Re: Blind-sided and having a very hard time coping!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeres
Very good advice and I will do that. It's very hard though. Yesterday when I decided to tell her that I can't just wait for you to unravel your confusion and that I am making the decision to end this so I no longer have to be subject to you playing with me, I felt better.
The nights are the worst times. After I initially told her, I felt good. In fact I read all of the comments that people posted back to her so she can see how other people see this and than told her that I am moving on.
I feel trapped, I want to make her life hell, but am very reluctant.
Eh. You just fcked up. Don't beat yourself up too much but you did exactly what we told you NOT to do. DO NOT CONTACT HER. DO NOT QUOTE from this website what people are saying. Don't even let her know you're on TAM. Don't let her know anything about you. Don't aclling her saying she ruined your life and you want to inflict pain on her and blah blah blah. She will see you as a psycho/despserate loser who doesn't respect himself/can't let go even when she's kicking dirt in his face.
SILENCE.
Not a peep from you to her. Do not contact her again. At all.
Re: CA laws--you should google them or call up an attorney or your county courthouse for the laws. Every state is different re: requirements/protocol to file sep/divorce.
NO MORE TALKING TO HER.
This woman left you go go live with another man.
AND YES........find out who the girlfriend is and EXPOSE the affair. Do this w/o telling your wife or the OM beforehand. Because if you warn them, it gives them time to corroborate stories and make you out to be the crazy one. Don't let them know beforehand.
Re: Blind-sided and having a very hard time coping!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by lisa3girls
I know... we have been married for 23 years, and together for 30- I have been with him for more of my life than I haven't. It makes me questions everything and yeah, scary as hell.
yes! I'm just so happy with the support we found here, allowing us not to feel like we are alone.
Re: Blind-sided and having a very hard time coping!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jellybeans
Eh. You just fcked up. Don't beat yourself up too much but you did exactly what we told you NOT to do. DO NOT CONTACT HER. DO NOT QUOTE from this website what people are saying. Don't even let her know you're on TAM. Don't let her know anything about you. Don't aclling her saying she ruined your life and you want to inflict pain on her and blah blah blah. She will see you as a psycho/despserate loser who doesn't respect himself/can't let go even when she's kicking dirt in his face.
SILENCE.
Not a peep from you to her. Do not contact her again. At all.
Re: CA laws--you should google them or call up an attorney or your county courthouse for the laws. Every state is different re: requirements/protocol to file sep/divorce.
NO MORE TALKING TO HER.
This woman left you go go live with another man.
AND YES........find out who the girlfriend is and EXPOSE the affair. Do this w/o telling your wife or the OM beforehand. Because if you warn them, it gives them time to corroborate stories and make you out to be the crazy one. Don't let them know beforehand.
Thanks! I realized what I did was not the best move and she actually just texted me to say that it was very thoughtful and to see if I am ok. I didn't and have no intention to reply. I have an old friend flying in tonight to spend some time with me.
so you suggest not to tell people at work, but do tell , what I think is the ex girlfriend? I would love to expose that to her and have many times thought about it, but I am scared of any repercussions coming my way.
Does anyone have any experiences in this and what happened in their case.
I will look up what I can do to have her served. I would really like to do it while she's at work.
Re: Blind-sided and having a very hard time coping!!
First of all, his GF has been in on off relationship with OM? So, the exposure is unlikely to bring about much effect in the first place. So, what repercussion are you afraid of? Your W getting mad at you and do what? She may actually thank you for cutting her competitor off her lover. In other words, you got nothing to lose here.
And, also for other exposures, I really don't see any downfalls from it. She now lives with him, no? You got nothing to lose.
Re: Blind-sided and having a very hard time coping!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by sadcalifornian
First of all, his GF has been in on off relationship with OM? So, the exposure is unlikely to bring about much effect in the first place. So, what repercussion are you afraid of? Your W getting mad at you and do what? She may actually thank you for cutting her competitor off her lover. In other words, you got nothing to lose here.
And, also for other exposures, I really don't see any downfalls from it. She now lives with him, no? You got nothing to lose.
If this has shown me anything, it's that people are selfish and self-involved and you never know what a person might do. So to gauge what that impact would be on him and what he would do about that to me, I'm not sure.
In regards to telling the people at her work, that would come back and bite me as well. She works in a small office, of which there are two teams. my WW is the team leader of one and a newly made second team. Her team and the other, her old team of which she worked under the current team leader, both are given accounts of which they make commission off of by a person who seeks those accounts out and chooses who gets these accounts. The OM is one of two of these account finders and by far the better one. if the other team and especially the other team leader would find out, there would obviously be a conflict of interest and it would be harsh, especially since there is no upper management there or in this city for that matter. It's a juicy option and would feel great. but I would for sure see repercussions of this, I'm sure the affair would end, she would have no place to go, have to move back in and it would be horrible and she would just blame me for ruining her life saying harsh things and making this process a whole lot worse. But still is very tempting and I toy with it all the time.
but yeah, telling the ex could lead to that anyways, and I don't need any sort of altercation that would be bad for me...but I still might.
Re: Blind-sided and having a very hard time coping!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeres
Thanks! I realized what I did was not the best move and she actually just texted me to say that it was very thoughtful and to see if I am ok. I didn't and have no intention to reply. I have an old friend flying in tonight to spend some time with me .
Sweet Jebus that was NO BUENO, you basically gave away your hand. Now when she sees you avoiding her she is going to think you are playing games and going to wait you out (expecting you to crack before she does). Stop giving in to your emotions, they are irrational and will sabotage you if you continue that path. Always do the opposite of what you feel like doing. Every time you talk to her that's another nail in the coffin.
Don't EVER tell her what you are doing, you just make yourself look that much more pathetic. You DO NOT want her to feel guilty or feel sorry for you, you have to look strong and show you will be fine without her, happy even. Never let her see you cry or act sad.
The goal is indifference, as if you don't care about her anymore. The best way to do this is to blow her off and show no interest in her or anything she has to say.
Re: Blind-sided and having a very hard time coping!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by ArmyofJuan
Sweet Jebus that was NO BUENO, you basically gave away your hand. Now when she sees you avoiding her she is going to think you are playing games and going to wait you out (expecting you to crack before she does). Stop giving in to your emotions, they are irrational and will sabotage you if you continue that path. Always do the opposite of what you feel like doing. Every time you talk to her that's another nail in the coffin.
That's a very good point. Wish I had thought of that.
She'll come onto this website and will know what you're doing.
__________________
I used to be h.u.r.t.h.u.s.b., but I am instead a person who has many roles, not just a cuckolded man.
WW Affair began: 12/31/2010
DDay: 7/24/2011
Divorce or Reconciliation? Stay tuned..
Re: Blind-sided and having a very hard time coping!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by aug
She's moved out. Keep her out. Change the locks. She can always rent if the OM kicks her out.
Is your home a rental? Or, do you own it? Jointly?
It's a rental that we are both on the lease. our finances are a bit tricky as well. My parents just gave me some inheritance form my grandparents about 2 weeks ago and I made sure to get it back and I don't want to share that with her, which she is cool with. I took it out in a check made out to myself. at this point, she is paying half for everything, rent, utilities - not through communication, but through just paying the bills form the same account - which makes my life easier especially if I will be moving back home and leaving my job here.
Re: Blind-sided and having a very hard time coping!!
Hey Jeres----you need to go to the closest county courthouse to where you live----get a blank Divorce packet---it will cost you about $20---get custody paperwork, if that is involved
Take plenty of time, fill out the paperwork---get help filling out the packet---then take it back to that courthouse and file it----make 4 copies---one for the court---one to serve her with---and 2 for you to keep
It's easy enuff to do---its just mentally hard to do it---but you will save thousands of dollars in atty's fees, and it is very easy actually---thousands of couples do divorce by themselves w/out atty's---so just take your time on the paperwork
In calif. all courthouses are closed on friday's --so you need to go mon. thru thus.
Re: Blind-sided and having a very hard time coping!!
So, while your lease is on, you have to help her keep the job, is that it? Even though now she lives with him, as long as she pays half of all the stuff you mentioned, you don't want to rock the boat?
Re: Blind-sided and having a very hard time coping!!
To be honest, at this point I would like to have her served as early as the start of next week, I think it will feel much more real when she gets those docs handed to her by a stranger.....do they say " persons name?" "yes" "you've been served" or is that just from the movies?
Re: Blind-sided and having a very hard time coping!! 
