MAKINGSENSEOFIT

It doesn't make it right but I believe that most infidelity is born out of overall troubles in marriage. That being said I think most of us make the mistake of not setting boundries at the start of our marriages. At the very least there are things that should be talked about at the start and during the course of the marriage. What happens is that most of us are so caught up in the newlywed bliss at the start we never think about what could be down the road.

Same Sex Friendships: Being realistic I don't think we can ever tell our spouse from the onset that you can never have a friend of the opposite sex. That being said to me there should be boundries when you're married. It would always be best if you're friends with this person as well. If that's not the case it should certainly be required that you know about this person. I'm not talking about casual people they are around at work. If the person of the opposite sex is a true friend then you should know about them. I see far too many stories on here where these "friendships" are uncovered by chance and usually when the spouse and this person are involved in an inappropriate relationship of some kind.

Social Lives: Within a marriage we all need space at times and the need to go out with friends and have time to yourself is necessary. A huge no no of course would be going out alone with a member of the opposite sex. I don't care if this person is a good friend and you're just grabbing some lunch together during work. It's inappropriate and any outsider who might see you and the other person would view it that way. I personally dealt with the situation of after work happy hours where guys and girls get together. In my opinion if you want to get together with the girls for a drink or with the guys for a beer then fine. I don't think married people should be getting together with a group that includes members of the opposite sex unless you're included.

Texting: This to me has become a huge problem within marriages. Spouses who are more into their phones than what's going on around them. How many cases have we read on here about a spouse finding an abnormal amount of texts between their wife and a guy or their husband and a girl? I read a story on here this morning about someone's wife texting some guy 100 times a day. This is not only inappropriate but the spouse knows darn well this is wrong.


The Marriage: Overall the marriage should always be the most important thing. Your friendship with some guy or some girl shouldn't be more important than your marriage or your spouses feelings. If your spouse says well I didn't tell you about him or her because I didn't want you to get angry, suspicious, or envious well they answer their own question about inappropriateness right there. Like I said at the start I don't think we can say to someone you can never be friends with a member of the opposite sex but I think in far too many cases these so called friendships cause more problems than anything else.

I'mAllIn

I could not agree with you more about boundaries. Before we got married H and I talked about whether we wanted children and where we wanted to live and all of our other desires for our married life, but we never discussed boundaries. We didn't do that until my H crossed the line. So much heartache could have been avoided.

MAKINGSENSEOFIT

True but like I said at the beginning of a marriage nobody is thinking about these things. I think it's just good advice experienced folks can pass on and hopefully someone will benefit from.

desert-rose

WH and I talked about ALL of those things before we got married. I was very clear with what was and wasn't acceptable for me. However, he found a way to do it all secretly and now he's lying about it, despite proof, and denying that things are the way they seem.

I agree that having a strong understanding about how to behave in some of those situations is important...but, sometimes, you don't know if your spouse truly does value the marriage as much as they claim to and sometimes, you don't know if the spouse is going to give up personal privileges to protect that marriage.

However, it's good advice for people to discuss those things prior to getting married and also keeping an eye out for transgressive behavior about those things!