Maybe you should tell her that some decisions need to be made and made soon. Have you still been going to MC? In your honest opinion what do you think she wants?
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Yes...we are still going to MC. Our next session is Wednesday afternoon. To be perfectly honest...I really have NO IDEA what she wants. We seem to be getting along okay, now. We've gone on dates, and spend a LOT more time together. I have made quite a few changes to myself, over the past 6 months:
1) I gave up gaming, back in August;
2) Lost about 25 lbs....and still going;
3) I'm in a pool league on Tuesday nights...other than that...I get home right after work, every night;
4) I spend considerable more time doing "family" things;
5) I've pretty much gone cold-turkey on the porn;
6) I've started seeing an IC;
7) I watch my angry outbursts. Can't even remember the last time (over a year);
8) Help out more around the house;
9) I definitely make sure to give her Acts of Service (her major love language);
10) And I take her out on dates.
All these have been consistently done for at least 4 months (if not longer.) So...I'm doing everything I can to meet her emotional needs (not that she has even really discussed them...but reference the list I discovered, back when I was snooping on her.) I even started being NON-disagreeable about the cat.
Although she has been quite a bit nicer with me....she still is not really reaching out to me in any way. As of last MC, she was unable to tell me where her head was. And...instead of discussing any of her bitterness she has with me...she threw out the "I hate it when he talks about work"....red herring.
So....come my deadline (mid-March)...if she is unable to tell me she even WANTS the marriage...I'm backing off. Everything I'm doing (except maybe the acts of service stuff) is for the purpose of me being a better man/father/husband. However, she has to start showing ME something, as well. She seems perfectly content to let me shoulder all the load; as if I was the only issue in the marriage.
At this point...I really have no idea if she is still communicating with her AP. I have no idea if her going cold on me two years ago was due to another EA (I don't think she could have had a PA.) None of her complaints have been really that major.....so, I really just don't understand why she went distant two years ago. If it was another EA....I don't know if it is still going. Can't understand why she would not be responding more favorably to my endeavors, unless she is just gone (but then why would she want to go on trips with me); or she is still in a fog with someone. No evidence...but then....there still is that "other phone" question.