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Husbands using a massage parlour.

23K views 134 replies 39 participants last post by  Hope1964 
#1 ·
I just found out that my husband has been using a massage parlour, he is telling me it is just for a regular massage and that he goes to these places because they can fit him in anytime? I feel so sick right now, I have no one to talk to about this, I am really embarrassed and I don't want to slander him to anyone. Is it possible he is going to these places for a legit massage?
 
#10 ·
yup, if it's for real, they should have scheduling options for (non-creepy) couples massages.

In PA, massage therapists have to take a state licensing test and have a membership number that you can search on the state database.

If they don't have some kind of certification you can verify, then that will be your answer.
 
#5 ·
I searched up the parlours, they are Asian massage parlours, most have hours that run to midnight, he even has a bunch of the girl's numbers on his phone, they are definitely sexual parlours but he says he is going only for legit massages, he is even getting a receipt for insurance? One of the girls and her number came up as an escort when I google searched her?
 
#13 ·
It's not that I don't appreciate your advice, it's just that I just found out about this this afternoon, the last thing I want to do right now if offer to do his massages instead, right now I am wondering if our marriage is over?

We have been having issues for a while, it's just that I thought we were working through them, now I just feel really stupid.
 
#14 ·
He regularly goes for massage and chiropractic treatments.

Last month I was snooping on his phone and I found password and login for a singles site.
I confronted him about and he lied until I showed him what I found. He said he was just checking it out for fun...he was really believable, and he has never given me a reason to doubt him, so I believed him.

Today, I was looking at his phone again and that's when I noticed that he had a ton of massage numbers in his contacts, as well of a few girls names and numbers. Google searched the names of parlours and the names and number of the girls.

2 of the parlours came up on a website that reviews this sort of thing, the men were discussing which girls are best and what not, so it was pretty obvious. 1 of the girls names and her number came up on an escort service site.
 
#25 ·
Check his phone history. Is he making calls or texting?

If he's calling, VAR his car. Read the Standard evidence post to learn how.

Figure out when he is going. If you can, have a friend follow him, or hire a PI.

Don't expect him to ever admit what he did, even with irrefutable evidence. You want to know for sure for you. You want to know to be confident you did the right thing. You want to know for your sanity, as he will try to convince you he is crazy.
 
#21 ·
First ask yourself this: if he were to admit to it, would you choose divorce or reconciliation?

For as long as he refuses to admit it (along w/ committing to stopping the behavior and committing to 100% transparency going forward), by the way, your choice should be divorce.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#22 ·
I don't even know the answer to that.


What your saying is it really doesn't matter if he admits it or not? It's so hard to make a decision without having confirmation, even though there is so much evidence.


I feel like the fact that he can't tell me the truth, shows me that there is no way we can fix this but then
I'm not sure if I would want to fix it
If he admitted it either??


Then there is the fact that he is denying it so much makes me want to believe him..
 
#28 ·
Then there is the fact that he is denying it so much makes me want to believe him..
This is natural. And of course you want to believe him because then life could go back to normal.

Do some research on polygraph tests in your area, then ask him to take a polygraph. If he acts outraged, that's a bad sign. If he says "sure." set it up. Most cheaters say "sure" thinking you'll assume they must be honest and not go through with it. I've read about a LOT of "pre polygraph" confessions in the minutes before you're getting in the car to go.

Also, if you do a polygraph I've read they only ask 2 or 3 questions, so you want to write down ALL your questions and ask him before the polygraph when he doesn't know which of those questions they're going to ask during the test.
 
#23 · (Edited)
Go to the places and inquire about their services. try to make an appointment. Look at the clientele. Are the surroundings of the shop nicely decorated and next door to Whole Foods? Is there a condom dispenser in the gents?

What reason would he have for going to these places vs. a legit masseuse if he has a medical reason for going and insurance will cover? Find out if any of the places have been raided.

Of course he is not going to tell you the truth, cheaters lie and lie and lie. They are very convincing. You can show a picture of him and the girl in the act and he will still deny it. Google the signs of cheating and the things cheaters say. They all follow the same script. Get a full panel of STD tests.

Why are you embarrassed and concerned about exposing him? He humiliated and hurt you and exposed you to what could be deadly diseases. He does not love you enough to protect you now or in the past so you don't owe him protection. There are consequences for deception.
 
#31 ·
So he has receipts then? Look at the totals and see if the amounts correspond to standard massage or if they are higher (therefore extra services included).

But seriously, your husband is not going for a strictly medical massage at a massage parlor that has workers with escort services advertised online.

And let me guess - he never mentioned these massages to you. He only explained them AFTER you found the contacts on his phone, right? If that is the case, then there is no doubt. If he was going for medically therapeutic messages, he would have mentioned it.
 
#29 ·
There is a possibility that it's a legit place. You should check it with your own eyes. I've read that even in the shady places that are giving "happy endings" there are customers who actually go for a massage.

You have to do the recon in person. Calling the place is not enough. Maybe get a trusted male (brother, cousin) to check it out for you. If it's a shady place, they'll put on the legit appearance for woman.
 
#30 ·
Sorry you are here

1. No self respecting, decently married H should be frequenting these types of massage places when there are legit ones available
2. He has been obviously mongering on the internet - no married man has any reason to be involved in this practice either
3. sounds like he is gas lighting you and you don't seem to have the backbone or nerve to follow through on consequences
4. Get yourself STD tested, if he's been doing more that slapping the sausage then you will have been sleeping with all of the men those women have slept with
5. Why have you been having problems in your marriage? Has he become disengaged?
6. Let your friends and family know exactly what he has been up to
7. Go see a counsellor for youself to work through your feelings and get yourself some self respect to call him out on his ****
8. Go see a lawyer and present him with the papers, tell him, he has no right to be in those places, or be online chatting girls, etc. If he wants the single life he can have it, you need to get some self respect.

I do hope you have no kids. Remember, usually what you see is only the tip of the iceberg so yes, he has probably slept with a few of them. Do not fall for his gas lighting and lies.
 
#33 ·
Before you drive yourself crazy, go to the parlor and check it out. Make an appointment with the lady who does his massage and check out the atmosphere.

Just because he goes to parlor that you think offer extra, does not mean your H is doing anything wrong.

Your distrust is probably stemming from something else happening. If this is one of your red flags then check it out.
 
#35 ·
The thing is, I think it is possible that he could have had a regular massage at one of these places, the money does not add up, he is spending $80 to $100 for a massage which could possibly just be a regular massage but who
Knows if he is getting a massage at all?
He is getting a receipt for insurance but that doesn't really prove anything either because they could have a registered masseuse signing the receipts?

I don't know how these places work?

What I do know is that he is going to and seeking out these types of massage parlours? Why would
You do that unless you wanted more than a massage.

Also, he had numbers on his cell phone of masseuses and when I google their numbers and names they come up as escorts?

On Craigslist he has an add on his favorited of a Asian massage parlour and the add has pictures of half naked women? Obviously he knows what type of place it is.

I don't think going to these places are going to help me, they will treat me differently because I am a women.

I looked into polygraph and we have a local place here. I am going to tell him I need him to do this in order to believe him.

Everything in my body is screaming that he is lying to me...
 
#36 ·
Hi there, fellow Albertan here.

First of all, like someone else said, you need to get STD tested stat. And DO NOT have sex with your husband AT ALL.

OK, so I know exactly the type of place you are talking about. The receipts your husband gets only need to have a valid RMT or NT registration number on them for him to get his money back from insurance. Rub and tugs all have real therapists on staff who have valid numbers for this purpose. But if your husband is frequenting these places, GUARANTEED he is getting more than just the rub part. GUARANTEED.

OK here is the hard part. Your attitude needs to change. You know what hes doing. You KNOW. So you need to tell him that you know, and do NOT accept his lameass excuses any more, because he is LYING. You know he is lying. So you have to visit a lawyer and initiate a divorce. I know that is not what you want to do but it really is the only thing that might get his attention at this point. He has you right where he wants you - wanting to believe his lies so he can keep on doing his dirty little deeds.
 
#37 ·
My husband has degenerative disks in his back so he’s in a lot of pain often. I occasionally get him gift certificates for massages at REPUTABLE places here in town. I occasionally rub his back too, but I know I’m not able to really get to the deep tissue to make him feel better so I tend to leave it to the pros. I know he loves the massages because of how much he moans and groans when *I* do it. It’s very therapeutic for his pain.

However, there are 2 here in town that are known to be the special Happy Ending places. There isn’t a person in this town that doesn’t know what they are. If your husband is going to one of these places, he is perfectly aware of what goes on there. The fact that he could get a normal massage there is moot. He has these womens numbers in his phone and he’s searching dating websites?

This is bad. All bad.
 
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