Affair Helpers and CoHorts - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

User Tag List

 1136Likes
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #46 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-05-2016, 04:04 AM
Member
 
2ntnuf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 13,989
Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

Quote:
Originally Posted by MattMatt View Post
There are people who can compartmentalise so effectively that it is as if they are two separate people.

Of course, when the cheater spouse and the kind, loving spouse collide for whatever reason there is a terrible kaboom! and then there is the fallout when they realise they are a cheating POS.
Agree. Don't know why I forgot that.


"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
2ntnuf is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #47 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-05-2016, 04:33 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 594
Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

Quote:
Originally Posted by MattMatt View Post
There are people who can compartmentalise so effectively that it is as if they are two separate people.



Of course, when the cheater spouse and the kind, loving spouse collide for whatever reason there is a terrible kaboom! and then there is the fallout when they realise they are a cheating POS.


You know..this is so true. It's like two separate people in one body.
citygirl4344 is offline  
post #48 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-05-2016, 05:43 AM
Member
 
TaDor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,378
Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

In my book, a person "friend" who helps someone to CHEAT, is themselves - a CHEATER or will cheat. Since they see nothing wrong with it.
TaDor is offline  
 
post #49 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-05-2016, 06:31 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: In the fort behind the sofa
Posts: 5,274
Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cowboy2 View Post
Hey all,

Been a while since I've been on here. My wife of 20 + years had an affair that started about 6 years ago. It was on again off again for close to 3 years to one level or another for a variety of reasons, the primary one being I didn't have the balls to take a hard stand against her behavior. When I finally got educated, in large part to TAM, and got my head out of my ass and was ready to walk she woke up out of her fog and for the most part things have been improving in our marriage the last several years. In a weird way the affair made me grow on a personal level in ways I never would have otherwise.

The reason I am posting today is because we are having a 4th of July gathering at our house. A husband, his wife, and their son are coming over. The husband was one of my wife's confidants during the affair. This guy never comes across my radar in day to day life. My wife used to work with him and is friends still with him as well as his wife. I know he thinks I don't like him because of the fact he was my wife's confidant during he affair and he's right. I don't like him. In years past from my wife I got the "it's not that he wanted me to be with the other guy it's that he wanted what's best for me, what makes me happy". And of course the reason for this was my wife painted me as the monster bad guy at home to justify her actions. This guy and his family have been in my house a few times in the last few years and I just ignore him. I caught communication between this guy and my wife that showed he was a big cheering section for her and advised her to go be with this other man. So yeah, I don't like him.

We also do things from time to time with my wife's best friend and her husband. Her best friend helped her a lot during the affair as in helped her communicate with the other man, etc. Again my wife portrayed me as the bad guy which as we all know the wandering spouse is good at doing in order to justify their behavior and get others in their court.

So I don't take many things personally anymore, just no point to it. But I've been thinking it's time to take a stand on having interaction with either of these 2 people who to one degree or another helped my wife with her affair. I know the hard liners will say anyone who helped facilitate an affair should be cut out completely and I understand that. On one level I don't give a crap because it's wasted negative energy but another part of me says I should take a harder stand here.

I'd enjoy hearing others thoughts and experience in this. Thanks in advance and have great holiday.
Nice job. One down, one to go.

Same drill, she makes the call in your presence and cuts this person out of your lives.

“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
Malaise is online now  
post #50 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-05-2016, 08:04 AM
Forum Supporter
 
arbitrator's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Texas/Brazos Valley
Posts: 11,676
Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

This thread has successfully triggered me somewhat!

I see definite similarities with my RSXW and her best friend, who I later found out knew exactly when every "I" was dotted and every "T" was crossed regarding my skanky RSXW sleeping with different men from her past, even in the midst of our marriage!

I know it's not very Christian like, but let's just say that even to this day, I would not take a leak in this two-faced woman's guts, even if she was engulfed in flames! To this very day, I have not seen her since right prior to the "trial separation!"

But if I ever see her again, I plan on verbally unloading on her fat ass right in front of her husband and my RSXW and hers!

Regarding your W's friend, I'd cancel this impending, planned-out little soiree so damned fast that it would make their heads spin!

With friends like these, you damn well don't need enemies!

Posted via Mobile Device

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
arbitrator is online now  
post #51 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-05-2016, 08:29 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Warm in the summer, cold in the winter
Posts: 2,291
Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

Cowboy2

I read your opening post and nothing else. If this has been said please forgive me for duplicating advice. I see some problems here, and they will come back to haunt you. If your wife has kept these people in her life, well, she isn't remorseful. A person who is completely remorseful will feel your pain, they won't try to add more pain to what you already feel. Yes, I used the word try, because your wife is actually trying to hurt you by keeping cheerleaders to her bad choices. Seems she has made another bad choice by keeping communication going even after six years. My take on your wife is she might be regretful of the affair, but I think she is more sorry she was caught then anything.

You might want to reevaluate your reconciliation. You might want to establish new boundaries. At the very least you pull each of these two aside and explain your wife lied, they fell for it, but advising one to gain happiness by cheating is just too ignorant of advice that you can't remain in any form of communication. As you walk them to the door be sure to mention how nice it was that they advised your wife to have an affair to their spouses.

It seems like your wife went to many to justify her affair, by chance has she also told her family she had an affair. If she did, did they also enable her or advise her she should be happy? Just curious.
Posted via Mobile Device

Don't believe everything you hear, and only half of what you see.


Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.
drifting on is offline  
post #52 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-05-2016, 08:38 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: In the fort behind the sofa
Posts: 5,274
Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

Quote:
Originally Posted by drifting on View Post
Cowboy2

I read your opening post and nothing else. If this has been said please forgive me for duplicating advice. I see some problems here, and they will come back to haunt you. If your wife has kept these people in her life, well, she isn't remorseful. A person who is completely remorseful will feel your pain, they won't try to add more pain to what you already feel. Yes, I used the word try, because your wife is actually trying to hurt you by keeping cheerleaders to her bad choices. Seems she has made another bad choice by keeping communication going even after six years. My take on your wife is she might be regretful of the affair, but I think she is more sorry she was caught then anything.

You might want to reevaluate your reconciliation. You might want to establish new boundaries. At the very least you pull each of these two aside and explain your wife lied, they fell for it, but advising one to gain happiness by cheating is just too ignorant of advice that you can't remain in any form of communication. As you walk them to the door be sure to mention how nice it was that they advised your wife to have an affair to their spouses.

It seems like your wife went to many to justify her affair, by chance has she also told her family she had an affair. If she did, did they also enable her or advise her she should be happy? Just curious.
Posted via Mobile Device
Read this well.

“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
Malaise is online now  
post #53 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-05-2016, 09:21 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Warm in the summer, cold in the winter
Posts: 2,291
Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

Quote:
Originally Posted by MattMatt View Post
There are people who can compartmentalise so effectively that it is as if they are two separate people.

Of course, when the cheater spouse and the kind, loving spouse collide for whatever reason there is a terrible kaboom! and then there is the fallout when they realise they are a cheating POS.


This is probably the best way I can describe what happened to my wife, and as a husband, watching this happen is very ugly. The person you once loved with all your body and mind crashes right in front of you. It's like watching in slow motion and being unable to help in any way. Even if you no longer love this person, if you have kids you don't want this to happen to one of their parents. Watching the realization of their actions is painful, in my wife's case this nearly destroyed her, realizing she had become what she once hated with venom.
Posted via Mobile Device

Don't believe everything you hear, and only half of what you see.


Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.
drifting on is offline  
post #54 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-05-2016, 10:06 AM
Moderator
 
MattMatt's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: England
Posts: 19,505
Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

Quote:
Originally Posted by drifting on View Post
This is probably the best way I can describe what happened to my wife, and as a husband, watching this happen is very ugly. The person you once loved with all your body and mind crashes right in front of you. It's like watching in slow motion and being unable to help in any way. Even if you no longer love this person, if you have kids you don't want this to happen to one of their parents. Watching the realization of their actions is painful, in my wife's case this nearly destroyed her, realizing she had become what she once hated with venom.
Posted via Mobile Device
The same thing happened to Morituri.

His wife's evil POS drug dealing lover sent a video of him and his wife having sex to their Myspace account.

He accidentally found it, was sobbing his heart out when his wife returned home.

When she saw what he was watching she began being violently sick.

She eventually had a nervous breakdown caused by her two worlds colliding.
Posted via Mobile Device


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
(Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
MattMatt is online now  
post #55 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-05-2016, 10:48 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 4,263
Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

Quote:
Originally Posted by arbitrator View Post
This thread has successfully triggered me somewhat!

I see definite similarities with my RSXW and her best friend, who I later found out knew exactly when every "I" was dotted and every "T" was crossed regarding my skanky RSXW sleeping with different men from her past, even in the midst of our marriage!

I know it's not very Christian like, but let's just say that even to this day, I would not take a leak in this two-faced woman's guts, even if she was engulfed in flames! To this very day, I have not seen her since right prior to the "trial separation!"

But if I ever see her again, I plan on verbally unloading on her fat ass right in front of her husband and my RSXW and hers!

Regarding your W's friend, I'd cancel this impending, planned-out little soiree so damned fast that it would make their heads spin!

With friends like these, you damn well don't need enemies!

Posted via Mobile Device
What is RSXW? Never seen that one.

sokillme is offline  
post #56 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-05-2016, 10:55 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 4,263
Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

Quote:
Originally Posted by drifting on View Post
This is probably the best way I can describe what happened to my wife, and as a husband, watching this happen is very ugly. The person you once loved with all your body and mind crashes right in front of you. It's like watching in slow motion and being unable to help in any way. Even if you no longer love this person, if you have kids you don't want this to happen to one of their parents. Watching the realization of their actions is painful, in my wife's case this nearly destroyed her, realizing she had become what she once hated with venom.
Posted via Mobile Device
You act like she got bit by something that made her go temperately insane. Don't agree, a WS who could do this always had it in their character. Maybe they just didn't have opportunity or motive. Better to truly see them for what they are not romanticize them as some victim of the actions that they chose.
sokillme is offline  
post #57 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-05-2016, 10:57 AM
Moderator
 
MattMatt's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: England
Posts: 19,505
Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

Of course it is possible that his wife may not understand how hurtful her behaviour Is.

"But, she would have to be dumber than a box of rocks NOT to understand!"

Well there can be no guarantee of smartness in other people, can there? Not even in ourselves for that matter.

I am sure if it were explained to her she would be positively mortified.
Posted via Mobile Device


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
(Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
MattMatt is online now  
post #58 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-05-2016, 11:01 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 4,263
Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

Quote:
Originally Posted by MattMatt View Post
There are people who can compartmentalise so effectively that it is as if they are two separate people.

Of course, when the cheater spouse and the kind, loving spouse collide for whatever reason there is a terrible kaboom! and then there is the fallout when they realise they are a cheating POS.
Nah, they are just really good at lying and deceiving people. They are adulterers, they are charlatans by nature and the ones that are good at it have had years of practice at it, maybe not with affairs but in other areas of their life. It's not like they have split personalities. Any time you believe one you are taking a risk.
sokillme is offline  
post #59 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-05-2016, 11:03 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 4,263
Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

Quote:
Originally Posted by MattMatt View Post
The same thing happened to Morituri.

His wife's evil POS drug dealing lover sent a video of him and his wife having sex to their Myspace account.

He accidentally found it, was sobbing his heart out when his wife returned home.

When she saw what he was watching she began being violently sick.

She eventually had a nervous breakdown caused by her two worlds colliding.
Posted via Mobile Device
Or she got caught and couldn't deal with the consequences of her actions.
sokillme is offline  
post #60 of 511 (permalink) Old 07-05-2016, 11:06 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 4,263
Re: Affair Helpers and CoHorts

Quote:
Originally Posted by arbitrator View Post
I know it's not very Christian like
Thieves in the temple man, thieves in the temple.
sokillme is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome