11-01-2011, 04:12 PM
Join Date: Oct 2011
| | Re: Foggy
Back to your original post, I can understand the short shock and go silent period you are going through. In my case, my wife is scared that I will leave her despite that I have implemented the heavy lifting plan, no contact rule, boundaries, and complete transparency. If it wasn't for the hurt I see in her every day, it would feel like I'm the clown in the center ring and she is watching what I do next.
The first thing you need to do is to go to individual counseling so that you can get a grip on what happened and why. Then talk to your wife about what you want to do next such as fix your marriage, or understand where your marriage is now and what the next step should be that works for both of you. Either way, you will need marriage counseling for this. Perhaps you wife can go to individual counseling as well.
You are trying to make a decision at a point in your life when making a decision of any kind will not be supported by facts. Welcome to my world!!!
In the meantime, talk to your wife every day and show that you care for her. Even if you don't feel the deep love that you once did, you still love her or you wouldn't be here posting like the rest of us cheaters here are doing well.
Slow down and follow the process (advice I can barely do myself). Each day is tough. But you must be there for your wife, despite the personal shame you feel. I bet you feel that you no longer deserve her love. And the affair provided 100% of what you like in life. But the affair did not have the challenges of the real world placed upon it. Your marriage does, and you've made it work for a long time now.
So go to counseling and get started on getting your life back. Regardless of which way it ends up, it will be clear why things turned out the way the did.
Also, implement all of the rules on yourself like I did. Hold yourself accountable. Try to earn back your self respect by sticking to the rules.