Affair Helpers and CoHorts - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #16 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-04-2016, 12:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

Pretty much the responses I had expected and really what feels right.

For the record I am a huge believe in NMMNG. That book changed my life in a lot of ways.

I don't see things in quite the same black/white. I go more on my gut which is they shouldn't be involved in my life in any form.

The interesting reaction will be when I tell my wife I won't have her best friend in our lives anymore. I don't care what will happen but it will be interesting to see. Gotta wonder if it loses some of it's value after the years.

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post #17 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-04-2016, 12:43 PM
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Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

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Pretty much the responses I had expected and really what feels right.

For the record I am a huge believe in NMMNG. That book changed my life in a lot of ways.

I don't see things in quite the same black/white. I go more on my gut which is they shouldn't be involved in my life in any form.

The interesting reaction will be when I tell my wife I won't have her best friend in our lives anymore. I don't care what will happen but it will be interesting to see. Gotta wonder if it loses some of it's value after the years.
First and foremost, it's about you. Secondarily, it will be interesting to see what your wife's reaction will be.

This is about respecting you and, if your wife doesn't respect you, she cannot love you.

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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post #18 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-04-2016, 12:50 PM
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Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

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First and foremost, it's about you. Secondarily, it will be interesting to see what your wife's reaction will be.

This is about respecting you and, if your wife doesn't respect you, she cannot love you.
Oh, she could love him very, very much, indeed.

But she might also be incredibly silly, too.

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post #19 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-04-2016, 01:00 PM
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Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

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Oh, she could love him very, very much, indeed.

But she might also be incredibly silly, too.
I'm sorry Matt. I don't know what kind of love that would be, if it isn't associated with respect for him? Lose respect for the man, she loses attraction and love. That's the way I understand it. I wouldn't want a woman who didn't respect me. I wouldn't want to be with a woman I didn't respect. It's that simple for me.
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post #20 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-04-2016, 01:27 PM
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Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

Has it dawned on her best friends husband that his was wife played along because she may be involved in a little hanky panky herself. She obviously thinks it ok to have a little on the side.
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post #21 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-04-2016, 01:36 PM
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Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

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The interesting reaction will be when I tell my wife I won't have her best friend in our lives anymore. I don't care what will happen but it will be interesting to see.

Gotta wonder if it loses some of it's value after the years.
Reminds me of the 1st Fugitive Movie with Tommy Lee Jones, inside the Dam chasing Harrison Ford... "I really don't care!"

I think after you catch your wife EA-PA cheating on you for years on end, being lied to and gas-lighted to friends and family, unknowingly, potentially exposing you to disease... You really think I could give a damn if I say something that gets you upset?

Seriously?

Maybe the first thing any couple in R should do... Print a Emergency Exit map to to the front door and post it throughout the house.

I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living or get busy dying... Andy, Shawshank Redemption.

Last edited by RWB; 07-04-2016 at 01:41 PM.
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post #22 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-04-2016, 03:08 PM
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Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

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I caught communication between this guy and my wife that showed he was a big cheering section for her and advised her to go be with this other man.
I get you reconciled with your wife, but seriously, wtf? You allow this man into your house?

Why is your wife still friends with this dude?

I don't understand folk seriously. Sorry guy, I'm going to duck out of this one.
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post #23 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-04-2016, 03:36 PM
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Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

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Maybe I'm crazy, but if my DH had an affair and invited those who knew of and encouraged the affair to my home, I'd personally tell them they are not welcome in my home and exactly why they are not welcome in my home. And, if DH had a problem with that, he'd be free to leave with them.

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post #24 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-04-2016, 03:45 PM
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Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

You're one of those Mr. nice guys Right... In your story you finally did something that showed her that you were strong at least enough to snap her out of her fog...This is a complete disrespect you by the way on so many levels. She want to strong man in her life. This could set you back.! How dare she even think to even staying friends with this POS shame on you for a week stance on something that you already knew was not right. Seems to me your wife's immersed into her fog Fantasy life. This POS is laughing at you. That would be it for me and I wouldn't physically remove him from my house with extreme prejudice.

OP take back control of your life ASAP get your balls back tell your wife they are not going to be in your life in any capacity. STOP being afraid of her. she's the one that went and had an affair.! she supposed be doing the right things to make things right with you. For all you know he could've been an OM a at one point or another, you know how these cheaters lie.! Don't think for one minute, you absolutely know the whole truth about everything, when it comes to her affair's
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post #25 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-04-2016, 04:00 PM Thread Starter
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Friend and family have been uninvited to the holiday event. I told my wife he is no longer allowed in my house.

Initial response was "He just wanted me to be happy". I also heard she "didn't remember" the few words of support in her endeavors I refreshed her memory on.

I told her what you remember is irrelevant, it's what I remember that's important here. I told her I'd be happy to call his wife and let him know the reason I don't want him at the house. She called shortly after.

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post #26 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-04-2016, 04:04 PM
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Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

That's the way! No craziness, just the way it will be as long as you are in her life. Consequences suck sometimes. Oh well...tough.

Now, suck it up and have a good time with her. That will show you aren't doing it to hurt her, but to set boundaries.

Have a great day Cowboy2!

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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post #27 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-04-2016, 04:06 PM
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Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

OP,
During her A how would you describe your W's character? How would you describe the character of her best friend and that of her co-worker. If her character has truly changed then what does she now have in common with people of such low morality? I would consider this carefully as it may prove to be very important.

Ask yourself why a person who has grown in character would want to associate with those who have not, then ask the same question of yourself.

Peace and long life
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post #28 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-04-2016, 04:16 PM
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Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

I don't think many of them grow. They just find acceptance.

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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post #29 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-04-2016, 04:31 PM
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Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

You did the right thing.....today.

Now, what about tomorrow? If you ever relax the new rule, allow any contact to go without consequence or repercussion you will have lost the ground you gained today.

Remember..its not about her or the other couple...its about what you will tolerate and what you will not tolerate.
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post #30 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-04-2016, 04:37 PM
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Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

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Friend and family have been uninvited to the holiday event. I told my wife he is no longer allowed in my house.

Initial response was "He just wanted me to be happy". I also heard she "didn't remember" the few words of support in her endeavors I refreshed her memory on.

I told her what you remember is irrelevant, it's what I remember that's important here. I told her I'd be happy to call his wife and let him know the reason I don't want him at the house. She called shortly after.
Did she just uninvite them or did she explain to the wife why. If she didn't explain why, it's a job only half done. Without the explanation why, you just look like a controlling jerk, exactly how your wife portrayed during the A.

Tell the wife how her husband supported your W as she cheated on you.

“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
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