My husband has been conducting an emotional affair with his ex-girlfriend. It finished about 3 months ago (he finally decided he wanted to stay married to me), but they've talked 3-4 times since then. I found out about a week ago. Three months ago, he told her "don't call me unless it's an emergency." One time she texted and email and facebook messaged him that one of their old teachers had died, and she was going to the funeral, and asked him if he was going (he said no, twice). Another time, her boyfriend cheated on her and left her (ha, ha) and he and another friend went up and comforted her. He said she was putting out some "get back together signals." Then, she called a few days later to thank him for helping her out while we were in the car together, so he put it on speakerphone without my asking. She definitely sounded like she was getting sentimental about him, but nothing inappropriate. Last week, she texted something about some plants blooming at her house. He didn't respond. Monday, she called and left a message saying she was passing the road to his old house and she was thinking of him. He didn't call back.
Since I found out, I blocked her on facebook and I've changed his passwords, still haven't given him access to his accounts and phone yet, but I let him use them when I'm next to him. I'm still letting go. Things we've read advocate sending a no-contact letter rather than using a phone call. Since they only had sporadic contact (he'd call her up and complain about me if we were fighting, but not talking on a daily or even weekly basis), is it okay to just ghost her? Or wait til the next time she gets in contact and he'll tell her he doesn't want to talk to her anymore? Can it be a phone call instead? I kind of want to see what she has to say, even if he's only saying not to contact him. What should a no-contact letter say? I'm in no rush to send anything, because it's still really fresh with me, and I want to make sure it's done right and thoroughly.
I have an email I want to send her, but I don't want it to be like the ones I've seen online. They're not coming from a place of strength, it's more like a place of fear and insecurity. A "leave my family alone" letter seems desperate and fearful, but I feel (kinda) strong because in this case, I have the moral high ground, and I'm not desperate to keep my husband, but I'd be very pleased if he grew up and committed to our marriage. I feel like I need to have my say- I have with my husband already. Is this ever a good idea?
Since I found out, I blocked her on facebook and I've changed his passwords, still haven't given him access to his accounts and phone yet, but I let him use them when I'm next to him. I'm still letting go. Things we've read advocate sending a no-contact letter rather than using a phone call. Since they only had sporadic contact (he'd call her up and complain about me if we were fighting, but not talking on a daily or even weekly basis), is it okay to just ghost her? Or wait til the next time she gets in contact and he'll tell her he doesn't want to talk to her anymore? Can it be a phone call instead? I kind of want to see what she has to say, even if he's only saying not to contact him. What should a no-contact letter say? I'm in no rush to send anything, because it's still really fresh with me, and I want to make sure it's done right and thoroughly.
I have an email I want to send her, but I don't want it to be like the ones I've seen online. They're not coming from a place of strength, it's more like a place of fear and insecurity. A "leave my family alone" letter seems desperate and fearful, but I feel (kinda) strong because in this case, I have the moral high ground, and I'm not desperate to keep my husband, but I'd be very pleased if he grew up and committed to our marriage. I feel like I need to have my say- I have with my husband already. Is this ever a good idea?