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‘I Left My Husband For Him, But He Didn’t Return The Favor’

36K views 221 replies 44 participants last post by  italianjob 
#1 ·
Wow..this woman is not only remorseless but clueless...

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‘I Left My Husband For Him, But He Didn’t Return The Favor’

By Cassie Robinson

Sometimes we screw up, but we have to find happiness and strength within to get back up again.

If someone had walked up to me and told me a year ago I would be a 30-year-old single mom with two kids, I would have looked at them like they were bat**** crazy.

A year ago, I was THAT mom — the one who seemed to have it all together, who had it all in some ways: two beautiful boys, a nice home, a good man and father to our kids. I cooked the meals and coordinated professional family photos, planned vacations, sent out Christmas cards, etc. I had a rigid schedule but made time to run and managed to be in decent physical shape.

But something was missing. In my marriage, I felt alone. Why wasn’t I happy?

I met my ex when I was seventeen. He was four years older than me and I was smitten. He had a job, a truck, and a house. He had it all together. We got along great so dating him while I was in college seemed like the right thing to do. And of course, after college the next step was marriage, right?

He was a hard worker and provided stability throughout the marriage. We had two beautiful boys and all seemed well — or was it?

After having our second child, I started to feel different. I hated the person I was and the wife and mother I had become. I did not feel good enough and I felt incredibly alone. I was unhappy.

I strived to be perfect and wanted validation from my husband and always seemed to end up disappointed. We only communicated when it came to daily tasks and the kids. Date nights disappeared and communication was lacking. I felt my husband did not want to spend time with me. That alone feeling turned into resentment and I grew to hate the man I married. And then my life started to change before my eyes and it all hit me like a ton of bricks.

He will remain nameless. We talked every single day about our ho-hum lives, kiddos and sleep deprivation, running, peanut butter/dark chocolate goodness, etc. He was quirky, but I was too and we clicked instantly as friends. Never did we discuss problems in our marriages. We just jived well and I always enjoyed talking to him. I could be my goofy self with him.

He thought my tattoos were cool when my husband did not, we shared an appreciation for swear words, his sweet tooth was just as terrible as mine and we shared a Starbucks addiction. One day, I looked at him in a different light and realized that I loved him as more than a friend. He knew more about me than anyone, made me feel beautiful, embraced my quirkiness... I knew at that moment he was the love of my life and my heart belonged to him. There was a problem: He was married and so was I.

Our innocent conversations turned into professing our love to one another. Apparently he had felt that way our entire friendship and I was oblivious the entire time. That led to future conversations about marriage, where we would live, custody arrangements, etc. We loved each other and knew we could no longer live without one another.

Did this man have an impact on my decision to divorce my husband? Yes. Was it the only reason? No. But knowing I had found the “love of my life” made the decision to divorce my companion and husband of 12 years much more bearable.

So I did it. All of the resentment and insecurities I had bottled up over time were released and I filed for divorce. At that point I went through the motions, I did what I thought made sense and what I had to do.

There was no drama and the divorce was clean. In less than two months, I went from having the “perfect” family and “having it all” to becoming a single mom. But I had it all figured out. I was finally going to be happy — or so I thought.

I was now divorced, but he was not. We continued to talk about our plans and how happy we were going to be. And then one day that all changed. He told me although he would always love me, he could not follow through with our plan for the sake of his kids. And just like that, my plans to spend the rest of my life with the man I loved and my best friend were crushed.

I write all of this not for pity. Am I heartbroken? Yep. Was I naive? Hell yes. But I am not a victim.

I made some errors in judgment and take responsibility for my actions. I share all of this to say I am not perfect; no one is. We all make mistakes, but we still deserve happiness. It took going through a divorce and being left brokenhearted to begin truly learning who I am as my own person and what I really want — the one thing I never gave myself the opportunity to do while I was in a relationship all of those years.

I was knocked down by a ton of bricks when he decided not to divorce his wife and it has been a true test to get back up again and climb out of the abyss. It is not easy, but I am learning to appreciate life from a different perspective. I am more humble, I am more patient, I am more forgiving.

I am learning to love myself and I am becoming a better mother because of it. I am now 30 and a single mom of two awesome kids. Am I lonely? Yes. But that is ok. I have learned so much about myself over the last 12 months I now know I deserve happiness and will not settle for anything less.
 
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#6 ·
It sounds like her hb wasn't that happy with her either, if he wasn't paying much attention and the divorce was clean and amicable.

Hvll, he may have had something else himself.

They were very young when they my and probably neither had lived much, and people change.

People will tend to get hung up on the cheating aspect, but she may have actually done her hb a favor.

Otherwise you'd expect a lot of hurt and animosity during her divorce.

But this is why you don't leave a marriage for someone else. You leave a marriage because it isn't working and you've tried to fix it.
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#10 ·
Don't see why you would speculate that he had something going on the side.....I think the WW would have mentioned that if it was true.....it would have made her, "The M was bad and we drifted apart" viewpoint much stronger and believable if she could have declared her BH was doing the same as her.

Or BH might have just have been one of those guys who said "Get the h*ll out of my life cheater, I want nothing more to do with you EVER."

I was with my cheating exLTgf.

So the D went swiftly because her BH wasn't going to tolerate her selfish crap.
 
#13 ·
If the authoer was trying to poray herself as sympathetic - well she failed - she just seems really childish and selfish...I feel sorry for her kids...did you notice how she described herself as a "single mom" - was it to elicit sympathy because A) Her kids do have a father B) she caused this mess...
 
#30 ·
She was, like most WWs, wreckless. It's all about her. The kids are an after thought. To be honest she sounds like the typical adulteress you read about on LS.

To bad she didn't do some research on TAM, LS, and SI. She would have found out that even though women are willing to blowup their families for their AP. Very few men are willing to do the same.

Is it because the "family" courts financially punish fathers and reward mothers? Maybe it's because woman usually get custody and the husband will be relegated to part time dad every other weekend. Or maybe it's the thought of their kids potentially enduring an abusive step father or boyfriends. Or maybe it's the thought of basically abandoning your flesh and blood kids to spend your time around some other man's kids.

I'm sure it's a mix of all of the above. Whenever I read about men who are willing to blow up their families for an AP, the guy was usually in a truly sexless marriage or was himself a BH. If those are not the case, the man story sound so weak. Reading their threads, you want to kick their @ss and tell them to man up.
 
#43 ·
I think Thomas Jefferson is turning over in his grave as he sees how his Enlightenment ideal of pursuit of happiness is turned into a battle cry for entitlement. Instead of enlightened self-interst, we have entitled self-interest.

Her loneliness. Her emptiness. Her unhappiness. All of these things she seems to feel are caused by others, esp. her poor H. I agree that the quick divorce may well indicate that he was unhappy, too. Who wouldn't be with a clueless, entitled spouse like this?

The thing is, when we bring children into the world we don't get to expect our own happiness as a right. We dedicate ourselves to the job of raising our children to healthy adults. We try to balance our lives, their lives, and hope for the best.

I read things like this all the time and they make me want to let loose with a primal scream. Here is yet another married person with children who is a hit and run driver in multiple people's lives. She ruined her own marriage and invaded the marriage of her prince charming. Worst of all, she was too selfish to see that she owed it to her children to at least try to act like a responsible adult.

I always ask where the kids were in all this drama. They are afterthoughts to these stupid cheaters. Poor kids.

My .02. End of rant.
 
#45 ·
This post is spot on! Any married person that nukes their family - with children involved for their AP is a special kind of selfish scum - there is no redeeming them...

You hit the nail on the head with the term entitled self-interest - she is entitled to her "fantasy book" life and damn it if she has to steam toll 3, 4,5 or more lives to get there - she will do it..

Her actions are not something to be proud of but something to be ashamed of - it shows what a small person she truly is - very small person....The words "work" "duty" and "loyalty" are not in her vocabulary...
 
#50 ·
Wow..this woman is not only remorseless but clueless...


I made some errors in judgment and take responsibility for my actions. I share all of this to say I am not perfect; no one is. We all make mistakes, but we still deserve happiness. It took going through a divorce and being left brokenhearted to begin truly learning who I am as my own person and what I really want — the one thing I never gave myself the opportunity to do while I was in a relationship all of those years.


I am learning to love myself and I am becoming a better mother because of it. I am now 30 and a single mom of two awesome kids. Am I lonely? Yes. But that is ok. I have learned so much about myself over the last 12 months I now know I deserve happiness and will not settle for anything less.
I call this ELPS - Eat, Love, Pray syndrome

I look at this as poor business management.
I would ask her what her ROI (return on investment) was.

Yes, I do agree that we all deserve happiness. However, you don't deserve happiness at the expense of others.

And being a better mother? Perhaps. Did it really take becoming an adulteress and blowing up your family to do this? Couldn't she have reinvested in the marriage and change what was "lacking" instead of going into the arms of another man and creating issues that ultimately lead to the destruction of her family?
 
#52 ·
It's clear she wasn't thinking - in her mind her new life was going to be all rainbows and unicorns...as far as her being a better mother? I don't think so...you are right blowing up your family and demonstrating that in the face of adversity it is ok to cheat and then to leave sets a HORRIBLE example for your children...absolutely awful. How can she teach them honesty and responsibility?

Her next article will be: "How both the men in my life let me down."
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Exactly, that is the thing in her mind it will NEVER be her fault ever.

On an unrelated note I hate it when a cheater says "I lost it all" - you didn't lose it all genius you GAVE it all away..big !@#$%^& difference...
 
#53 ·
Man such a tough crowd. I liked the article. She was putting herself out there and it was honest and she made a dumb embarrassing mistake. I think she wrote it not to make herself look like the victim but to show how foolish she was, and I think there is power in the truth and i bet that spoke to a lot of people. I think she is brave to write that. I'm surprised by all the hate and backlash. People make stupid mistakes... They are human.
 
#57 ·
I didn't get that from reading her at all - she is a woman on a mission to find "prince charming" - good luck with that.

This was not some dumb mistake - she destroyed her family and would have been part of destroying another family - it's evil not some "silly mistake"
 
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#92 · (Edited)
I read the words I take responsibility for my actions yet I see nothing to indicate any accountability.

Let me say this loud and clear.

Suffering is not taking accountability or owning the responsibility of your actions.

That is the message that has resonated here at TAM and one that often drives away WAS.
Exactly many cheaters say how "bad" they feel and how much "self-loathing" they have - um ok - so what - cheaters bring that on themselves how about pain and self-loathing and other nice goodies they inflicted on their BS - the Bs did not get the ego boost or the sexual pleasure the WS did...I grow tired of WS talk of how they "punish" themselves - they also punished alot of other people along the way...such utter bullsh!t comes from the mouths of waywards...
 
#90 ·
If you want to read an almost limitless supply of the same self-centered, irrational, emotion driven egotism.....just go read the threads in the Loveshack OM/OW/WS section.

It will make your skin crawl, BUT it is very enlightening to see how their thought processes work.

It is amazing to see the posts of people who are almost entirely driven by their emotions, almost without a single shred of logical or realistic thought in their selfish heads.

I refuse to date anyone who I discover has ever cheated or been an AP after getting a glimpse into how entitled and emotion driven they are on that site.

Might as well sign up to be a punching bag in the gym......because they are so screwed up there is no way they could turn their thought process around to be stable in a relationship.
 
#91 ·
Agreed - cheating in a previous relationship is a deal breaker for me..no person is guaranteed to be faithful but someone with a history of infidelity gets crossed off the list immediately....

I think I'll stay away from loveshack - SI is bad enough with their waywards section and their little stop signs..
 
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#95 ·
Talk about a victim mentality, not once does she consider the damage she did to her kids, her ex-husband, the OM's wife who did nothing to deserve it, potentially the other guys kids, her family, his family. It's all about her and how she's a victim because OM didn't blow up his family for her.

I wonder if she's realized yet that OM just wanted to get in her pants and never had any intention of leaving his wife for her?
 
#98 ·
I wonder if she's realized yet that OM just wanted to get in her pants and never had any intention of leaving his wife for her?
No she thought he was he soul mate - she is a fool who will wander blaming everyone else for her unhappiness...the OM has his family and the OM's kids have an intact family - can't say the same for her kids...she is a truly remorseless selfish creature...
 
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