The stupidest thinks set me off, even though I am doing better m
I had to take out the trash for pickup yesterday, exactly one week since I found out... my neighbors must have thought me nuts and I sobbed while pulling the cans out of my garage.
Then I had to take my daughter to the hospital for a test, and that is where all three were born, and memories of the good times of their births when he still loved me came flooding in and I totally fell apart... geesh is makes me tear up just to tell you this.
But our household has actually been calmer and more pleasant without him. And my kids seem ok, it boggles my mind, but they seem pretty ok.
My latest struggle is civility and trust. He wants to see the kids, but I don't trust him and I know it isn't right, but I want him to really really FEEL what he has done. Letting him see the kids at will makes me feel like he is still cake eating.
Re: The stupidest thinks set me off, even though I am doing better m
I'm glad to hear that you are starting to feel better. And those memories are good memories, snapshots in time, don't forget them.
Enjoy YOUR house and your girls. You've earned it. Have a girls night where they invite friends over for a movie, snacks, and drinks. Let them go nuts. Watch them, and instigate a pillow fight!
As for him seeing the kids, make it painful for him. Tell him that the girls would like to see their morally grounded father, but he dies. So he'll have to do. Sorry, I hate him for what he did to you. So maybe my suggestion is poor. But I had to say it.
Re: The stupidest thinks set me off, even though I am doing better m
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jellybeans
You have to let him see his kids, Lisa.
No matter what the issues between you and him, he is their father and has that right.
He can only cake-eat re: the A if you allow him to. The children are an entirely different matter.
But it is so unfair... he scoops up one of them and takes them to lunch and ice cream... and I do all the heavy lifting. And right now, I am so lonely... he has someone and all I have is them. I want them with me.
I know it isn't right, I just cannot help how I feel. It won't last forever I am sure, but right now, I need them.
Re: The stupidest thinks set me off, even though I am doing better m
Lisa, was it you that said you were going to get a cat in an earlier post? Either way, getting a pet might help. Get one and surprise the girls with it.
Re: The stupidest thinks set me off, even though I am doing better m
The children will see him for who and what he is-- in their time.
My daughter is seeing her father for who he is and I never said one bad word about him. The older she gets though, she makes her own assumptions and she's pretty spot-on.
Just suck it up in that regards. They'll figure things out and soon, he may stop coming around so much. Those single guys really don't have their priorities straight. /sarcasm.
But I know how you feel about the little things setting you off. I bawled outside by the trashcans too when my Hubs left...cause that was always his job...and I had to do it then. No fun indeed.
Re: The stupidest thinks set me off, even though I am doing better m
Wow, I just posted almost the same emotions and struggles on my thread, maybe it is the time of year. I so know your pain, and am sorry you are going thru this. For me my youngest is 20 almost 21 and I realize each day what a blessing that is. My daughters have it figured out, they know as well as me what the deal is.. Yours will too. dont bash him (I have to watch myself on this) you dont need to, kids are sharp they figure it out. Peace be with you.
Re: The stupidest thinks set me off, even though I am doing better m
Lisa, my sister was with her guy (D) for a good amount of time. They had a baby together, my niece, engaged though not married. He had an affair with a married woman (M) and left my sis and child to be with said M. M left her husband at the time (and her children) to go live/marry D and have more kids. My sis never spoke unkindly of him to my niece. He was in her life and then he wasn't, all whenever he wanted to be. A true coward and a sh!tty dad. My niece can't stand him and nobody's ever spoken badly about him ever. Fast forward thru the years...about 3 yrs ago M left D for another man, leaving her second set of kids behind (again). (So that's like 4 kids abandoned now). W/in the last yr D calls my sister up begging forgiveness and saying hew ants to make things right and wants another chance and please will she give it to him, that he an prove himself to her. SHe says it's the most pathetic thing she has ever witnessed. Needless to say she has long since moved on and he has only now realized what crap choices he made, especially when it came to do with his daughter/my niece. My niece sees him just for who he is. It's sad.
The stupidest thinks set me off, even though I am doing better m 
No fun indeed.
