DG: I told you awhile ago what you needed to do to try to get her to fall back in love with you. But, you and some of the other followers of this thread thought I was crazy.
Iwant....I beg to differ. You told me a couple times how you were against the spying. And I did take your advice. Okay...I relapsed a bit last night. But...I've gone back through all your posts. I don't see you really giving me much, by way of advice, on what I SHOULD do....to get her to fall back in love with me.
I welcome your advice (and all others that I've been getting, as well). But....I don't see this type of advice (nor anyone calling you crazy...least of all me.)
I think the two of you should seek an infidelity specialist..one who deals with issues like that and one who can open her up to why she's doing what she's doing.
In my opinion, although it sounds harsh, I would ask her to start looking for a place of her own until the two of you can work through this without the other guy in the picture.
There is no reason that you should have to sleep on the couch. You pay the bills there and there is no reason why you shouldn't be able to sleep in your own bed.
She's obviously made it clear that she still has intentions of keeping contact with the other guy..and why you put up with it...I know I wouldn't.
Give it some time with several visits to the counselor and see how it goes. If it doesn't get better...seek legal separation for a bit and see how it goes from there. There is just no reason for you to be a good husband/good father/ good family supporter while she walks all over you!!
If she wants this other guy so bad..let her go...you will find better!!
The thing is that his wife is non-responsive to anything Daily does. There is no clarity in terms of what she really wants. Daily is constantly playing a guessing game with her. Why doesn't she just come out and tell him what she truely wants, instead of just p*ssyfooting around and being ambiguous all the time
the thing is that his wife is non-responsive to anything daily does. There is no clarity in terms of what she realy wants. Daily is consatantly playing a guessing game with her. Why doesn't she just come out and tell him what she truely wants, instead of just p*ssyfooting around and being ambiguous all the time
I deleted my posts because there were so many "Haters" on here. LOL However, some of them were really mean towards me. I posted on your thread and another one and WOW, they were brutal.
I got thick skin and decided to come back.
I think I remember your thread, you were in an EA, correct?
I deleted my posts because there were so many "Haters" on here. LOL However, some of them were really mean towards me. I posted on your thread and another one and WOW, they were brutal.
I got thick skin and decided to come back.
To make a long story short...I explained I have been married almost 20 years. Married young at age 19 because of an unexpected pregnancy. Resented my husband most of the 19 years, don't think I was ever really "In Love" but "Loved" him. Oh HATED sex with a passion too.
I thought about cheating but never would have. But, still thought about it.
One day I woke up and said I am either going to make this work or I'm gone. Told him the same thing. He became so much more loving, complimented me more, made me feel loved, etc. Everything changed.
My point is...when you talked about seeing your wife naked one day by accident(you loved it), you thought she looked beautiful standing in the kitchen...you should have told her she looked beautiful. You should try to kiss her. I know you were sleeping back in your bed with her...make a move. Don't be scared if she rejects you either. Just do it. If she does reject you, who cares you know where this relationship is going anyway.
You are angry at her, you need to let that go. I think you need to show her how much you love and want her. THIS LAST SENTENCE IS WHAT MADE EVERYBODY SO MAD AT ME. But, I honestly think this will make a world of difference with her.
JUST TRY IT and don't be scared. Quit spying, you haven't proved anything yet, so why go through all that worrying and stress?
I was just like your wife at one time. It can change.
Ahhh....I remember that post now. Thanks. I don't disagree...but.....I think I have to start my own IC before I can do that. To be honest/fair....she had been shutting down for years, before the freeze set in, two years ago. I've responded by pulling back, myself (probably why I would procrastinate going home so much.) My rejection issues are exactly what keep me from making any moves. It's one thing to feel rejected. It's quite another to actually be TOLD you are rejected. I have been thinking alot about initiating "date nights" with her. But..I think I'd like to get the next MC session under our belt first. I think I need more clarity that she isn't giving her heart to someone else...before I expose mine.
That all said...i don't disagree with your comments....just maybe the timing. Thanks for taking the time to repost!
Besises MC have the two of you had any books recommended to you and have you read and discussed them? Its been awhile and I'm to lazy to go back through the whole thread. Sorry.
You make some good points(concerning Daily taking the initiative), but in your case you came straigh-out to your husband and told him what you needed. In Daily's case... I don't know where his wife is at right now, or where her head is, for that matter. KWIM.
Another thing. You shouldn't edit your posts. If people get on your ass for something you say- F@#$ 'EM. Don't compromise your position because they lay into you. Post at will... post what you feel. Not everyone is gonna agree with you.
Besises MC have the two of you had any books recommended to you and have you read and discussed them? Its been awhile and I'm to lazy to go back through the whole thread. Sorry.
Over the past year+I've read (or are reading):
No More Mr. Nice Guy
Getting the Love You Want
Lover Busters
His Needs, Her Needs
Hold on to you NUT's
The Married Man Sex Life Primer
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
None of this was WITH her....and as far as I know....she's not been doing/reading ANYTHING for the benefit of the relationship.
I`m really mixed on the `"just going up to her and kissing her", I think you`ve been rejected so many times, and actually told so in so many words that she`s not happy with you. You`re self-esteem is probably really suffering at this point, and it takes lots of courage to make such a leap. It`s like you know what she`s going to do, same old.
You could start slowly though, maybe a touch on the shoulder when walking bye, very causal subtle gestures, then you can up it a bit in combination with how the MC is going, (only if positive). Slow process.
I`m really mixed on the `"just going up to her and kissing her", I think you`ve been rejected so many times, and actually told so in so many words that she`s not happy with you. You`re self-esteem is probably really suffering at this point, and it takes lots of courage to make such a leap. It`s like you know what she`s going to do, same old.
You could start slowly though, maybe a touch on the shoulder when walking bye, very causal subtle gestures, then you can up it a bit in combination with how the MC is going, (only if positive). Slow process.
...few years back he was not coming home until late at night either.
I'd like to clear this up. I was doing that ONLY during quarterly closes.....over the two week period....like 2-3x those weeks. Monthly closes was one per month.
It wasn't like it was every night. I was doing that because I was working until at least 9:00 pm.....she and kids were in bed....and frankly...it sucked going home to quiet house. Now...I KNOW....a great husband would have gone straight home, anyway. But ...how many great husbands also play golf all Saturday, have guys nights out, etc. I NEVER did those things. So...all told...my horrible time in 2007....I came home around midnight ...maybe 20-25 times..the whole year. Again...not trying to justify...but ....I dont' think it was enough to divorce over either.
Over the past year+I've read (or are reading):
No More Mr. Nice Guy
Getting the Love You Want
Lover Busters
His Needs, Her Needs
Hold on to you NUT's
The Married Man Sex Life Primer
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
None of this was WITH her....and as far as I know....she's not been doing/reading ANYTHING for the benefit of the relationship.
Some of these have to be read by BOTH of you. At least one of these she is not supposed to know you are reading I believe.
Try getting "Five Love Languages" and have her fill out the short love language test. Once you do that try to get her to read His Need Her Needs.
180Likes
Re: Pretty Much Have Lost It 
I have been thinking alot about initiating "date nights" with her. But..I think I'd like to get the next MC session under our belt first. I think I need more clarity that she isn't giving her heart to someone else...before I expose mine.
o
