I want to address this as it gives me something to think about in a new way. I would say during her A she was in a very strange place. She has had depression to varying levels for many years. She has taken anti-depressants for a few years now and it's made a big difference. She was incredible self-involved during this time. She doesn't see her best friend in a way that she promoted the affair. She sees her best friend as someone that will have her back (and the other way around) no matter what.
I would say my wife did not do the full on drop to her knees type remorse mode. She knows what she did was incredibly wrong and hurtful and has made and continues to make ongoing strong effort in rebuilding the marriage. She knows she destroyed trust on a deep level and that full trust will never be restored. It's not possible after the person you feel should be there for you through thick and thin gaslights you to your face in order to get another fix.
So would you say that she has FULL and complete remorse, Cowboy?
I went back and read your old thread.
When you stopped posting, she was FAR from remorseful.....and in fact you were not even quite sure if you knew the full extent of what had even occurred in the A.
And in your first post in this update, you mentioned that the A lasted for 6 years 'at varying levels'......that is far longer than what you believed when you first came here.
Were the extra years because the A continued until relatively recently?
Or did you discover it had started a lot earlier?
In other words, is she relatively recently remorseful and you have just begun R?.....or has R been in process for a while now?
If R has been going on for a good time now, it is more disturbing IMO that she was keeping these people around.....that would seem to me that she was really stalled in her remorse and working on her issues, like she felt she has done enough because she feels your M is 'fixed' now and she has no more work to do.
Are you sure that her remorse is not only the appearance of being enough to keep you from filing for D?
Has she ever been COMPLETELY honest about the details and extent of her betrayal?.....or did/does she continue to hide this info from you, and leave you with questions as to what really went on?