There is another aspect to the story which is troubling. Look at the OW she hooked up with. Someone who is terribly promiscuous, someone who actually would want someone with the history you wife related to her. The OW is a very sleazy lowlife. Think about, this is the kind f person you wife is drawn to.
Even if she didn't have these other claimed affairs, there is something seriously messed up inher that would even want to hookup with this trashy OW Posted via Mobile Device
There is another aspect to the story which is troubling. Look at the OW she hooked up with. Someone who is terribly promiscuous, someone who actually would want someone with the history you wife related to her. The OW is a very sleazy lowlife. Think about, this is the kind f person you wife is drawn to.
Even if she didn't have these other claimed affairs, there is something seriously messed up inher that would even want to hookup with this trashy OW Posted via Mobile Device
normally, I would say counseling. But here she may need an exorcist?
I wonder if the other woman was in some why a dominating personality. Possibly controlling and abusive?
Maybe in some twisted way, being accepted by her gave you wife an elevated feeling of worth?
Just trying to guess here.
The OW seems to aggressively be trying to end your marriage. She may continue to pull things and try to manipulate your wife. Has your wife gone full and verifiable non-contact with the OW?
1) She has got to stop the crazy mind games with you and her trickle truth lying. When you ask her a question and she responds, check if her eyelinds go down; if so, she's lying.
2) Ban access to the "social" networking fvuckbook sites. They are dangerous. Just think, there is an audit trail of her expliots and this is being watched by big brother sites. If that information got into the wrong hands it could be dangerous.
Get rid of these sites during your attempt to reoncile.
3) Before actioning 2)above write a no contact letter. You make sure these are sent. Verify everything.
With the outside influences removed, go to work on your marriage as that is what you want to do.
Consider a private chat with boss at work saying you have a personal family crisis and enquire as to what can you both do to help manage this difficult period that benefits both you and your employer. If you have been a productive employee in the past, your company maybe very supportive.
There is no way with this dangerous situation of a blackmail guy in the background that your kids can leave home to go with mom into an unsafe environment.
You are the steady normal influence in their life.
Thanks. Lets see...
- OW's threats. This is just hearsay from people I don't know and have never met. I have no "proof" or I'd have the restraining order already.
- All the rest of your points are in line with my own thoughts but for the kids' sake I feel I have to give my wife time to stabilize so since I'm stuck here I'm giving R my best. Because I'm a wreck, I'm not exactly Mr. Fun and Awesome Dad or Husband, but I'm trying.
- I've been on my job for almost 2 months. Day 3 was when my wife asked for divorce. Day 6 was when we had the dv agreement worked out. Day 16 was DDay... I have no performance history at all to justify confiding in my boss or anyone. I'm actually looking for other jobs as a backup to being fired if I can't pull it together.
- Wife seems to be abiding by No Contact, but how do you ever know? I have no interest in policing her because of the low survival rate marriages have when a straight spouse is trying to make things work with a lesbian or practicing bisexual.
My worst fear is not R and having it turn out my wife is sincere in making things work out. Next worse is the personality disorder/etc stuff voiced by everyone on this thread. At the end of the day, would a polygraph even address any of these issues, or is there another way?
I wonder if the other woman was in some why a dominating personality. Possibly controlling and abusive?
Maybe in some twisted way, being accepted by her gave you wife an elevated feeling of worth?
Just trying to guess here.
The OW seems to aggressively be trying to end your marriage. She may continue to pull things and try to manipulate your wife. Has your wife gone full and verifiable non-contact with the OW?
Yep,sounds like a man hater to me too with a very mean demon.
Straight marriages when one spouse is bi or gay seem to have awful survival rates
That should be last thing on your mind. She is utterly shameless, lying , deceptive and has no respect for you. That during the R is even more repulsive. You can never trust such a person. You will never be able to trust her again. You will never be sure if she will stay when a better alternative comes along. I can only assume what happened during the first marriage too.
Also OP, threaten her with a polygraph and see how she reacts (if it is too expensive). Offer her a chance to come clean for any chance of R. Maybe that's all that you need
Okay, humor me... I've mentioned the polygraph and she had a "bring it on" mentality. What questions?
1. Did you want your affairs to end your marriage?
2. How many people were you involved with sexually in 2011?
3. How many affairs did you have before 2011?
4. Have you continued to have contact with any of your lovers?
5. Did you use any recreational drugs besides alcohol during your affiars?
6. Are you sexually attracted to women?
7. Are you sexually attracted to your husband?
8. You told your female lover about another male lover, that his name is Thomas. Did you have an affair with Thomas?
9. You told your female lover about having been with many other lesbians during and prior to marrying. How many? Besides Ally, when was the most recent one?
10. Are there more lies you have not yet told your husband about?
...fill in the gaps with me crew. I don't know how these work, but I'd love to have a good questionairre built up.
Lets throw in;
11) are you commited to your husband?
12) did you in fact have multiable ONS, male and female?
13) are you will to do the heavy lifting in helping your husband heal ?
do you have a plan to leave your husband
have you made a plan to divorce
have you told your husband about all your lovers
are you still seeing any lovers other than your husband
do you plan on meeting up with any lovers other than your husband
have you ended all your extra marital affairs
have you had an std
have you had an std test
do you have money hidden away
Put a key logger on her computer. if she is still having contact with the OW/OM then you will know.. they also make key loggers for most smart phones.. Ger her phone records.
Polygraphs test can be easily passed even if you are lying. I would use this as a last resort...
Also, you can get a voice activated digital recorder (they are fairly inexpensive you can get one at wal-mart for like 30 bucks or so.) put it in her car, under her seat, make sure she wont find it.
Key logger? Naw... honestly, if you have to police a wayward that much is it even worth it? Plus, her computer records, indirectly because it was her lover's side that messed up, gave her away. I think the big lesson learned for her and all cheaters out there is to avoid computer records.
So, polygraphs cost $700 in my area. They'll only do 3 questions per session. So delving to the root of it all:
- How many people have you had sexual contact with since we first met? (supposedly 2 if she's being honest, me and the OW).
- Are you sexually attracted to women?
- Are there more lies and secrets your husband should know about?
To answer some of the other questions posted... my wife's reaction to the alleged threats was that she didn't believe it but she has been extra-vigilant about locking things up and not leaving our kids alone.
90Likes
Re: Lesbian/Bi/Serial... oh my 
Plus, her computer records, indirectly because it was her lover's side that messed up, gave her away. I think the big lesson learned for her and all cheaters out there is to avoid computer records. 
