Pretty Much Have Lost It

DailyGrind · 12-16-2011, 05:30 AM

Huh? No....that's notwhatI was saying. Definitely, she sees HERSELF as the babysitter in our relationship....with me working so much. I didn't want to have HER be the babysitter while I went to the party.
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chapparal · 12-16-2011, 07:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DailyGrind

Huh? No....that's notwhatI was saying. Definitely, she sees HERSELF as the babysitter in our relationship....with me working so much. I didn't want to have HER be the babysitter while I went to the party.
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Not sure but it looks like your over thinking things trying to fix everything. 180 doesn't mean you don't communicate. It gives you a different approach. Ask her if she wants to go to the office party. If she does great, if not fine. If she doesn't, ask her if she will be home to keep the kids or if you all will have to find a babysitter. Just don't make a big deal out of it either way. Short and sweet. Then go about your business.

DailyGrind · 12-16-2011, 08:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chapparal

Try to be calm and be cool. See about some meds.

What kind of meds? Would I go to my regular doctor for that?

Quote:

Originally Posted by chapparal

You seem to be wound up tighter than a drum and she seems to just be watching you come apart.

Completely.....sucks...cause I am a controller for a large company. This is SO not like me (in regular life). Sadly....JUST like me, when it comes to relationships falling apart. I've had three long-term relationships, in my life. ALL three have put me through this. Time to go to I/C, to find out what THAT's all about. Any wonder I have trust issues?

Quote:

Originally Posted by chapparal

Doesn't sound very attractive does it?

Nope.

DailyGrind · 12-16-2011, 03:32 PM

I had sent an email to my wife this morning about Christmas stuff. I also wrote this:

'I also assumed the Christmas Party is off, for tomorrow night.'

She just responded with:

"I would go but not if you’ve been talking to people at work about me."

Am I reading too much into this? Is she reaching out? Any advice on response?

sigma1299 · 12-16-2011, 03:38 PM

I say tell her the truth. Either yes I have, or no I have not - are you going with me? If she says no say "have a nice evening" and leave it at that. Then go somewhere - anywhere - preferably to the party but go somewhere so she knows you left for the evening.

Eli-Zor · 12-16-2011, 03:38 PM

Your analysing to much , she should have said she wants to go and show everyone she wants to remain your wife. Instead she is hiding away .
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JustaJerk · 12-16-2011, 03:43 PM

Its almost as if she's receding into a dark corner. There is no communication on her part to ease your suspicions whatsoever... like she's content with being in limbo, as far as the marriage is concerned.

DailyGrind · 12-16-2011, 03:59 PM

Considering we were talking divorce just two days ago....maybe this is all she has to offer right now?
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chapparal · 12-16-2011, 04:54 PM

She's afraid of the way people will treat her at the party. I think its great that she will go. I get the feeling that your actions(desperation) is like beating her away from the marriage with a stick.

For example, not sleeping with her for two years. Every woman would interpret this as a complete and total rejection of the mariage while you are simply looking at it as a smple solution to a minor problem.

If I were you I would plainly tell her you hope to continue MC but that you had decided to go to IC in any event. You might ask her if your counselor could talk to her if he wanted to. Tell her the truth. You simply can't figure out what is going on, she/ your family is the most important thing in the world, and you need outside help.

I really think if the situation was hopeless she would have already been gone.

Shaggy · 12-16-2011, 05:12 PM

If you have been talking to people at work, then skip the party with her, but if not then bring her , don't say a word about anything and have a night out.

Also do not be talking about family stuff at work, unprofessional.
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Dadof3 · 12-16-2011, 05:14 PM

Yea - what Shaggy says.

DailyGrind · 12-16-2011, 05:45 PM

I have one good friend there that I always talk to. Also, my admin knows. BUT admin won't be there. My friend will, but...I think I've given him the good/bad/ugly from both sides. He supports me, but sees boh sides.
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chapparal · 12-16-2011, 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DailyGrind

I have one good friend there that I always talk to. Also, my admin knows. BUT admin won't be there. My friend will, but...I think I've given him the good/bad/ugly from both sides. He supports me, but sees boh sides.
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Then take her and have a good time. Leave problems alone.

DailyGrind · 12-17-2011, 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iwant2bhappy

DG...
There are only a few times I have posted on this forum and only a few threads I have followed, and yours happens to be one of them.

I feel for you and hope things work out. I was in the same state of mind as your wife at one time. Though you are not sure she cheated, I can say I didn't. I did lose that connection with my H and resented him. I acted a lot like your wife...disconnected. I always thought about what it would be like to be with another man though. I hope someday she will wake up as I did and make that reconnection with you.

Just curious...what was decided about the party? Is she going?

Take Care!
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Thanks so much for the input, IW2BH. I told my W last night that I had told my friend pretty much everything, including my own embarassing aspects. He is a good friend, and supports me...but I don't really think he is judging either of us. Anyway....I left her to decide on her own if she wanted to go to the party. This morning she decided she would. Unfortunately, we waited too last minute...and couldn't find a sitter for the kids. So....we can't go.

I'm not sure what to think, though....she was a lot more friendly this morning. I'm in my 180 mode....but frankly....that isn't much different than it's been for the past two years, when she was cold to me.....so I don't think that is the reason. I'll see what happens through the rest of the weekend. She isn't loving...but is more friendly.

Out of curiousity, though....what made you shift gears? And what made you lose your connection? Did he do anything that made you come back? Did he make changes for you?

Thanks!!

DailyGrind · 12-17-2011, 04:18 PM

Well...just saw some texts between W and a friend of hers, who thought she might have someone to sit for us. Wife responded "I didn't really want to go anyway tonight. Thanks..but we weren't even going to go, but then [Me] seemed like he wanted to go. I didn't really."

So...looks like it wasn't really an opening afterall. Still not sure why she would have even considered it, ony two days after divorce was laid out on the table. Why are women so confusing??!!