All in all this sounds very good to me. Sure, the train is going along fine and all of a sudden there is a giant train wreck.
Stay positive and work on your marriage. One persons take on something doesn't mean its right or wrong but its what they think.
Take thinks as they are, it will be evident sooner or later if you need to bail. You seem impatient and down. workout and concentrate on the good and ignore the bad and your suspicions for now.
I know you are worried about another phone. Can't explain that but it looks like you would have found another phone if there was one. I keep think there might have been a reason it did not show up on call logs. Maybe you should reseach that a bit.
I think it is major she went. Accept that your wife is way more complicated than you thought and just do the best you can. You can always pull the plug but now your job is tomake your family whole if you can.
Actually, I can sympathize. My wife frequently takes things I say wrong . This leads to trouble when I don't catch it immediately. If I don't catch it, by the time it comes back around I have no idea what she's talking about.
Another com problem is when I ask her a question, many times she has to try and figure out what she thinks I am really asking? It can get pretty confusing. She will answer something and I'm like, What did you think I just asked you? Your answer doesn't have anything to do with what I just asked. LOL
Ok, so you give up the porn, which in my opinion doesn't sound all that bad. I'll be honest, my H. looks at porn a few times a week, it doesn't bother me at all NOW, but when we were in our 20's it used to piss me off, I'd get mad and say "is that what you want? some big tit chick". lol. But I'm laid back about now, and as long as it's in moderation and not affecting our relationship who really cares. Every now and then we'll watch some together, but that's a whole other story.
Ok, back to my point, you give up the porn, you stop being "rude" to her, start giving her cat some nice hugs, pick up the cat barf, and then what?
Look, obviously it takes two to work on the marriage, what is she really doing? she's telling you "I don't know" blah blah blah.
I hope the counseling works out for you, and really address the lack of intimacy, someone posted once that it's the last thing to go in a marriage before the end is near.
Ok, so you give up the porn, which in my opinion doesn't sound all that bad. I'll be honest, my H. looks at porn a few times a week, it doesn't bother me at all NOW, but when we were in our 20's it used to piss me off, I'd get mad and say "is that what you want? some big tit chick". lol. But I'm laid back about now, and as long as it's in moderation and not affecting our relationship who really cares. Every now and then we'll watch some together, but that's a whole other story.
Ok, back to my point, you give up the porn, you stop being "rude" to her, start giving her cat some nice hugs, pick up the cat barf, and then what?
Look, obviously it takes two to work on the marriage, what is she really doing? she's telling you "I don't know" blah blah blah.
I hope the counseling works out for you, and really address the lack of intimacy, someone posted once that it's the last thing to go in a marriage before the end is near.
Couldn't have said it better myself, especially coming from a former wayward!
Working_together completed my thought in regards to the porn. I suggested this as a process of excuse elimination - but as it turns out - isn't really the source or root cause for the lack of intimacy - or is it? Hence - why not eliminate it as a potential cause.
If she has some body issues (that the porn use flares up)- she may not realize it and it could be a cause - not the only one - but a cause nonetheless!
Ok, so you give up the porn, which in my opinion doesn't sound all that bad. I'll be honest, my H. looks at porn a few times a week, it doesn't bother me at all NOW, but when we were in our 20's it used to piss me off, I'd get mad and say "is that what you want? some big tit chick". lol. But I'm laid back about now, and as long as it's in moderation and not affecting our relationship who really cares. Every now and then we'll watch some together, but that's a whole other story.
Ok, back to my point, you give up the porn, you stop being "rude" to her, start giving her cat some nice hugs, pick up the cat barf, and then what?
Look, obviously it takes two to work on the marriage, what is she really doing? she's telling you "I don't know" blah blah blah.
I hope the counseling works out for you, and really address the lack of intimacy, someone posted once that it's the last thing to go in a marriage before the end is near.
Yeah...I actually did clean up some cat barf, this weekend. After she left it there for the entire day (right at the bottom of our main stairs.) As for intimacy..it seems it was the FIRST thing to go. You may recall...we never even had sex on our two week honeymoon...to St. Lucia. I must have been "rude" to her, sometime in the prior three months (she REALLY does seem to hold on to things for a long time.)
I am starting IC in two weeks. Ultimately, I think she needs to as well. I'm hoping the MC can identify some things that might lead to that.
As to the porn....funny thing that. I never was into the "super model" type thing. I much prefered normal amateur stuff. When she first brought it up, I told her that (thinking it would allay her fears that I was holding her up to super body standards.) Instead...she said "that's worse!!" Seems it was more like I was looking for someone to replace her, if it wasn't some sort of impossible, fantasy woman. {sigh...can't win, for losing.}
As for intimacy..it seems it was the FIRST thing to go. You may recall...we never even had sex on our two week honeymoon...to St. Lucia. I must have been "rude" to her, sometime in the prior three months (she REALLY does seem to hold on to things for a long time.)
Big red flag to even stay in the marriage - no honeymoon sex. I don't ever remember reading this part. To me, it would have been an annulled marriage if this happened this short into the marriage (shows a personality disorder).
It might be a bit late for me to say that this is a REALLY BAD WAY to start a marriage!
Big red flag to even stay in the marriage - no honeymoon sex. I don't ever remember reading this part. To me, it would have been an annulled marriage if this happened this short into the marriage (shows a personality disorder).
Yeah...well...we were up all night before our flight..didn't get there until early evening. She "never recovered" until the last night...when she got too drunk. THEN...we left St. Lucia for a week long Windjammer cruise around the S. Virgin Islands. Of course....she was always too sea sick. Just my luck. First couple years of our marriage...I used to joke with her that the engagement ring must have been made of cryptonite....cause it sapped all her sex powers out of her. I never realized, then...how really serious it was.
I think your W needs some serious sex therapy on top of MC / IC. I hope she wasn't sexually abused when younger. This, my friend, maybe at the heart of all of your marital issues that are on her side. You still have your own, keep in mind.
It's funny how people keep reverting to the cat incident.
That's because I have 4 cats....I love those critters to death. Problem is my new guinea pigs don't love them one bit, we heard a big crash in the middle of the night last week, the cats knocked the cage down from a very high cabnet.....luckily they survived. lol
I'm pretty sure I'll be the crazy old lady down the street with all these homeless cats.....lol
I think your W needs some serious sex therapy on top of MC / IC. I hope she wasn't sexually abused when younger. This, my friend, maybe at the heart of all of your marital issues that are on her side. You still have your own, keep in mind.
I've asked her....she swears none. And THAT would really piss me off, if that was a lie....seeing as how she knows about my own abuse from MY childhood.
First couple years of our marriage...I used to joke with her that the engagement ring must have been made of cryptonite....cause it sapped all her sex powers out of her. I never realized, then...how really serious it was.
And - someone with some body / sex issues will certainly hold a grudge when it was joked about.
WOW! And you had no idea. I feel bad for both of you. Not your fault as you didn't know.
I'll bet you she is ashamed / not proud of the honeymoon as she may compare herself to other women or society's expectations of what couples do on honeymoons.
That right there maybe a BIG find - couple that with the Porn / Strip Club stuff and you are not going to have intimacy for the rest of your life, while married, unless she gets help.
I think your W needs some serious sex therapy on top of MC / IC. I hope she wasn't sexually abused when younger. This, my friend, maybe at the heart of all of your marital issues that are on her side. You still have your own, keep in mind.
Yeah, I'm wondering if sex therapy would be a better idea. I'm thinking that sounded like an awesome honeymoon, just the two of you, would have been the perfect opprotunity to you know.....
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Re: Pretty Much Have Lost It 
