More history rewriting.....my daught DID start crying, and ran over to my wife...AFTER I left the room. I saw her start welling up, and stopped. Nice way to make me the villian. I yelled at her, cause I'd HAD IT with her condescending comments
Just looking for some advice. Again..sorry for the long post.
Obviously there are two sides to this story, you feel like you were the loving supporting husband all these years, she thinks you never cared and she's only together at this point for the kids.. it's hard to say who is more "to blame" as if it even matters at this point.
The only thing I can comment with any degree of "authority" since its the only thing you wrote that puts you in a bad light and shows some "at fault" behavior is your lack of self restraint and poor anger management in that you yelled at your wife in front of your daughter to the point that she ran to her mom afterwards (as if it matters that she ran to her after and not during your tirade?).
Never EVER yell at your spouse in front of the children, the effects especially cumulatively over time can be devastating and can leave negative psychological results that can span subsequent generations through one failed relationship after another.
More troubling perhaps is that not only do you 1) not see anything wrong with yelling in front of your daughter but 2) you justify it with everything that follows the word "cause" in your post quoted above.
Stop making excuses for your poor behavior, that's not going to get you anywhere but divorced, lonely and blaming everyone else for the problems you have in your relationships.
Edited to add: I read more of the thread, not the entire 75 pages but the more recent posts.
I see you have addressed the anger management issue, that's good, but as someone else said, it's probably too little, too late.
At least you'll be more improved as far as your self awareness and how you deal with conflict. That will help you going forward, but not necessarily with your marriage.
When she brings up wanting to go to Barcelona again, talk to her about how romantic a trip that would be and if she ccould handle that. Not in the clumsy way I stated it but you get my drift. Maybe a hint or two. May be just what the doctor ordered, like a second honeymoon with out the seasickness. You might even send her an invite to go on the trip along with a bouquet of red roses.
Yeah, thanks....same path, nothing new. I found out last week that I'll have a business trip to Barcelona in June. When my wife found out...she was all..."I wanna go." We talked about it briefly....but...basically....i'm still waiting until my mid-March deadline for her to start coming around. After that...all trips are off. I didn't say that to her...but ...i'm thinking....WHY?? Why in the world would you want to go with me....when you can't even decide you WANT the relationship with me? I guess that is just more of the cake? Well...the bakery shuts down in March. That will be 5 months since D-Day. If she can't decide she wants the relationship by then...I'll decide it for her, I guess.
I hate to say this... but I think she wants to go to Barcelona... and if going with you is the way to go, so be it... plus since its a business trip, she probably figures that you will be busy working and she can enjoy the trip without you.
I had to work a little late, last night....so I figured I'd give reaching out another try. It was 4 weeks ago when I sent her an 'I love you' text; which she ignored ....then told the MC that my texts were "over the top."
So...last night I sent her a text 'I figure you've already had dinner, and are on the sofa playing your word game. But I thought I might tell you (AGAIN) that I love you.'
I'm not sure if it is progress...she did respond (?):
"Nope...cleaning up after dinner and trying to convince DD2 the fish tastes like fish sticks, only better."
So...she didn't IGNORE this one...but glossed over the important point.
I had to work a little late, last night....so I figured I'd give reaching out another try. It was 4 weeks ago when I sent her an 'I love you' text; which she ignored ....then told the MC that my texts were "over the top."
So...last night I sent her a text 'I figure you've already had dinner, and are on the sofa playing your word game. But I thought I might tell you (AGAIN) that I love you.'
I'm not sure if it is progress...she did respond (?):
"Nope...cleaning up after dinner and trying to convince DD2 the fish tastes like fish sticks, only better."
So...she didn't IGNORE this one...but glossed over the important point.
I know you don't think so, but to me, it looks like you sent a text to get an I love you back. Not because you love her, but as part of a covert contract. That may not have been your conscious intent, but it is how it comes across
Try texting about stuff to keep dialog going (which she at least seems willing to do). Nice things, like you are thinking about her, without going for the whole I love you. Give her the space to engage.
I know you don't think so, but to me, it looks like you sent a text to get an I love you back. Not because you love her, but as part of a covert contract. That may not have been your conscious intent, but it is how it comes across
Try texting about stuff to keep dialog going (which she at least seems willing to do). Nice things, like you are thinking about her, without going for the whole I love you. Give her the space to engage.
We are back to that again, huh? You are somewhat right, I guess. I really want to know where her head is. I'm not texting her that for the sole purpose of getting a response. I just want to remind her that I do love her. At SOME point, the hope is that she will be in the same place. But, her being the introvert that she is.....who knows if she would just up and tell me. You make a good point, though. I can rephrase as just "Thinking about you", instead. Per my earlier posts....I'm not spending money on trips with her, if she really isn't into the marriage. In the meantime...I figure I'll periodically make sure she knows at least where I am.
We are back to that again, huh? You are somewhat right, I guess. I really want to know where her head is. I'm not texting her that for the sole purpose of getting a response. I just want to remind her that I do love her. At SOME point, the hope is that she will be in the same place. But, her being the introvert that she is.....who knows if she would just up and tell me. You make a good point, though. I can rephrase as just "Thinking about you", instead. Per my earlier posts....I'm not spending money on trips with her, if she really isn't into the marriage. In the meantime...I figure I'll periodically make sure she knows at least where I am.
I am glad you took that in the way I intended.
I think you can make sure she knows where you are without smothering. I think the texting was great. You were thinking about her and let her know that. You also got a generally positive response, which is great. Keeping up the banter with her will show her that you are still wanting this to work, even if you don't use those exact words.
I think you can make sure she knows where you are without smothering. I think the texting was great. You were thinking about her and let her know that. You also got a generally positive response, which is great. Keeping up the banter with her will show her that you are still wanting this to work, even if you don't use those exact words.
Gotcha. For the record, though....I'm pretty much just texting her "banter" once a week, or two. I've been sending her the 'I Love You' text once a month. Other than that, I try not to text her much. I keep hoping she might initiate some banter. Nothing yet.
I hate to say this... but I think she wants to go to Barcelona... and if going with you is the way to go, so be it... plus since its a business trip, she probably figures that you will be busy working and she can enjoy the trip without you.
I agree! First thing I thought yesterday when I read Daily's posting was that she just wanted to go to Barcelona. Posted via Mobile Device
Why on god's green earth would you even consider taking her to Spain? She has shown you zero consideration.
Go alone. Hit the tapas bars every night and flirt with as many hot Spanish girls as you can.
It'll do you good. Posted via Mobile Device
Well...I did write, I would only take her if she has made a dramatic shift in her approach to the marriage by my deadline (Mid-March). I haven't told HER that. I'm just quietly going about being my wonderful self. She doesn't know it...but she is running out of runway. She's got about 3 weeks left. After that....the very next MC session...I will point blank demand 'Are you in, or are you out.....decide.' If she can't decide...I will quietly tell the MC that her services are no longer needed, and go hard 180. ONE of us will be getting an apartment, after that.
If I were you, I would start preparing for that eventuality RIGHT NOW. No point in sitting on your hands hoping for the best... Posted via Mobile Device
If I were you, I would start preparing for that eventuality RIGHT NOW. No point in sitting on your hands hoping for the best... Posted via Mobile Device
I'm not really sure what to do. I've already had my initial meeting with a lawyer. He advised me to get ANYTHING in writing, that I can get, regarding custody. Everything else, he said, will fall into place. Problem is....she flat out refused to respond to my letter regarding it. I don't want to make any move until she can agree on custody. Problem is....if she refuses to discuss it...what are my options? I live in Maryland...and we have to be physically separated for one year before we can divorce. So...i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. If she doesn't make some change...and I make my declaration at the MC session...I would also ask her again for an agreement on custody. If she doesn't respond, I could ask her to move out....but if she refuses....my lawyer tells me to NOT move out. So...what then? House deed is in both our names...but the mortgage is only in mine. I don't want to have to sell it...but I guess that is my only next move. She would have to agree to that, as well, though.
It kind of takes some wind out of my sails, for the D move.
I think you can make sure she knows where you are without smothering.
since when does telling your wife "I love you" amount to smothering?
i've gone through your whole thread, and there is not one ounce of heavy lifting on your wife's part since you blew her ea out of the water.
call it resentment, or whatever. she has long since checked-out of the marriage.
she's just waiting you out, so she can say you're the one who filed. her hands are clean in all this. she'll probably even tell people you were a suspicious pyscho who was spying on her all the time.
she's just waiting you out, so she can say you're the one who filed. her hands are clean in all this. she'll probably even tell people you were a suspicious pyscho who was spying on her all the time.
Totally agree.
She's smarter than her husband and devious to boot. There is nothing remotely likable about this woman.
180Likes
Re: Pretty Much Have Lost It 
You are somewhat right, I guess. I really want to know where her head is. I'm not texting her that for the sole purpose of getting a response. I just want to remind her that I do love her. At SOME point, the hope is that she will be in the same place. But, her being the introvert that she is.....who knows if she would just up and tell me. You make a good point, though. I can rephrase as just "Thinking about you", instead. Per my earlier posts....I'm not spending money on trips with her, if she really isn't into the marriage. In the meantime...I figure I'll periodically make sure she knows at least where I am.
