition or criminal activity leading to dismissal.

However, it's possible that, if word got out in the community that two teachers were banging in a classroom, political pressure would force them to be reassigned or pressured to resign. And it's certainly true that their behavior wouldn't win any favors with administrators.
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Old 10-28-2011, 05:37 PM   #62 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

Whether or not the school can be sued, this is the kind of epic PR disaster the District Superintendent is going to pay complete attention to. You have two married teachers carrying on a sexual affair at school, one of whom was even pregnant at the time! The assistant principal gave one of them advise on how to continue the affair. I didn't catch whether her "friend" who is also having an affair works at the school too, but if she does it is just more ammunition for the firing squad.
If you explain what is going on to the principal and they do not take action they will lose their job when this becomes public. It is that simple and if they don't see that they deserve to lose their job.
Really important: Do not let on that you are accessing your wife's school email account. That is potentially not legal and could be used against you.

Whether you inform their employer, I think informing the OM's wife and the husband of the monstrous "friend" is a moral duty you need to fulfill. They need to know what their spouse is doing, it literally is putting lives at risk and that obligates you to act.
I do think it could be helpful to go talk with the principal, they have the ability to keep your wife apart from the OM at school and you don't need to go into details about things to demand they take action. That may mean firing one or both of them, it may mean threatening them with firing if there is any contact between them during his remaining time working there. If nothing else, the principal should be aware of the coming disaster your wife, the OM, and the assistant principal have created for the school when word gets out.
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Old 10-28-2011, 05:49 PM   #63 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

A moral misconduct is a serious accusation, one that the local school board would be obliged to look into. At the very least, the school principal and the named parties would have to defend themselves and explain their actions.

Advise them you will take it up with the school board.
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Old 10-28-2011, 06:14 PM   #64 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

It's time to expose that nest of rats posing as teachers. Your wife, her fellow cheating wife 'friend' and POSOM need to be given a good tongue lashing by the school board for their sexcapade behavior. Otherwise, these individuals may then choose to target students for their 'fun and games' because they feel they can get away with it.
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Old 10-28-2011, 06:27 PM   #65 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

Here's the possible headline I would show the principle if push comes to shove:

SEX RING UNCOVERED AT LOCAL SCHOOL

TEACHERS ADMIT HAVING SEX IN SCHOOL

ASST. PRINCIPLE INVOlVED IN COVER UP
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Old 10-29-2011, 07:36 AM   #66 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

NC letter sent yesterday. Trying to figure out how to contact the OMW. All I know is where they live. his wife is a SAHM and I have no idea her phone number. I don't want to show up there and risk confrontation with the OM. Don't get me wrong, I'm not afraid, I just want to stay out of jail.

Still thinking about the workplace thing. I believe what happens in cases like this is that people will get reassigned or moved around. Schools like to keep things quiet if possible. Logistically, that may not happen quickly though.
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Old 10-29-2011, 07:46 AM   #67 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

If you know the address, have you tried the phone book?
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Old 10-29-2011, 07:46 AM   #68 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

It shouldn't be hard to find out OM's working hours from school office. You can just pretend to be a parent with bogus name asking when OM will be in. While OM is at school, you can just drive over to his house.
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Old 10-29-2011, 09:08 AM   #69 (permalink)
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NC letter sent yesterday. Trying to figure out how to contact the OMW. All I know is where they live. his wife is a SAHM and I have no idea her phone number. I don't want to show up there and risk confrontation with the OM. Don't get me wrong, I'm not afraid, I just want to stay out of jail.

Still thinking about the workplace thing. I believe what happens in cases like this is that people will get reassigned or moved around. Schools like to keep things quiet if possible. Logistically, that may not happen quickly though.
Good work , how did the NC letter go out and did you proof read it first?

If you cannot track his wife's number wait till he is a work and knock on his door , a short polite conversation introducing yourself , apologising for bearing the news you have, mention the affair , give her a letter with your name and more details of the affair mentioning the NC letter and then offer for her to call you if she chooses.

It should take no more than a few minutes and you should be out of there.

Btw if the OM phones you and threatens you remind him a court case will publicly advertise his adultery , he will have no where to hide his lies, then put down the phone.
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Old 10-29-2011, 10:02 AM   #70 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

If you have a copy of NC letter hand it to the OMW
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Old 10-29-2011, 10:12 AM   #71 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

Your wife has admitted that she's in love with OM. Have you discussed how she feels about you? Does she even love you at this point?

If she loves OM more than she loves you, is she just staying because she's afraid of a divorce without OM as an exit strategy? Something to consider when deciding how far you want to go.

Edit: Any progress on that paternity test?

Last edited by Sindo; 10-29-2011 at 10:18 AM.
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Old 10-29-2011, 10:41 AM   #72 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

Don't forget about the paternity tests on BOTH your children. It may be that this affair is not her first so it behooves you to put to rest the paternity of the children once and for all.

The paternity laws are very biased against betrayed husbands and men in general. A man may be forced to financially support a child that is not biologically his if he doesn't appeal within a short period of time - 2 years in some cases - yet the woman can come back at anytime, decades later and sue for back child support payments even though the man wasn't aware that he fathered a child.

You must legally protect yourself.
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Old 10-29-2011, 02:47 PM   #73 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

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Good work , how did the NC letter go out and did you proof read it first?

If you cannot track his wife's number wait till he is a work and knock on his door , a short polite conversation introducing yourself , apologising for bearing the news you have, mention the affair , give her a letter with your name and more details of the affair mentioning the NC letter and then offer for her to call you if she chooses.

It should take no more than a few minutes and you should be out of there.

Btw if the OM phones you and threatens you remind him a court case will publicly advertise his adultery , he will have no where to hide his lies, then put down the phone.
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She hand wrote it from a template I found online. I read it and then drove with her to the post office where I went in myself and mailed it registered with return receipt.

She is upset about this but has accepted it as a way to prove that she is serious. She has also written an email to the "friend" telling her that they can't be friends anymore. I also got some real crying and begging me not to leave her.

We went to the MC today and I got some advice and insight there as well. I got the sense that the MC has seen far worse cases and thinks we would be fools not to try to work it out. I left thinking we have a good shot of getting through this together. We have a lot of history together (17 years and half of our lives) and are crystal clear on where we went wrong in our marriage. The tough part will be getting back what we had at one time.

There is going to be a lot of resentment if I make her quit her job. She is in a specalized field and quitting will mean she won't be able to just get another job at the drop of a hat. It's taken her years to finally get the position she has now.

I believe she is trully willing to quit though if I demand it. She is now begging me to let her stay till the end of the year (Late Dec or early Jan).

I'm starting to see some real commitment to wanting to work it out but I don't want to get false hope. I intend to push as hard as I can, but I also don't want to ruin an reconciliation by being unreasonable.
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Old 10-29-2011, 02:59 PM   #74 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

Here's an idea.

If she wants to be able to stay, ask her to create a set of things she can do to prove that nothing is going to be going on. Make it her challenge to come up with a solution to your worry that by going back, she will just be continuing things, and that the environment is going to be conducive to cheating.

Make her figure out and propose a path.
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Old 10-29-2011, 03:00 PM   #75 (permalink)
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Default Re: This feels like a soap opera

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Originally Posted by Sindo View Post
Your wife has admitted that she's in love with OM. Have you discussed how she feels about you? Does she even love you at this point?

If she loves OM more than she loves you, is she just staying because she's afraid of a divorce without OM as an exit strategy? Something to consider when deciding how far you want to go.

Edit: Any progress on that paternity test?
Yea, that is the fundamental problem right now. She has fallen out of love with me and loves this guy. Although I can't really imagine why. He doesn't want to be with her that way and all she does is give him oral and then leave. He has even stopped kissing and fingering her. Seriously, this is why it is so hard to catch. It literally takes them 10 minutes after work and it's over. She is not even late getting home when it happens.

I think that is what she is actually scared of. She is afraid she won't be able to feel like that about me again and she is scared that I'll never trust her again no matter what she does. I don't intend on offering any guarantees.
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