Originally Posted by Iwant2bhappy
Funny you should ask...I was JUST getting ready to update.
Well....we had our MC yesterday. This was a MUCH better session. Actually, she was quite a bit friendlier the week after our last session (two weeks ago)...for about a week. Last week she was more distant, again. I THINK this was because I've been dealing with year-end..and working my butt off. Once again, coming home late. But, I tried to limit that to only a total of 5 days (out of the past two weeks.) I did do a LOT of work from home (all last weekend, for instance.) But....this year is much better than prior years.
Anyway...we were actually talking fairly nicely (nothing deep)...but fairly friendly yesterday. By the time we got to the MC, we were actually joking around a bit. MC came in and commented how we seemed so much lighter than we had previously. MC pointed out that the first two sessions, W basically refused to really even talk at all.
So...MC starts us off with our appreciations of each other..then asked what we wanted to discuss. I had actually triggered pretty hard during the week. I wasn't sure I wanted to bring out any of the heavy stuff...but finally decided I NEEDED to talk about the attempted EA. MC aske W if she was willing to talk about it. She basically responded that there really wasn't anything to talk about, and started in again about how he was just a friend...and she didn't like how I addressed this. MC pressed her a bit...and she was completely minimizing it...and thought I overreacted by telling the OMW. Finally, MC asked her if she was willing to answer/address my questions. W resonded "I guess."
So...I proceeded to tell her how hurt I was about her sharing our issues with another man. How she was reaching out to him, basically advertising her being available. She denied this....so I responded that I felt her minimizing what was happening was disrepectful to me. That...any one of the emails were not smoking guns...but her response to me confronting her ("We would never have gone through with it"...and "I guess I was just falling for his smooth talk")....proved to me that it was much more than "just friends." She proceeded to claim she never said these things. I told her...maybe not verbatim...but something along these lines. She denied again. So...I started quoting some of the exchanges......with each one, I could see it sinking into her that they were NOT just friends. But...she tried saying that he was friendly to lots of people...and was just a friendly person. So I asked her....'if this was SOOO innocent...why did you feel the need to hide in the bathroom to correspond with him?' MC pressed that point to her...and she acknowledged that she knew I would not approve of the conversations. MC pressed this more, asking her if she could acknowledge, then, that the emails might have (at a minimum) been pressing a boundary....and in a grey area. W actually acknowledged, at this point, that it probably was a grey area. So...I challenged her....'if I were developing a conversation with one of the mothers at the dance class...and YOU saw these same texts from ME.....can you honestly say you wouldn't have been upset??" She kind of deflated a bit...and finally agreed...she would have been upset. [BREAKTHROUGH??]
I honestly feel she struggled with that, because to admit that..means she had to admit she was ACTUALLY the type of person that could have started an innappropriate relationship with someone. I know that acknowledgement would really shake her self identity.
I then asked about the conversations in her car. She flat out refused to admit there is another phone...that she was just talking to herself. I simply find this hard to believe...but realized ...short of playing the recordings to her (and MC...which I'm not sure the MC would allow)....I wasn't going to get anywhere with that. Since I was never able to find definitive proof of this phone.....at least for now....I'll leave it be.
The whole conversation was pretty charged, but not confrontational. I was surprised. MC asked me what this acknowledgement meant to me. I told them, it meant we could deal with the why of this...and that I WASN'T crazy.
Anyway...after the session, I asked W if we could ask the sitter to stay longer, and we go out for a couple drinks and talk. She agreed....so we spent the next 3 hours over some food/drinks....talking. Mostly it was just light stuff. But it was nice. When we came home (around 8:00 pm), I started getting ready to watch a movie...expecting her to go to bed (normal routine.) I was really surprised that she joined me on the sofa....and we wound up watching movies until we both were falling asleep (around 12:30 AM.) It has been FOREVER since she has stayed up late with me. We really had a very nice time.
Today, she's been talking to me about things (projects) she wants to do around the house (all long-term, large projects.) We continue to be getting along today. It appears that us just talking about our issues might actually be making a big difference in our interactions.
I'm not really too sure what long-term conclusions I can make here. She just went to the grocery store...and I texted her that I love her. I don't really expect a response...but feel she needs to here that, now and then.
We have another MC session in two weeks. I'm hoping we can keep the conversations going, and continue addressing the issues. I have hope right now....but still keeping my eyes open.
What do you guys think?