I am sorry to say ; I have rarely if ever, seen a marriage recover or an affair stop when two waywards work together especialy since you have no way of being here or hearing what is said.
The choice is your marriage or she leaves the job or the OM does. If you intend for your wife to stay then you had best rock the OM's world so he leaves and don't kid yourself that he will leave in a few months time and all will be OK. He and your wife were intimate and women in affairs tend to fall in love with their affair men, your wife was crying over the letter , why do you think that was? She is infatuated with the OM and thinks she is in love with him , it's called the fog once it clears she will hate herself for those feelings.
For now you have a real problem. Your wife will continue talking to the OM , she will pine over him, him being at her place of work and readily accessible for lots of one to one fantasy conversations. You wonder what is happening and questioning her every day and not trusting her answers .
How do you think this will go ? One word "divorce"
If she wants to be able to stay, ask her to create a set of things she can do to prove that nothing is going to be going on. Make it her challenge to come up with a solution to your worry that by going back, she will just be continuing things, and that the environment is going to be conducive to cheating.
Make her figure out and propose a path.
We have discussed this but really there is no foolproof way. I mean really, if someone is going to cheat they are going to find a way. You can make it harder to happen but you can't prevent it. This I have learned.
Maybe you mean that if the effort seems to be sincere then it counts towards something?
Another suggestion: if the OM is still talking to your wife, then have your wife file a harassment complaint with her employer. The NC letter is evidence that he has been asked to stop.
Another suggestion: if the OM is still talking to your wife, then have your wife file a harassment complaint with her employer. The NC letter is evidence that he has been asked to stop.
I'm not sure how I could make that happen. Any action the school takes will be taken against my wife as well. His wife doesn't work either.
He and your wife were intimate and women in affairs tend to fall in love with their affair men, your wife was crying over the letter , why do you think that was? She is infatuated with the OM and thinks she is in love with him , it's called the fog once it clears she will hate herself for those feelings.
I wish she could really see how stupid this all is. They have 0% chance of being together in a real relationship. Yet she is still willing to risk everything. that is very frustrating to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eli-Zor
For now you have a real problem. Your wife will continue talking to the OM , she will pine over him, him being at her place of work and readily accessible for lots of one to one fantasy conversations. You wonder what is happening and questioning her every day and not trusting her answers .
How do you think this will go ? One word "divorce"
Posted via Mobile Device
Yes this is a very tough problem. Of course now I am asking her not only to choose him or the marriage. I'm asking her to choose between her marriage and her career. Whole different thing.
It a choice between money or marriage , you won't have any money if you divorce due to the affair. It is a financially tough choice but the decision has to be taken. Posted via Mobile Device
Your wife takes 10 minutes after to work to just blow him because she is so in love with him and not with you. Sorry but I really do not understand (even with your history) after everything she has done that you are proud that she is your wife. You must love her very much. From what you described she is begging you not to leave her on economic grounds. You deserve to be with a woman who truly loves and respects you which your wife clearly does not.
You deserve happiness, love and respect. If your willing to accept less than that then I feel sorry for you but nevertheless I wish you the best of luck in trying to recover.
Since you are going to try an reconcile, I would take a different tack than is usually offered here.
Write the other man a letter, maybe with the help of a lawyer, that lets him know what you will do if there is contact between him and your wife. You will sue him under alienation of affection statutes, out him to every school board he might possibly apply to, out him on the internet (cheaterville.com etc.) out him to all local media and parent groups. Sex on school property with asst. princples help would make major news.
I seriously don't think he is that invested in this relationship to take the risk. I would have the lawyer draw up papers to show how serious I was.
Your wife takes 10 minutes after to work to just blow him because she is so in love with him and not with you. Sorry but I really do not understand (even with your history) after everything she has done that you are proud that she is your wife. You must love her very much. From what you described she is begging you not to leave her on economic grounds. You deserve to be with a woman who truly loves and respects you which your wife clearly does not.
You deserve happiness, love and respect. If your willing to accept less than that then I feel sorry for you but nevertheless I wish you the best of luck in trying to recover.
I am not the only member of my family that I am concerned about. It would be by definition selfish of me to not do everything I can to keep the ship called my family afloat even in the worst storm. And you're right, I shouldn't and won't live in a relationship like that, but as long as I think there is hope I can still have those things in this relationship I will continue to bail water. I will declare abandon ship when I deem all is lost.
Look at this as if you are an owner or a bar , you have a known alcoholic, would you put them behind the bar while you stay at home , common sense tells you not because you know he would help himself to a couple of drinks, that is the position your wife is in.
You have a slim hope the OM's wife may force him to leave his job , being a man it is unlikley he will give into this demand unless she has the fortitude to fight him and force the issue. As you have not exposed to his wife, have not given her evidence to back up your exposure then come Monday you will have an "alcoholic " behind the bar not only waiing for her fix but susceptible to taking this underground or making plans to "separate" to give her space to think - translated to her wanting space to continue the affair without you around.
The exposure at school
The exposure to his wife
The exposure to her parents and yours
Her leaving the school and working elsewhere
are all designed to give your marriage the best chance , not doing all of these gives the affair the best chance and will cause you more stress and hurt.
Carry on with the steps of exposure keep what you are doing to yourself.
Btw: don't despondent about the love for the OM , once free of him and hit with reality she will see it for what it was , a lie. Your marriage can recover , it won't have a chance if you dilute the terms . We have seen this play out before.
Have a clear conversation with your wife about finding a job elsewhere , she will oppose it but be direct with her , she chose the affair , she chooses the marriage , her answer will be to remain at work or negotiate the time frame. That answer or any answer other than she is leaving work immediately will tell you why you have to expose , if she says she will leave she writes the letter of resignation and leaves immediately , if the school asks why she tells them the truth.
If she blames you, be a record it is her affair that caused this no one else.
A rule you must follow ; you do not negotiate with a wayward
Be firm, be resolute, be consistent with your marriage boundaries, the requirements stated are to protect your marriage against an interloper.
Can she take a leave of absence for the rest of the year, and move to a new school without the OM or cheating friend next year? Posted via Mobile Device
Re: This feels like a soap opera 
