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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 11-10-2011, 10:22 AM   #196 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.

Cutting to the chase, you don’t have many options. About three.
1. You can kick your wife, the mother of your children, out like the Wednesday trash.
2. You can stay with her but meanwhile constantly reminding her that she is garbage. Excuse me, soiled.
3. Finally, you can get counseling and try to forgive her and move forward.
Remember, “But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
You really want to go there?
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Old 11-10-2011, 10:36 AM   #197 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.

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Finally: I've gone out with alot of different women in the past, of many nationalities, attitudes, beliefs, etc and what I found in all, was who can be to me, my best friend! Who will stand by my side during hardships, struggles, moments of doubt? Who shall infuse strength in me besides God, when I am at my lowest? She did not come to me unblemished! She was not as I pictured her to be?
I assume you slept with some of them? If so, therein lies the underlying difference between him and you. Then I could say that your position was born out of justification of your past actions.

Last edited by aug; 11-10-2011 at 10:46 AM.
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Old 11-10-2011, 10:46 AM   #198 (permalink)
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2. I am also God Fearing Man, my faith runs real deep yet I have seen 1st hand my so called brothers and sisters in christ! comment the worst of sins under the sun! Especially those surrounding sexual morals and ethics. You are the one with too many issues, not your Wife??. A Virgin??? Your wife is not Mary! what on earth is wrong with you?? The simple fact of her being a virgin only means, she is that less experienced and God forbid has only known sexual bliss from only one man. Not, as if that is a bad thing but I would want my wife to be somewhat balanced.
In other words, you are a God fearing man who believes that the Biblical injunction against premarital sex should be ignored? Do you have a long list of Biblical precepts which you advocate ignoring? Are you counting on God's mercy to forgive you for ignoring his commands?

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7. I don't know your faith, catholic, seventh day advent, Baptist, Methodist, Non Denominational or Mormon? It would help me if I knew the foundation your reasoning rest upon, because obviously it has nothing to do with forgiveness! Just Ego, like you are without some sort of Sin? I've seen this behavior before, The I have sinned, but not that kinda of Sin? Excuse. Sin is Sin, Broken fellowship with God is broken fellowship, but its not forever, hell! some are restored the same day the offense is made.
I must have missed the post where the OP stated he was without sin. I know he was a virgin when he married, which is the standard he is using now to judge his wife. That doesn't seem hypocritical to me. Do you think any particular denomination(s) advocate or dismiss premarital sex as a sin? Are you a Unitarian?

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I am assured that God placed your wife in your path to meet your needs, Pray that your are lucky she still decides to hear fathers voice.
Does that mean that the Holy Spirit encouraged her to have premarital sex and lie to her husband about it? Do you think the Holy Spirit would frequently use sin for such a higher purpose?

Just a few questions. You did, after all, encourage responses.
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Old 11-10-2011, 10:50 AM   #199 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.

Why would you commit the sin that you are so against in your wife? Destroying your own moral principles is not a way to make yourself a better person.
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Old 11-10-2011, 12:10 PM   #200 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.

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Cutting to the chase, you don’t have many options. About three.
1. You can kick your wife, the mother of your children, out like the Wednesday trash.
2. You can stay with her but meanwhile constantly reminding her that she is garbage. Excuse me, soiled.
3. Finally, you can get counseling and try to forgive her and move forward.
Remember, “But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
You really want to go there?


There is a 4th option. You can cheat on her with 8 women. The problem of course is that you would be throwing all your religious values and principles out the window and becoming a 'soiled' man in the process. Not to mention your marriage would almost certainly come to an end and you'll end up seeing your daughters 4 times a month. You'll have your revenge affairs but at what price?
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Old 11-10-2011, 01:30 PM   #201 (permalink)
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There is a 4th option. You can cheat on her with 8 women. The problem of course is that you would be throwing all your religious values and principles out the window and becoming a 'soiled' man in the process. Not to mention your marriage would almost certainly come to an end and you'll end up seeing your daughters 4 times a month. You'll have your revenge affairs but at what price?
when i said cheat, i didnt really mean it, i was trying to be sarcastic because many people here where justifying her actions of premarital sex which is a deal breaker with me. You see when a guy lies say about liking hes girlfriend shoes, shel get over it when he tels the truth, but a physical,intimate exchange of fluids and emotions is not easy to get over with.
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Old 11-10-2011, 01:40 PM   #202 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.

Do not cheat! Your wife may have lied, but she did not commit adultery. When your wife slept with those men, she was not married to you and probably didn't even know you. She did not have sex with the intent to hurt you. If you have sex with one of her friends, you'd be committing adultery with the intent to hurt your wife. In my opinion, a far greater sin than having pre-marital sex and lying about it.

By having sex with one of her friends, you would be showing a lack of character, morals, and grace. It would be far from showing forgiveness for your wife's sins, so she should not feel compelled to offer forgiveness to you either.

My husband broke our marriage vows, so in my mind if I wanted to cheat . . I could. My vows are broken. But I am not a vindicative person who wants to hurt others, even those that have hurt me. I do not believe that's the type of person God wants me to be. Betrayal hurts like no other pain I've known, but by giving into it and becoming something ugly is not rising up to the challenges in life. If God wanted you to learn something from this experience, I highly doubt it's "get even" by breaking one the commandments.

I see my husband's betrayal as a way to improve myself and my relationships. I refuse to become a shell of the person I was prior to d-day, if anything I want to be far better. Yes I'm still hurt and of course I have thoughts of "getting even", but that's not the kind of person I was raised to be. My H's affair may have stolen my innocence and ability to trust, but it will not change my moral character.

Think long and hard before you decide to lash out in your hurt and anger. Intent even plays a role in the courts. Take manslaughter vs murder for example, the one with intent is judged and sentenced far more harshly.
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Old 11-10-2011, 01:41 PM   #203 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.

Just saw your post about not meaning it with the cheating . . . very relieved you weren't serious.
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Old 11-10-2011, 02:30 PM   #204 (permalink)
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Just saw your post about not meaning it with the cheating . . . very relieved you weren't serious.
am glad you cought my drift, when people are hurt and down thats when the devil pushes you to do wrong.
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Old 11-10-2011, 03:01 PM   #205 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.

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Do not cheat! Your wife may have lied, but she did not commit adultery. When your wife slept with those men, she was not married to you and probably didn't even know you. She did not have sex with the intent to hurt you. If you have sex with one of her friends, you'd be committing adultery with the intent to hurt your wife. In my opinion, a far greater sin than having pre-marital sex and lying about it.

By having sex with one of her friends, you would be showing a lack of character, morals, and grace. It would be far from showing forgiveness for your wife's sins, so she should not feel compelled to offer forgiveness to you either.

My husband broke our marriage vows, so in my mind if I wanted to cheat . . I could. My vows are broken. But I am not a vindicative person who wants to hurt others, even those that have hurt me. I do not believe that's the type of person God wants me to be. Betrayal hurts like no other pain I've known, but by giving into it and becoming something ugly is not rising up to the challenges in life. If God wanted you to learn something from this experience, I highly doubt it's "get even" by breaking one the commandments.

I see my husband's betrayal as a way to improve myself and my relationships. I refuse to become a shell of the person I was prior to d-day, if anything I want to be far better. Yes I'm still hurt and of course I have thoughts of "getting even", but that's not the kind of person I was raised to be. My H's affair may have stolen my innocence and ability to trust, but it will not change my moral character.

Think long and hard before you decide to lash out in your hurt and anger. Intent even plays a role in the courts. Take manslaughter vs murder for example, the one with intent is judged and sentenced far more harshly.
Yea - agreed with Saffron here. Hate to say this, but while God paints any sin with the same disdain, the bible does go alot easier on fornication as opposed to adultery. there is a BIG difference here.
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Old 11-10-2011, 04:38 PM   #206 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.

I spoke to my christian elders, and i have been advised to take some time to cool down and not to make any decision while angry.
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Old 11-10-2011, 05:23 PM   #207 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.

Wise people. I'm glad you talked to them.
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Old 11-10-2011, 06:32 PM   #208 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.

I think I have read every post but maybe I missed something....I read where the OP is of the christain belief. But I have not read what country they live in. If America,then I can't help wondering about something. I presume they married at not a really young age? I presume the OP grew up in America??? Maybe not?
My point is,if he grew up in America with our culture being the way it is,why is he so sensitive about her sex before marriage as to call it a 'deal breaker'.? Is the real problem her lies -OR- her having sex before him? Sorry but I just don't get it if he grew up in America as to why he is so upset at this as to call it a "deal breaker". Was it the lie she told or the sex she had that is really eating at him? Uh..he has told lies before himself. So if it's the sex...I am now trying to figure out his psyche and why this is such an extreme point of view he has displayed that it is something so severly extreme and I am wondering why...does it have anything to do with his past or the way he views women in general or geesh who knows. It just doesn't seem normal to me. This seems to go much much deeper than him wanting to marry a virgin. Why??? What is driving that desire to be so great? I mean,if you do a poll and ask American men if this is as important to them as it is him...you would get very few if any people with the extreme view that he has displayed here. It doesn't seem normal to the extent he has taken it. And,how many American girls are going to be virgin even at the age of...20 for example? It's just me not understanding this mans mind and not me attacking his beliefs.What man wouldn't want to marry a virgin that has never told a lie? I hope he doesn't hate women that have had sex outside of marriage for some weird reason. I don't know?

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Old 11-10-2011, 07:47 PM   #209 (permalink)
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Sorry but I just don't get it if he grew up in America as to why he is so upset at this as to call it a "deal breaker".
He grew up a Christian. Christian children are told to abstain from sex until after marriage. This became very important to the OP. Nowhere in the Bible does it say to abstain from premarital sex, unless you live in America.

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And,how many American girls are going to be virgin even at the age of...20 for example?
Not many. I think it's admirable that the OP decided that he would significantly narrow his field of eligible brides right off the bat. Just for religious conviction.
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Old 11-10-2011, 07:58 PM   #210 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.

I agree with Pht,. What the heck does living in America(btw, Mexico, Canada, are also in America), have to do with Christian abiding by the 7th commandment?
And, I really do not think it is all that rare for one to be a virgin past 20 or that it is such a rarity that you would not find many people who value virginity. There are plenty of people that hold these values qand adhere to them.
Agai, however, the validity or popularity of his value in this area is not the issue. The fact it that his wife lied to him and caused him to make an uninformed decision. She took control of a decision which was his to make. That is terribly disrespectful.
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