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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 03-16-2012, 10:04 AM   #1516 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by gpa View Post
Ok y can see it the other way. For the same trip i need 15000euros
I think my daughter has to wait for a lot of years
And more over we r still in a devastated financially country
I feel for you, gpa. I know things can't be good in Greece, right now. It may take a whole generation to iron that out. And, by that time, USA might be in the same boat (if not sooner). blaaahhh!!
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Old 03-18-2012, 03:18 AM   #1517 (permalink)
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I'm still working the budget for DW. Thinking now to take the camper and stay in their campground. 16-18 hr drive both ways...but saves about $1,200. Not crazy about the long drive, but it DOES save money!
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Do you know your wife's opinion on this?

I don't know how the dynamic works when the two of you make plans. It's possible some assumptions I make could be way off. If so I apologize. Just thinking back to some older posts. For example:

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Originally Posted by DailyGrind View Post
UPDATE:

Okay...I found that my wife was apparently writing notes for some sort of reply to me. Here's what she wrote:

...

* "Learned early that disagreements were met w/ nastiness."

...


* "Had no interest in sitting in smoke-filled karoke bar, but you didn't care..and just got nasty about it."

...

* "Didn't like sailing because she was tired of my tone, and didn't like all the money being spent on the boat."
The pattern so far - You take her to go some place she doesn't want to go, or do something she doesn't want to do. She is reluctant to bring up disagreements because she would only encounter 'nastiness'. And so she does not properly convey this to you, but instead carries the resentments for years.

Also thought of something from MC:

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1) Although she initially liked that I was a "take charge" kind of person, she feels I have completely taken over...and she feels more like an employee.

Taking the lead is important, it's part of the package she fell in love with. But I don't think any of your marriage problems have stemmed from inability in that area. Your problems are more from what happens when "take charge" is not coupled with consideration and communication. You have been making an effort to be more empathetic, which is good, though I suspect still a work in progress.

Perhaps another step for major decisions may be to actively seek her opinions out. By all means take the lead, but give her space to be as much a part of the process as you are. If she so wishes. Show that it's safe to speak what's on her mind, even if the two of you disagree. Make her feel like she is a partner with opinions that matter, not an employee.

There's only so much you can do about the past, but you can demonstrate history doesn't have to repeat itself. The Disney trip could be an opportunity to showcase this. If she feels she also has equal ownership for the Disney (and other) plans, she may be less likely to resent you for them.

There is an added side benefit. People do have a point that the more you talk about separation, the more she might gravitate toward it. The opposite is also true. The more engaged she is in Disney and plans for the future, the further separation will be from her mind.

Last edited by dymo; 03-18-2012 at 03:32 AM.
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Old 03-18-2012, 06:18 AM   #1518 (permalink)
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I was thinking the same thing.

Should strong assertive DG make the decision ow to stay in DW?

Or

Should caring sensitive DG ask Mrs. DG how she wants to stay in DW?

My two cents, I would not want o be cooped up at night in a camper with the kids and the wife.

I would spend the extra $$$ and let my wife know why we are staying in DW in a king size bed. Much better for the back massages......
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Old 03-18-2012, 09:10 AM   #1519 (permalink)
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I was thinking the same thing.

Should strong assertive DG make the decision ow to stay in DW?

Or

Should caring sensitive DG ask Mrs. DG how she wants to stay in DW?

My two cents, I would not want o be cooped up at night in a camper with the kids and the wife.

I would spend the extra $$$ and let my wife know why we are staying in DW in a king size bed. Much better for the back massages......
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Spending all day at DW and coming home to a camper sounds like torture to me. Will she be expected to do the cooking too?
Is there any place for romance in a camper?

One option might be to stay a little further away in a suite.

How much input does your wife have in all this? We're going to Fla in May and I have no input or interest in what arrangements my wife and daughter have made. My son and I just want to get to the beach. LOL

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Old 03-18-2012, 09:45 AM   #1520 (permalink)
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When we went to Disney we stayed at a place in Orlando but not extremely close. It was right off the highway located midway between Disney and Universal Orlando. BTW, don't neglect to go to Universal Orlando. It was almost as good as Disney! The place was a golf resort near the convention center. Don't laugh. If a place is catering to high level business executives they have to pull out all the stops. It was very nice and because it was a golf resort there was a lot of land around the hotel. Less traffic and more quiet. It was also nice to be able to walk around at night since nobody was on the golf course then. When my wife wakes up I'll ask her what the name of the place was.
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Old 03-18-2012, 09:49 AM   #1521 (permalink)
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Spending all day at DW and coming home to a camper sounds like torture to me. Will she be expected to do the cooking too?
Is there any place for romance in a camper?

One option might be to stay a little further away in a suite.

How much input does your wife have in all this? We're going to Fla in May and I have no input or interest in what arrangements my wife and daughter have made. My son and I just want to get to the beach. LOL

If you're going to stay in Daytona, stay at the Hilton. I know its a little more expensive but its so worth it. We've stayed at other hotels in Daytona and they were dives in comparison.
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Old 03-18-2012, 10:23 AM   #1522 (permalink)
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If you're going to stay in Daytona, stay at the Hilton. I know its a little more expensive but its so worth it. We've stayed at other hotels in Daytona and they were dives in comparison.
No, we're going to Destin, taking a small dog and staying in a condo. We can get to Destin in a day's driving which is the way I like to go.
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Old 03-18-2012, 10:34 AM   #1523 (permalink)
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No, we're going to Destin, taking a small dog and staying in a condo. We can get to Destin in a day's driving which is the way I like to go.
That's up by Tallahassee right? Never been to that part of Florida before. We always end up in central Florida. My wife loves Disney and Universal. Even now that the kids are grown. I love to watch her eyes light up when we go. She acts like a three year old little girl. I love it. And I don't have to change diapers.
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Old 03-18-2012, 10:39 AM   #1524 (permalink)
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When we went to Disney we stayed at a place in Orlando but not extremely close. It was right off the highway located midway between Disney and Universal Orlando. BTW, don't neglect to go to Universal Orlando. It was almost as good as Disney! The place was a golf resort near the convention center. Don't laugh. If a place is catering to high level business executives they have to pull out all the stops. It was very nice and because it was a golf resort there was a lot of land around the hotel. Less traffic and more quiet. It was also nice to be able to walk around at night since nobody was on the golf course then. When my wife wakes up I'll ask her what the name of the place was.
It's called Shingle Creek Resort. Here's the link.

Orlando Meeting Hotel | Orlando Convention Hotel | Orlando Golf Hotel | Vacation Hotel Orlando Florida

When Beowulf told me we were going to stay at a golf resort I was not convinced. I even said "you don't even play golf!" But he was right. It was very nice. And right near everything.
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Old 03-18-2012, 10:40 AM   #1525 (permalink)
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That's up by Tallahassee right? Never been to that part of Florida before. We always end up in central Florida. My wife loves Disney and Universal. Even now that the kids are grown. I love to watch her eyes light up when we go. She acts like a three year old little girl. I love it. And I don't have to change diapers.
I do NOT act like a three year old. A five year old maybe but not a three year old.

And the diaper thing...TMI
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Old 03-18-2012, 10:41 AM   #1526 (permalink)
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That's up by Tallahassee right? Never been to that part of Florida before. We always end up in central Florida. My wife loves Disney and Universal. Even now that the kids are grown. I love to watch her eyes light up when we go. She acts like a three year old little girl. I love it. And I don't have to change diapers.
Destin is great. Totally white beach sand. We've only been once so far. We love southern FLA, both sides and the keys best but it adds to much driving time right now. Can't wait.
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Old 03-18-2012, 10:44 AM   #1527 (permalink)
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Destin huh? Sounds interesting. Maybe our destiny is to visit Destin.

Sorry, you know I had to.
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Old 03-18-2012, 10:47 AM   #1528 (permalink)
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I do NOT act like a three year old. A five year old maybe but not a three year old.

And the diaper thing...TMI
TMI huh? LOL
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Old 03-18-2012, 04:30 PM   #1529 (permalink)
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Spending all day at DW and coming home to a camper sounds like torture to me. Will she be expected to do the cooking too?
Is there any place for romance in a camper?

One option might be to stay a little further away in a suite.

How much input does your wife have in all this? We're going to Fla in May and I have no input or interest in what arrangements my wife and daughter have made. My son and I just want to get to the beach. LOL

Well...guys....a couple things. First...the camper is 22 ft. long, with its own kitchen, and bathroom/shower....and separate sleeping compartments for the kids and parents (opposite sides of the camper)....plus...has air conditioning. Second....when we go camping....yours truly does pretty much ALL the cooking, dish cleaning.....and camping maintenance. So...it is usually very little work for W. Lastly, since the DW campground is inside the park....we can take advantage of all the DW amenities....characters on the grounds, nice swimming pool, transportation (water taxi straight across the lake to the amusement park), child care....and meal plan. We would probably use the meal plan, so that very little camping needed to be done. Plus...they have kids activities (bbq's, marshmellow roasts, structured events). It really isn't like camping, afterall. AND...it saves about $1,200.

As far as decisions....I've always felt that I offer W options, and we together make joint decisions. I don't ever TELL her how things are going to be. Hope that clarifies.
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Old 03-18-2012, 06:28 PM   #1530 (permalink)
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Well...guys....a couple things. First...the camper is 22 ft. long, with its own kitchen, and bathroom/shower....and separate sleeping compartments for the kids and parents (opposite sides of the camper)....plus...has air conditioning. Second....when we go camping....yours truly does pretty much ALL the cooking, dish cleaning.....and camping maintenance. So...it is usually very little work for W. Lastly, since the DW campground is inside the park....we can take advantage of all the DW amenities....characters on the grounds, nice swimming pool, transportation (water taxi straight across the lake to the amusement park), child care....and meal plan. We would probably use the meal plan, so that very little camping needed to be done. Plus...they have kids activities (bbq's, marshmellow roasts, structured events). It really isn't like camping, afterall. AND...it saves about $1,200.

As far as decisions....I've always felt that I offer W options, and we together make joint decisions. I don't ever TELL her how things are going to be. Hope that clarifies.
I've heard of the DW campgrounds. They sound like fun if you like that sort of thing. My wife's idea of roughing it is no room service so you can imagine how camping would go over with her. lol
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