11-02-2011, 09:07 AM
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Henniker, the only one on Earth
| | Re: How did IC help you whilst coping witb infidelity
For me, I had relational issues with always having to justify anger that did not need to be justified because the triggers were unquestionably bad behavior of other people that I should not have accepted. Once I got over questioning myself about that, life became much easier.
However, in therapy you have to trust the therapist to know how best to help you. So you should not question what the therapist is doing or how it is done except if it is listed in the bunch of illegal stuff therapists should not do, or if it feels wrong, in which case you should tell the therapist it feels wrong.
Wrong doesn't mean uncomfortable.
Basically, the therapist opens windows in your vision or adjusts the way you experience and respond to the world. It's not so much a matter of fixing stuff that went wrong in the past, but changing the outlook on your future, and how you, as an individual who is always present in your life, will play an active part of that future.
A therapist is a good listener. You should feel better, but also you should come to a point where you can look back and identify lost opportunities to have avoided current problems....whatever they may be...and also, some sort of transferrence where you can give yourself the same empathy and listening that the therapist is giving you. By paying attention to the careful approach the therapist takes in listening, you can learn to listen to yourself, to what you really want to say or do, but didn't. Or how you might have acted out of fear or anxiety because of lack of insight, whatever that was caused by, and to address that problem too, if it exists...i.e. recognizing personal triggers.
Sometimes when you talk, someone might pick up on something that you missed completely! So talking is good, because what you choose to say when you are not censoring yourself (and to get your $$$ and time's worth, you absolutely should never censor yourself with a therapist!!!!), reveals the issues in surprising ways that will end up with you gaining quite a lot of personal power as you move forward.
If you are uncomfortable with your therapist for any reason, you need to discuss it with him/her.
Yes it is good to have goals. You can write them up as a rough draft. But after you do that, just put them away and only glance at them once in a while to see if they are still goals you are interested in moving towards. Otherwise, trust the therapist to help move you towards the goals. Once you have written them down they will motivate you subconsciously so you don't have to doggedly pursue them in a linear fashion. In fact, a curve could end up to be a shortcut. :-o