I say he deserves to be knocked out because he's a serial cheat who does whatever he wants and gets away with it because his wife won't leave him. Please understand I think I'm a pos too. It takes two.
LH, you're one of the very few cheaters I have respect for, and I have a lot
of respect for you. What you did was terrible, but you are not a pos. I truly mean that. You would be a pos if you were laughing at your husband behind his back today. You would be a pos if you were gaslighting him and keeping secrets from him when he was asking you for answers.
We all make mistakes, but what ultimately defines our character is what we do to correct it.
My husband doesn't know the burrito story. He doesn't want to discuss what happened anymore. Which worries me. He's trying to sweep it under the rug like it didn't happen. But the only thing I know to do is keep telling him that if he has anymore questions I will answer them. If he wants anymore from me, I'll tell him. But the times I've tried to bring it up, he's gotten angry and told me to let it go.
No, his wife doesn't know. I have wanted to tell her, and I've told my husband as much. He doesn't want me exposed. She would expose.
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I don't know that you should go out of your way to force him to hear the burrito story. But dang, it sure triggers me having been in that kind of situation. I'm sure there is much I don't know still, and am thought of as the idiot in the corner by many who do know.
Although for me at this point it doesn't matter, as we are divorcing.
Still, you have offered to tell your husband more, and you have tried to tell him more. He has made it clear he doesn't want to know. Since he doesn't want to know, I think you would be doing the right thing to not spring it on him.
As long as those people are no longer within either of your circles. If they are, they have to be cut out. From my perspective, I don't care what people think if I have no relationship with them.
You can kick yourself for what you did, but be sure to give yourself full credit for the positive things you've done, too.