As someone with power issues myself (which the OM obviously has.. big time) and coming from a family who all have this issue, I have two suggestions in relation to his vile emails that will both infuriate him to no end AND stop him responding to you.
1. Something that they really hate is if you say a short sentence that has connotations attached to it, but isn't actually saying anything wrong. But the connotations imply that they are a weak, pathetic person. THAT is the bit that will drive them mad - power issue people are extremely sensitive on that front. Their mind will go crazy trying to work out exactly what it is you are saying, but they know it has something to do with being weak. The only thing I can come up with right now, is "I win. You lose, little man. " And make sure to put the smiley face on the end because it has a very good slap-in-the-face effect, and also implies that their behaviour does not affect you, and they REALLY hate that. I would advise that after you do this, block him because he will likely go off his head and send you dozens of emails trying to challenge you, so its best to just cut him off right from the word go. The silence will kill him.
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2. Don't reply whatsoever. Just block the guy. Another thing these types of people just CAN'T STAND is when their behaviour does not even affect you at all. They write all these elaborate emails trying to "put you in your place" and when you don't "bite", it drives them up the wall. I'm not sure why this is but I have seen it in action in my family many a time.
I'm thinking morally number 2 would be better (and certainly easier) and I'm sure it's the best way to go. But if you are like me and would like to put the boot in before you ignore him, I would say go number 1. And definitely don't read anymore of the crap he sends you! He wants to get under your skin - don't let him.
On the one hand, you're all for investigating, but it's time to stop? I think I'm addicted to it right now... in some ways it's the only thing that is keeping me going. That, and the kids, who deserve so much better. As much as I'd love to walk away, for all the reasons cited, I can't until the kids are as safe as I can get them.
Yes, it's time to stop. You have more than enough evidence already. You say your kids safety is your number 1 priority? Then get a temporary child custody order already. With all the evidence you have of what she has done, the emails from OM, her drug relapse, you can get full custody.
Get your kids away from this toxic environment and toxic mother.
Hellooo Nurse... animaniacs? My kids love that cartoon.
The show last night was interesting. My wife felt it was the right thing to call and give people a head's up that her lover might send them disturbing videos and content. Of course this required her to tell people she had had an affair.
- Her brother was protective and got angry that anyone would threaten her. Completely missed the affair issue.
- Her father, who had enabled it, did a 180 spin from how monstrous I was to how awesome I am (weeee... his validation is so important to me) and how awesome her lover was to how monstrous he now is. What a ****.
- Her mom who knew nothing at all, asked if she was okay but seemed either in shock or disconnected from what my wife was saying.
- My mom, to whom my wife had told "I made some bad decisions"... you could hear my mom's heart being ripped out of her chest at the implications of how this guy would have her home address, her email address, and even know who she is. She started crying and through it asked if the kids were okay.
It is toxic. But, I can't get a temp child custody order without arming up for a divorce and I'm not there yet. It would only make everything worse right now. It sucks for me. But I'm here for the kids, not me. I don't matter at all in any of this, only they do and they finally have their feet under them and are making friends and doing well at their new school. I can't. take. that. away. from. them. at. Christmas. So I'm going to pretend all is well and bide my time.
The harrassing emails are pathetic. Thank you. I don't plan on responding at all. And if he should somehow show up, I'll respond then.
So, after all this time, today is Day 10 off DDay #2, we learned that she did in fact write quite obsence stories. I mean, for a sex story they're well-written and almost exactly what you would expect. The obscene part is that I know her and to read what she wrote about herself, how she wanted him to treat her, etc... that is what makes it obscene.
He created a fake yahoo account that looks like her actual yahoo email account and emailed the story to my wife's step-mother... yeah the one who gave my wife advice about how to make love to a lesbian effectively. I'm thinking that he must have missed that point or he might have picked my mom instead. I keep thinking that I've got all the digital traces of her raunchy pictures and videos cleaned off our computers and phones when I find some new cache somewhere. I really don't want the kids to see them.
After his threats to send a video of her masturbating during her cycle to her entire family, the fact that he sent a story suggests to me that either he can't figure out how to send large video files via email, or that he might not actually have the videos anymore.
I'm still having multiple seizures a day and it's hard. I flip between cold apathy and burning indifference... if that makes any sense. All I know right now is that I'd be better off alone, but the kids most certainly will not be better off alone with her. Since I can't take them, I'm still here and doing my best to regulate myself and avoid active discussion. 180 is still in effect and after the drama of the email yesterday - she thinks that was a warning to show her what he can do and to prove that he has all of this stuff still - we had an active discussion until I realized that I was doing all the talking and I just stopped. We sat there in silence for what felt like forever before she asked me what I thought she should do. While many inappropriate answers came to mind, I just reflected back to her and said, "What do you think you should do?"
She called her stepmother, who assured her that she hadn't read the email... yeah right... and without missing a beat wished my wife a Merry Christmas and hung up. It's making my wife feel very very alone. My mom is still reeling from the news that my wife had any kind of an affair and that some psychopath "out there" has her home address and email address. It's a bit of a mystery to me.
Today I'll be meeting with my bishop and providing evidence for a formal church action against my wife for her conduct. I'm 99% sure that she'll be excommunicated and that will lead to a whole new series of issues, where we just moved and no one knows us y'know? I hope that doesn't affect the kids and their ability to be part of the church family. Big sigh. It's not like I can take them to birthday parties and church gatherings as often as my wife and I together could... it'll suck if people figure it all out (the church leadership won't announce it but people will figure it out) and stop inviting our family because they don't want my wife around. I don't blame them, but it's not fair to the kids.
I have a group of contractors coming Tuesday to install a 15' trampoline that we'll get set up and then hide it. Christmas Eve, I'm going to roll it out and have it 100% ready to bounce. It should be the best Christmas ever and I doubt the cold will stop the kids from bouncing their little hearts out. I'm actually looking forward to jumping just as a way of getting away.
Yes, my computers are clean. Wife gave her account info to her lover though so he could help her clean up any traces I might find of their affair. That's taken care of now.
More emails and threats from this guy. Last was to my wife who abided by NC and immediately called me in hysterics. It was bad. Allusions to what a coward I am, blah blah blah, and also that he's going to make her into the internet porn star she always wanted to be. He also calls her out on things like, "How did you not know? What? Did you think we were going to be together after your divorce and then after a period of sexual experimentation, we'd both settle down, get married and grow old together?" He mocks her quite extensively too.
She had her MC read it. I'm still not going with her because we had an agreement that I would when I was sure there weren't other things lurking in her closet. The polygraph was supposed to resolve that and it didn't. Her MC blasted the guy for being a sick power freak and then blasted me for reading it. Unlike him and my wife, I actually do care. I don't want my name getting entangled in this at all. I never aspired to be married to an amateur porn star and she provided him HOURS of videos and 1000s of pictures in most genres and fetishes imaginable. His email claims that he has emails and even a video of her saying that being on the internet is exactly what she wants. He also offered to buy her a ticket to Singapore to come visit him as the only way he won't send out more stories, videos, and pictures.
It's a lot to process but I take comfort from the fact that he has yet to send out any videos or pictures to anyone in her email account, which includes the entire family, friends, church leaders, and her and my company's manager information. Yay! That'll be a fun one to tackle should it happen... "Um Mrs. Boss, that email from me about my wife... it's not actually from me. It's from a jerk in Singapore who is blackmailing my wife."
Trying to stay focussed and positive, but damn it is hard. I keep thinking of things I want clarity on and then realize that it is in fact as sick and twisted and unknowable as it has always been and the answer isn't really going to do anything now is it?
The 180 thing is only working when I'm not focussed on the As. When I am alone with her, and we're talking about the balckmail or whatever, it's impossible to be happy and move on with my life. Right now I'm supposed to be working. I had a brief lull where I actually got ahead of the curve, but am already falling behind. I just want to curl and fall into oblivion these days. With the kids around or when something is going on that is not personal to our family, I'm able to let go and appear to be moving on. But in reality I'm stuck. Mind movies, self-torture, it's all bad. I wouldn't fall in love with myself right now.
I wonder if it is possible to file an internet harassment charge with the police. File one anyways -- I bet the police database is connected with Customs (sharing info).
Also report him to the TSA so he'll have trouble getting into the country (I assume it's USA).
Singapore is very rigid and strict in their sexuality. The fact that he has pornographic materials might send him jail(I think, not sure). You can add blackmail to the list of charges. You can track him by his ip-address. Tell him that if he takes you down, you might as well as take him down with you. If he does not tone it down, you might well as take it to the authorities.
Singapore is very rigid and strict in their sexuality. The fact that he has pornographic materials might send him jail(I think, not sure). You can add blackmail to the list of charges. You can track him by his ip-address. Tell him that if he takes you down, you might as well as take him down with you. If he does not tone it down, you might well as take it to the authorities.
I think her have to face his harassment and her having to know you are seeing all this stuff will in the end be therapeutic. It's creating a ceae consequence that she is having to live through,
The MC is 100% wrong about there being any thing wrong with you seeing these mails etc. You have the right to see it all, and while it hurts I think it will in the end help you when you eventually see the end of the storm. You will know you faced these horrible challenges and survived, and survived by dealing with them not hiding away and ignoring them.
This MC seems to be a rug sweeper?
Now about your wife. What you haven't said much about was why she did this stuff? It sounds pretty extreme. Why did she put so much effort into it? Does she put that much effort into you and saving the marriage? Is she into being humiliated and dominated? Posted via Mobile Device
Also he is eating and surviving on your fear of expose. She has been outed to the family. What else does she have to lose now? She lost it anyway. You can tell him that everyone knows and you don't care n. He might well well as sell them to make some money
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Re: Lesbian/Bi/Serial... oh my 
" And make sure to put the smiley face on the end because it has a very good slap-in-the-face effect, and also implies that their behaviour does not affect you, and they REALLY hate that. I would advise that after you do this, block him because he will likely go off his head and send you dozens of emails trying to challenge you, so its best to just cut him off right from the word go. The silence will kill him.
o
