I'm still working the budget for DW. Thinking now to take the camper and stay in their campground. 16-18 hr drive both ways...but saves about $1,200. Not crazy about the long drive, but it DOES save money!
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Do you know your wife's opinion on this?
I don't know how the dynamic works when the two of you make plans. It's possible some assumptions I make could be way off. If so I apologize. Just thinking back to some older posts. For example
Okay...I found that my wife was apparently writing notes for some sort of reply to me. Here's what she wrote:
* "Learned early that disagreements were met w/ nastiness."
* "Had no interest in sitting in smoke-filled karoke bar, but you didn't care..and just got nasty about it."
* "Didn't like sailing because she was tired of my tone, and didn't like all the money being spent on the boat."
The pattern so far - You take her to go some place she doesn't want to go, or do something she doesn't want to do. She is reluctant to bring up disagreements because she would only encounter 'nastiness'. And so she does not properly convey this to you, but instead carries the resentments for years.
Also thought of something from MC:
1) Although she initially liked that I was a "take charge" kind of person, she feels I have completely taken over...and she feels more like an employee.
Taking the lead is important, it's part of the package she fell in love with. But I don't think any of your marriage problems have stemmed from inability in that area. Your problems are more from what happens when "take charge" is not coupled with consideration and communication. You have been making an effort to be more empathetic, which is good, though I suspect still a work in progress.
Perhaps another step for major decisions may be to actively seek her opinions out. By all means take the lead, but give her space to be as much a part of the process as you are. If she so wishes. Show that it's safe to speak what's on her mind, even if the two of you disagree. Make her feel like she is a partner with opinions that matter, not an employee.
There's only so much you can do about the past, but you can demonstrate history doesn't have to repeat itself. The Disney trip could be an opportunity to showcase this. If she feels she also has equal ownership for the Disney (and other) plans, she may be less likely to resent you for them.
There is an added side benefit. People do have a point that the more you talk about separation, the more she might gravitate toward it. The opposite is also true. The more engaged she is in Disney and plans for the future, the further separation will be from her mind.