You forcing her to take poly means you are giving R a chance. Assuming she pass the poly, I hope she's worth keeping.
I would expose these details to inlaws so that she should truly realize the utter ugliness of her actions in the midst of her humiliation having to explain all this to her mom and dad. Yet, if she is still willing to accept her fault and beg to come back, then I would consider maybe.
If she leaves, you must not let the children stay around her - the stuff she is into is a real threat to them. One of her sicko friends could easily be a pedophile, druggie, who knows what. No kids should ever be exposed to that sick stuff.
--
any chance this is all a game he is playing through her? Having her "come clean", as a way to humliate her and prove herself to him?
Perhaps she's still connecting with him and being directed by him.
You know that old saying about "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me?" I think that totally fits this situation.
While all infidelity is bad, there is quite a degree of difference between "wife got drunk and had a one night stand with a stranger," and
"wife had a lesbian affair, also had an online slave affair, both long duration, plus probably some other crap you don't know about."
But at some point, it gets ludicrous to even try. Tover, you are well past the point of ridiculous.
Betrayal by someone you thought loved you is a terrible blow, and people handle it different ways. But, really, do you have any limit as to how much betrayal and abuse you will accept?
Why are you even wasting your time with a polygraph? Are you hoping that the test will reveal that not only is she lying about having cheated on you with other men and women, but that also all the physical proof you have is a pile of lies too? Do you think the examiner is going to come to you and say "Great news! Your wife lied! She didn't really screw around on you!"
She doesn't love you. She doesn't like you. She doesn't even respect you as much as she would a dog. If she respected you, she would at least tell you the truth and be working a lot harder to keep you. If she liked you, she wouldn't be masturbating for another man over the internet. If she loved you, she wouldn't be scissoring with her girlfriend.
You will get not a single ounce of anything good out of all the effort you put into this relationship. Everything you do is wasted. The sooner you walk away and forget about this damaged human being whom you accidentally shared your heart with, the sooner you will begin to get better in life.
I was thinking about things you can do to the POSOM which I see now is really behind so much of what she's done.
Get her to make a video clip laughing at the POSOM, belittling him, telling him she played him, and used him, and that she's so happy that she's got her "big" hubby taking care of her needs. She should focus on calling him little boy, and pathetic in the clip. If he's into being mr. tough dom guy this will hurt him.
You might also post on places like FetLife about him. It's a board for folks into that, and they take a dim view of jerks like him. Have her out him there, and it will make it hard for him to hook other stupid slaves in.
Make sure to mention all his code words back to him too, it will show to him that he's lost his edge and his secrets are out.
"Interestingly, any and all pics, vids, and/or contact info from him was missing. It turns out my Dday for the lesbian had been wargamed between her and him as part of her slave pledge."
Since everything about him has been deleted , it sounds like you're still being gamed. Iwould give a lot of thought about taking this to the police. Plus he is now harassing you.
Well, we're moving 2.5 hours away next weekend. That'll put us away from her lovers and past. I hope we get a chance to start over again and have some time to work things out. I can't sleep still and while my concentration has improved from seconds to minutes, it's not enough for work and I'm in disciplinary review. Big f'ing sigh.
My wife appears to be sincerely trying but I feel like I'm in a stage where I'm noticing but apathetic and I'm not feeling a lot of love, just pressure to fall back in love and move on. I think it's a bad thing when you see everything though a bleak and despairing lense but sincere efforts after all of this and I'm realizing I might have fallen out of love. I don't remember a "falling out of love" phase in the recovery phases you go through after an affair. NC seems intact. But I just can't bring myself to do a keylogger... it seems counterpurposed to falling in love and rebuilding trust.
I feel we've made good progress on trust. Not so much on being in love.
Tover,
How's that trust coming along at this point? It really sounds like you're still being played here - or do you think this is genuine?
A couple of questions:
1- how did you pick the place you moved to? Could it be close to the OM?
2 - does the OM know your new location? If so they've been in contact still
3- Why does she still have a cell phone where she controls the bill or the apps? I would think that she should have one that can make calls, text, and nothing else, and that you control the bill so you can see who she is calling by going on line.
4- Are you still not going VAR and keylogger?
5- have you checked your PC for keylogger from him?
Fast and furious... let me try to tackle these:
1. Is this serious? Unfortunately, yes. I'm reluctant to post their emails or videos here as it would be counter to all of our healing. But yes, yes it is serious. No games. I'm not making this stuff up. I couldn't dream this stuff up if my life depended on it.
2. Out her to in-laws. I can't. She went to them and told them all about how I was fighting with her, hurting her, monitoring her... typical FOG talk (and for the record there was no hurting or monitoring AT ALL; I am not like that). I have severed all contact with her family and as I find out others who may have enabled and supported this, I will continue to do so.
3. I am not going to be that kind of guy who do the keylogger... I don't need it. I have all the emails and proof I need for self-protection already and she has agreed that if she fails the polygraph, she will abandon the family until an abandonment-based divorce is complete.
4. The guy is in Singapore... so no real threat there. He's a low level office worker or something. I know where he is. His name. His tel#. His company. He's not an actual fetishist, just someone able to research online. However, my wife's behavior was what it was.
5. Share the love with him... LOL. Yes, I'd like that. It's so very tempting, but I don't want to be that kind of a guy. It is my choice to NOT retaliate. His harrassment follows the NC letter my wife sent him 2 days ago. His language suggests that her breaking ties with him was in point of fact, not wargamed and he is testing me to see if he got under my skin. He did not. My wife did. People like that... it'll circle back on him. I don't plan on putting a single ounce of energy into him when I finish this sentence.
6. Why am I still here? 1) I love her still. If she passes, I will open myself to reconciliation, but there was originally the issue of Lesbian/BI orientation, serial cheating, and then the actual Affair. Now we get to deal with Master/Slave fetish and drugs. Weeeeeee... I'm 100% confident there is more yet to come... don't they always save the absolute worst for last? 2) I used to be married and without kids, when that very religious woman cheated, I divorced her because she couldn't follow through on NC, sincere apology, or anything and after 6 months of IC/MC I pulled the plug and have never looked back. That divorce almost killed me and that was without kids. I know how bad divorce is and that alone is enough of an incentive for me to at least try. 3) Even though I'm disconnecting from the kids around the paternity issue, none of this is fair to them and they deserve at least one parent that loves them... I can't stop disconnecting from them if I'm gone and sick as it was, an online affair isn't going to sway a divorce court around the custody issue... 4) I guess I'm choosing to try and help my wife salvage herself before I make any grand decisions about whether I divorce or stay. There is another option I'm thinking about too but we don't talk about that on this forum.
7. Wedding ring and other things... have been locked in a vault and will be remade into pendants and earrings and given to the kids when I die or when they graduate high school... whichever comes first. I'm never giving her a ring... if she feels she wants one she can go buy one. I'm not wearing mine since this second DDay and even if we R, I don't think I'll ever put it back on. We also threw away about $4,000 worth of stuff that was so prominently featured in her sex videos that I can't stand to even think of them and besides now being triggers... they actually are either making me vomit or triggering seizures.
Thanks everyone. I get 6 questions on the polygraph. Want to help?
If you are going to try and make it work for your kids sake and because youlove her , more power to you. Good luck and I hope all your hardwork pays off for your family.
IC for you both, to fix/heal her and to heal yourself and MC obviously. There are several, highly recommended, books explaining how relationships fall apart and how to pull them back together.
Good luck. If this is what you want ,jump in with both feet and disregard the flames I expect you"re about to get.
2. Out her to in-laws. I can't. She went to them and told them all about how I was fighting with her, hurting her, monitoring her... typical FOG talk (and for the record there was no hurting or monitoring AT ALL; I am not like that). I have severed all contact with her family and as I find out others who may have enabled and supported this, I will continue to do so.
Do the inlaws know about the affair? Did she gaslight them? If so, I think you are in a position to get her to make this right. Probably not a good idea to come clean about the whole Master/Slave thing - in fact the less detail the better. But she should acknowledge to her family that she had sexual relations outside marriage.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tover26
Thanks everyone. I get 6 questions on the polygraph. Want to help?
90Likes
Re: Lesbian/Bi/Serial... oh my 
o
