So Sunday evening we went to my sister in laws home. Mother in law and several teen aged cousins as well. My wife had a very bad day with the boys as they were talking back and not listening. I had to work that day so I came after. One of the cousins who is nine years old the boys adore. This cousin has been somewhat of a bad influence, telling the boys to say no and to run when called are just two examples. Their time with this cousin is limited and monitored since she tells the boys to do wrong.
During dinner one of the boys refused to eat. My wife had mentioned he would get nothing else to eat that night if he didn't eat dinner. He talked back to my wife and she told him he would go in z time out if he continued. A few minutes later he talked back again and I told my wife I would take care of it. I got up and had him stand in the corner twenty feet away from the table. His brother was able to see his nine year old cousin laugh because his brother was in trouble. The nine year old actually left the table because she was about to laugh out loud.
The one standing in the corner kept turning around in the corner to watch everyone. I turned him back around and whispered in his ear. At this point he began to cry. About a minute later my wife slammed her hand on the table. She then proceeded to scream at me that I should be considerate to everyone else and taken him upstairs. Immediately I felt disrespected, humiliated, in disbelief as she screamed.
A thought came to my mind to say, your affair was enough disrespect to me, don't ever speak to me in that manner again. Although I didn't say that, I walked outside to calm down. When we got home that evening we put the kids to bed and my wife asked to talk. I explained calmly how and what I felt. I then told her I was too angry to talk about the incident that night.
My wife couldn't let it go and apologized, I again told her how I felt and that I could not talk tonight. On Monday night I saw my therapist and discussed this with her. My therapist was shocked at my wife's behavior, but completely understands how I have felt about this. My therapist asked if I was strong enough to live with a wife who could and will disrespect myself. She then asked if I loved her enough to wait while she works on disrespect in therapy. My wife is very strong willed and up until now I saw that as good, however right now it has only caused me pain and sadness.
Almost two and a half years into reconciliation, all the hard work both of us have done, and no idea what is right from here. At the moment my emotions have been racing. I told my wife I am undecided, if she deems that unfair she can choose what she likes. It is unfair of me to expect her to wait while I am undecided, and I told her this, but as of right now I simply can't work on reconciliation and myself until I have come to a decision.
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During dinner one of the boys refused to eat. My wife had mentioned he would get nothing else to eat that night if he didn't eat dinner. He talked back to my wife and she told him he would go in z time out if he continued. A few minutes later he talked back again and I told my wife I would take care of it. I got up and had him stand in the corner twenty feet away from the table. His brother was able to see his nine year old cousin laugh because his brother was in trouble. The nine year old actually left the table because she was about to laugh out loud.
The one standing in the corner kept turning around in the corner to watch everyone. I turned him back around and whispered in his ear. At this point he began to cry. About a minute later my wife slammed her hand on the table. She then proceeded to scream at me that I should be considerate to everyone else and taken him upstairs. Immediately I felt disrespected, humiliated, in disbelief as she screamed.
A thought came to my mind to say, your affair was enough disrespect to me, don't ever speak to me in that manner again. Although I didn't say that, I walked outside to calm down. When we got home that evening we put the kids to bed and my wife asked to talk. I explained calmly how and what I felt. I then told her I was too angry to talk about the incident that night.
My wife couldn't let it go and apologized, I again told her how I felt and that I could not talk tonight. On Monday night I saw my therapist and discussed this with her. My therapist was shocked at my wife's behavior, but completely understands how I have felt about this. My therapist asked if I was strong enough to live with a wife who could and will disrespect myself. She then asked if I loved her enough to wait while she works on disrespect in therapy. My wife is very strong willed and up until now I saw that as good, however right now it has only caused me pain and sadness.
Almost two and a half years into reconciliation, all the hard work both of us have done, and no idea what is right from here. At the moment my emotions have been racing. I told my wife I am undecided, if she deems that unfair she can choose what she likes. It is unfair of me to expect her to wait while I am undecided, and I told her this, but as of right now I simply can't work on reconciliation and myself until I have come to a decision.
Posted via Mobile Device