Maybe you should go tell her goodnight? Posted via Mobile Device
I did. Also talked to her about us going to the healthclub during the week. She agreed. But still....we've talked (in MC) how it makes me feel completely unappreciated when she just goes to bed without the courtesy of a "goodnight."
I did. Also talked to her about us going to the healthclub during the week. She agreed. But still....we've talked (in MC) how it makes me feel completely unappreciated when she just goes to bed without the courtesy of a "goodnight."
It might just be a habit she needs to break. If you keep telling her "Good Night" every night she will get used to saying the return "Good Night" (and I'm assuming she did) and it becomes a habit.
This sounds very promising and I'm happy for you guys (not even asking how the cat is doing)!
Yeah, I guess we need to let the cat thing go now lol
I agree, it does sound like it's going in the right direction. I'm wondering if she considers herself a proud person, that if she admits that she may have became weak and let herself have some feelings for someone, that it would somehow show you that she's not a good person. She is obviously suffering from some sort of hurt, and is afraid of expressing it sometimes.
When push comes to shove she does admit to some things. But is it because she's backed up against the wall, or is it that she really doesn't see things clearly for whatever reason?
I'm not so sure it's out of habit. For myself, prior to my affair, I knew my husband and should be giving each other more hugs, more kisses, cuddling in bed. I really did want to, but partly I didn't feel he wanted them or even wanted me. I know you tell her you want them, you tell her you love her, and she doesn't respond. We all know she's blocked somehow, and I think the MC will eventually get to the root of it, it sounds like a lot is being shared during sessions.
Yeah, I guess we need to let the cat thing go now lol
I agree, it does sound like it's going in the right direction. I'm wondering if she considers herself a proud person, that if she admits that she may have became weak and let herself have some feelings for someone, that it would somehow show you that she's not a good person. She is obviously suffering from some sort of hurt, and is afraid of expressing it sometimes.
When push comes to shove she does admit to some things. But is it because she's backed up against the wall, or is it that she really doesn't see things clearly for whatever reason?
I don't know. She definitely was proudly adament that she did nothing wrong, at first. Then I just started quoting the things being said....and each one seemed to bring her resolve down a peg. When I asked her if it was so innocent...why did she have to hide in the bathroom to email him...she acknowledged that she knew I wouldn't approve. The MC zoomed in on this a bit...and got her to admit that "Maybe" the communication was pushing a boundary...into a little grey area. THEN...when I asked if SHE could honestly say SHE wouldn't get upset if she caught me with the same emails to one of the dance moms......the light seemed to come on. She acknowledged she WOULD be upset. Once again, the MC zoomed in on this...and she acknowledged that the communication WAS inappropriate.
I agree with you though. I think she holds herself to a high standard. She resisted admitting this was anything but innocent, as otherwise...she would have to admit she was not pure (I guess.) I'm not pyschologist...but I DID stay in a Holiday Inn, last night.
So...my question is this. There HAS been acknowledgement....but I'm afraid that now it is being laid to rest (at least in HER mind, and possibly the MC.) I have absolutely NO interest in harboring this against her....but do feel this is not enough. I'm not saying she HAS to say "I'm sorry".....but SOME level of remorse seems appropriate. Clearly, Saturday night...and yesterday....she was reaching out to me (in her own way)...being friendlier. I realize we were having problems BEFORE this happened. So, yes...I have my own heavy lifting to do. But...what should I be expecting from her? Just going with the flow doesn't seem enough. THAT will certainly not regain my trust.
I mean....most of Sunday...she's talking about all the things she wants to do with the house. We haven't talked like that in a long time....as...that would imply a future. So..THAT was nice. But..absent "I love you"s from her ....I sure as hell am NOT putting $30-40k into the house...and 5 yrs of labor/sweat...to modify this house into her dream. I'm willing to talk about it now...cause...frankly...it's fun. But....at some point, there HAS to be a line where she is either all in, or not. I'm not doing all this stuff if she isn't.
It seems to me that she is willing to work on the marriage in general. Remodeling the house is talking future and that's a good thing. She would be talking about that if she saw no future for you guys. However, I also think that she had a lot of time to be alone with her thoughts (the years were things weren't that great between the two of you) and she might have accumulated all kinds of assumptions about you and your marriage that aren't true and probably vice versa. That's stuff she needs to come clean with and then there's the emailing and talking to this dance class guy. She needs to come clean about that too, she needs to understand what it was, what it wasn't and why it happened. All this is going to take time. The better you guys get along, the more likely she's going to be opening up to you.
Why did you sleep at Holiday Inn? Did she kick you out????
Working, 100 bucks on a Happy Ending on this one!!!!!
Also something I have to throw in to this: Think long and hard before you invest any kind of money into your home other than what's needed to maintain it. You might be living in a pocket where values haven't depreciated that much but IN NO WAY are we ever going to see a housing market the way it was when any darn dog (please note that I said dog, not cat) could have gotten a loan.
Market recovery is going to be slow and modest. It's not going to sky rocket again, so think long and hard before you put even $10k in improvements in your home (to maintain is okay just stay away from additions, added pools with waterfalls especially if most homes in your neighborhood don't have these features) unless you are 200% sure that you will be living in this house until the cows come home, whether she says I love you or not. It most areas it's not a good market to sell, if you can afford it it's always good and prudent to maintain but stay away from putting in a pool and expect to cash in on your pad in 3 years. Not happening! If you can't stay away from Home Depot, get new wall paint, change your throw pillows around, get new wall art, whatever, just don't add a another bathroom or a solar heated pool with beach entry and waterfall feature. You're not going to get even the slightest return on this.
This concludes today's real estate market update! LOL
I was joking. Never saw the commercials where the guy is doing brain surgery (or something)....claiming his wonderful sleep at Holiday Inn allowed him to do something he wasn't really qualified to do?
So, when she reaches out to you in her own way, how do you react? do you just go at her pace, or can you step it up a notch, not so she notices too much. Then each time it may be more comfortable for her to reach out and accept you affection in return, and eventually back to where it was years ago.
So, when she reaches out to you in her own way, how do you react? do you just go at her pace, or can you step it up a notch, not so she notices too much. Then each time it may be more comfortable for her to reach out and accept you affection in return, and eventually back to where it was years ago.
Well...her self-prescribed assignment, from MC, was to "be a little nicer." At this point, I'm trying to figure out if she is just doing her assignment, or really reaching out. So...for now....I'm putting myself out there (remember, I've got the unresponded to "I love you"...floating out there.)
Well...her self-prescribed assignment, from MC, was to "be a little nicer." At this point, I'm trying to figure out if she is just doing her assignment, or really reaching out. So...for now....I'm putting myself out there (remember, I've got the unresponded to "I love you"...floating out there.)
Does that mean she made being nicer her own goal not assigned by the counselor?
When was the last time she said I love you?
I'm worried that you are being impatient and you're going to blow it.
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