Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.
Well, in this day of age, seeking a virgin seems a bit too conservative, but then again, there are people who seem OK with open marriage and swapping, and there are people who try to hang on to the extreme end of conservatism and purity. So, I respect and understand your sentiment. I think your premise of marriage with your W has been found to be based on deceit.
Frankly, you are screwed now, since I know you cannot divorce her because of this, and your W knows this too. There is not much you can do other than some apologies you can get out of her. Beyond that, I don't know what you can do.
Her past sexual partners were people you have been interacting without knowing hurts very much as well. Although I never sought a virgin, if I had found out my W led me to interact with people she had sex with without telling me, I would be enraged and humiliated as well. In your case, the hurt would be much much worse.
No answer here. You just have to suck it up, I guess. Sorry.
Just because a thief has not stolen in years doesn't absolve him/her from facing the consequences of the past.
And why should he not feel this way? When we (male and female) were betrayed, weren't there times that we also compared ourselves to our cheating spouses lovers? Not only that but she has continued being friends with previous lovers unbeknownst to him who they were to begin with.
Just like in affairs, it is not just the sex with a lover that hurts but more so the lies and deception to his/her betrayed spouse which causes him/her the most painful injury.
I agree with all but just like an affair, take step back and look at big picture and if fixable. Decide what she can do if anything to fix it. If the 12 years were good, aren't they worth exploring if repairable before pulling plug? If pulling plug is even an option based on OP's beliefs. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.
I think he would be more amanble to forgiving, had she come to him and admitted the lie and asked for forgiveness.
As someone mentioned, living that lie all this time also speaks volumes about her, in additon to the initial lying.
It was terribly wrong and selfish of her to have done this. There is no obligation to extend the gift of forgiveness.
Is she remorseful at all?
Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.
Ya know, I think I can empathize with the OP. I would feel fooled too, knowing now that the men she slept with are mutual friends. How awkward. Now he not only knows she slept with others before marriage but he knows WHO THEY ARE. I think that's worse.
On a personal note, my father was a cad (RIP) and had 2 children older than myself that I still have never met. My mother believed I was his first child. That she was his first marriage. Wrong. I found out one night from my dad when he and I went drinking (I was 21). I was shocked. I was mortified. I never told my mom. Why? Because that would make her whole marriage a lie. EVEN THOUGH they divorced, I couldn't burst that bubble for her.
So, to the OP...i feel for you, I really do. I also hope, in time, that things can be smoothed out.
Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.
I love how ppl tell the op to abandon his values because they themselves do not hold them and further because it means that they too would fall from this ideal.
The op believes what he does, has compassion for women who were raped and would marry one if he fell in love with them. His wife knew his values and lied to get him. That is horribly selfish and unloving. But what bothers me most is that others who are far less important knew what her husband did not.
She needs religious counselling, not him.
And as far as values are concerned, I thought on this forum, ppl would understand how much deception hurts. Being deceived into marriage is horrible to experience. I'm seeing that a lot of people can't see someone else's pain if it involves conviction. I find that ironic since so called liberals give everything else a pass and say to each his own except in such cases. Lying and marriage do not go together. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.
Forgiving her is going to be a long process, til then i dont want her near me for now. People say the past makes you who you are, i believe the past is there to remind us where we come from. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by shocs12
to me its all the same, isnt infedelity decieving,lying? Thats how i feel. She betrayed my trust, she is selfish. Posted via Mobile Device
I think you're seriously over reacting.
While I`ve already stated that the lie she is guilty of is understandably a deal breaker for you, to state that her sex life before you were involved constitutes infidelity is overly dramatic.
Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me. 
