Initfortheduration

Merry Christmas, Tover. Don't let her talk to him and definitely don't let her go to singapore. I can guarantee that she would be blackmailed into making more movies (whether she liked it or not). Its sad, but she is reaping what she sewed. Like you said, its lawn chair and popcorn time.

Shaggy

If she was going to go to Singapore it would only be on a one way ticket after signing 100% of the family and kids over to you.

Tover26

So, updates...
A Christmas Eve email was sent by same that was to just her and was a crotch video of a woman having sex at a glory hole. It looked and sounded like her.
- My wife's defense was to tell me it wasn't her and that she'd never made a video that didn't include her face.
- Approximately 10 sec after she said that, I showed her a video she emailed her lover that did not include her face. She went pale and started crying... "how do you have that?"
- I asked her, "Why do you continue to lie? If this isn't you, prove it... don't tell me lies. I'm done." I packed up my stuff and left.
- As I was getting in the car, my kids came running out and asked me where I was going. It was hard to explain and I realized... why am I leaving?
- I went back in and found my wife collapsed in the closet crying. I told her that confronting the gloryhole video she claims she never made... and there were at least 2 if not 3 guys having sex with her in that video... constitutes a whole new level of lies and affairs. I asked... "If you didn't make that, how can your response to it be yet another lie and then collapsing in the closet while I leave? Your silence makes it true. There were parts of that even I recognzied as not being true like the date/time stamp on the bogus email. If that wasn't true and given how much I want to believe that YOU WOULD NOT DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT, Why Won't You Fight For The Marriage You Keep Saying You Are Fighting For?"
- I explained to her that this was the last time I was going to come back and fight for our marriage on her behalf. Since it was Christmas Eve, I challenged her to a game she had given me for my birthday called "Know Your Spouse" or something and as her score fell from perfect she gave up concessions in the divorce agreement but if she scored above a certain level, I'd let the gloryhole video go and take her word that it wasn't her. She passed. Sad to say, I would fail the wife side of this as I don't know my wife at all anymore. I feel like I'm living with an alien. But damn am I tired of fighting for her.


A Merry Christmas Day email was sent by her lover as if from her own account to everyone on her side of the family. It described an extremely abusive situation and she asked them for prayers and help and begged her lover to speed up his plans to come and save her from me. At the same time, he sent me an email mocking me and her.


Her brother and aunt called her to see if she's okay. It's interesting that he has yet to send actual pictures or video and I'm beginning to wonder if he has any. Why else attack me when it'd be so much easier to post a video of her trash talking me and achieve a more effective same end result?

Tover26

She can go to Singapore if she wants. I completed a transfer of $10k to her as part of the divorce agreement. I've set a date in February at which point I'm either going to 100% commit to reconciliation or divorce. The sitting around and waiting for her to bravely show any level of integrity is killing my spirit and hindering my ability to rebuild myself and be good at anything.

Unsure in Seattle

You GAVE her money?

Additional- why haven't you guys changed emails? For goodness' sake.

I totally understand that there's not a lot you can do to the Singapore guy. But there's stuff you can do to protect yourself, you know? You can't have him sending emails from her account (! I don't even understand how that works unless he has her passwords) to family.

bryanp

Time to save yourself and your children. God knows what kind of diseases she might already have. Your wife is a very sick woman who is toxic to you and your children.

Tover26

Before DDay #1, #2, and #3... she and blackmail/Singapore guy basically wargamed how to get a divorce out of me that would give her control of her daughters and hence child support and allow her to be with this guy and do whatever it was they were going to do. Ironic she doesn't know his real name huh? All I had at that point was a gut feeling that something was going on and so I cooperated with the post-nupital divorce agreement and protected myself. Because she wanted the DV agreement sooooo badly, I made certain concessions, like transfering $10k to her individual account asap OR completed before either of us triggers the divorce agreement, and I got concessions I can live with and still feel like I'm being a good father to her daughters. So, yes, I gave her money and not a penny more. It's a clear message to her that I'm abiding by the divorce agreement and in fact getting ready for a dv.

Meanwhile, she went back to try the polygraph with a different polygrapher yesterday on how many lovers she had and got inconclusive results again. Apparently her anxiety levels kept spiking even during questions like "Is your name XYZ?" Interesting that not only can she not design a polygraph question set that she can pass, but interesting that she has now 2x had inconclusive results. That's too bad because if she passed, I would feel a lot better about attempting reconciliation... and if she definitively failed, she had agreed to abandon the family and leave.

I've asked her to get STD and paternity tests done. If she can't, when I get to the anniversary of when I asked her to marry me, I'll weigh that appropriately when I decide whether to reconcile or not. Seems kind of bleak right now though.

Yesterday, we had a pretty good day. The night before she recreated our 1st date ever and we had a good time. Last night, was good too. We talked about her inconclusive polygraph and connected for the first time in a while. We were talking about her aunt and some friends from before we moved and I pulled up my Facebook account... guess what I found? You'll never guess.

Either because he created a fake FB account, or because my wife helped him when she had my password, he had a fake account in the name of her lesbian lover where I was that fake account's only friend. And, he posted a video of my wife masturbating and moaning his name on my FB wall!!! There were no comments or likes or anything and because I was with my wife, she deleted it before I could really see what was going on or even when it had been posted. Lucky huh? There was a nice text block he wrote with the video I grabbed and emailed myself before my wife deleted it:
Protecting myself... several of you have noted this. I've protected all of my stuff... my accounts, my email, my FB, it's all with different passwords that not even my wife knows now since DDay #1. I can't really do anything about her accounts. I have however figured out what is going on. If any of you search on "spoof email" or "spoof SMS" you'll find a variety of services that allow anyone to send fake emails and text messages. I believe this is how he is doing it. GMAIL is the only internet email provider that catches the headers that would even suggest it is fake and only then if you're actually looking for it to be fake. I know she didn't email me that stuff from her account. I was hoping her lover did not have videos but last night, there my wife was masturbating all over my FB wall and screaming his name. Weeeeee.

Apparently I've been talking in my sleep and my wife knows that in February I'm done. I wish she didn't know that. I'm tired of this drama. I keep looking for the woman I believe I married and it's annoying that maybe she's still around somewhere but is being drowned out by all the noise of her life.

To be clear, the gloryhole video was not her. She has a freckle on her butt cheek that was missing from that video. I really wish that it hadn't boiled down to a super tiny freckle.

Shaggy

When you say there is nothing you can do about her accounts - sure there is.

she gives you the passwords and you delete each every account. If you can delete it, you change the account info so no one can reset it without knowing the new answers and then you change the password.

As for the 10K did it go into a new or old account of hers. Could he possibly know her old account details and try to transfer it out to himself?

Another thing - you said she deleted something yesterday on your wall before you could see it. She should not have that kind of access to your stuff, nor should she be delete anything at all.

Why is she designing the tests? Can't the poly experts advise you on the questions to ask given your situation?

lordmayhem

Thank goodness it wasnt her...in this one. But geez, her reaction seems to indicate that she made something similar. It was all fun and games when she was planning to divorce you and screw you over, huh. Reality is a b!tch.
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Initfortheduration

You have got to get away. These are her real feelings she is displaying in these videos. You are her gravy train, do not continue to do this to yourself. I could not imagine a single relative of yours that would want you to remain in this situation. Your was completely contemptuous of you, now you find out that she has also done girl on girl for him. Stay strong.

Eli-Zor

Some OM are very good at manipulating and it looks like he is a bunny boiler who cannot get what he wants and will try to do everything he can to try break you up, yet he will never take your wife even if she offered herself on a platter. Its a malicious game to him.

Assume your wife gave him a lot more detail on the accounts than she is saying, and have her change everyone of them and lock down everything including the details within facebook and your mail accounts. This includes your mail reset addresses. Create a common message from you and your wife and post it on facebook , mention that he is a malicious hacker and if anyone believes differently they are free to contact you and your wife directly.

Have your PC reloaded in case your wife let him on board and he has remotely loaded a keylogger. He may not have even told her.

Don't rush any D, you have time on your hands and once the drama has cleared and he has disappeared life will be different.

Eli-Zor

Sorry in my humble experience of many a polygraph this sounds like bull. If she is failing the general questions that set the baseline then I suspect she in enabling the anxiety to ensure the poly cannot even start.

Be very patient with this. You create the set of questions with the examiner and when ready you schedule the poly.

Tover26

Thanks guys. As noted, I've checked out all my accounts and equipment. I'm good. She removed it from my wall because the whole thing was bringing on a seizure. As noted earlier, I have epilepsy and so where normal people get to have triggers, I go very quickly from triggers to auras to seizures.

Will do all that other stuff. I should be at work today but I'm staying home to cycle all my passwords again and start figuring some of this crap out.

mr.miketastic

This guy might be into the "kink"
Ask your wife if she has an account on www.fetlife.com
That's a fetish social networking site. You might be able to actually find him by his location if he truly is in Singapore.
If he is this is a quote from wikipedia "Visiting pornographic websites and viewing their content is not an offence in Singapore, although it is deemed illegal to provide and/or supply any form of pornography from within the country.[57] It is also an offence to be in possession of pornographic material.[5"

I bet you anything she does have a secret account on fetlife.

Eli-Zor

Take it easy be careful and don't let this ass**le wind you up.