My wife and i have been married for 12 years, the trust i had in her is gone. I am a religous man who believes in virginity till marriage and when i met my wife she new all about my faith. After a month of getting to know her a bit i told her i was a virgin and wanted to marry a virgin woman. I told her there women who i know where raped or defiled who i would marry if they kept pure till marriage. Well she said she was a virgin and 2 years got married, she told me earliar that she broke her hymen cheerleading. Fast forward two kids and a happy marriage, but she was so uneasy around her friends when they visited, then one day her best friend blurted out how wonderful it was for me to have a partner with so much experience especially that i was a virgin. I was numb when i heard that, now i cant even look at my wife i dont eat her food am just in limbo. Has any gotten through such? I havent slept with her in over a month. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.
I'm in direct opposition with your beliefs about no sex until marriage as it's just far too problematic in a relationship bound to have enough problems already.
(this OP and dozens of others are evidence of this fact)
However, she intentionally lied to secure your commitment.
It would be understandable if this were a deal breaker for you.
I advise trying to work it out however. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.
I have my beliefs and they have helped me make decisions that where good for my health. I cant get past the imagery of her acts. I keep thinking did she do this with them. Its so unfair because i was truthful to her and i let her make her decision of continuing our relationship then. But she never gave me the same option. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.
Since you are a religious man, I would recommend that you talk to a religious marital counselor to advise you on how to proceed based on the teachings of your religion. This forum may not be able to provide the answers that you seek because of its secular nature.
Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.
Everyone except Christ was and will aways be defiled from conception. No matter how holy you think you have been or think that you are...you will never be (in this world) nothing more than a corrupt sinner guilty of breaking the entire and whole law of God! If you can't forgive your wife then how do you think that God can forgive you?
You might get torched with this thread.
I understand that you now have a reason to have lost trust but we are not under the law but under grace and you have the obligation because of Christs example to forgive your wife for that lie. Brother she wasn't pure and neither are you and neither am I.
You sound to be either very young or very dogmatic and on a 'holiness' kick. Either way my friend you have alot of wakeing up to do and a hard life ahead of you if you can't except that your wife wasn't a virgin before marriage as she told you.
I understand you being hurt though as I was under the impression that I married a virgin at the age of 19. But oh my what has transpired since then now has me looking back and thinking how foolish I was to want a Godly woman that would be and remain my virgin till death do us part and stake my heart and soul on anothers purity and Godly living. 'Welcome to my world...won't you come on in...' the old song says.Lol.
Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bartimaus
Everyone except Christ was and will aways be defiled from conception. No matter how holy you think you have been or think that you are...you will never be (in this world) nothing more than a corrupt sinner guilty of breaking the entire and whole law of God! If you can't forgive your wife then how do you think that God can forgive you?
Wow.
While I don't adhere to the original poster's views, the issue is this: he was lied to. This was a foundation of his marriage, which he now learned that is shattered.
What are you more upset about, the lying wife or the poster seeking help?
Shocs - I imagine that this is a relatively known issue within religious denominations. There could be counseling material that focuses on this issue specifically, from a religouis-based counseling group.
While I don't adhere to the original poster's views, the issue is this: he was lied to. This was a foundation of his marriage, which he now learned that is shattered.
What are you more upset about, the lying wife or the poster seeking help?
Shocs - I imagine that this is a relatively known issue within religious denominations. There could be counseling material that focuses on this issue specifically, from a religouis-based counseling group.
I think poster's point was 'let thee who has not sinned cast the first stone'.
It's a shock, deception and shakes you to the core. What kind of wife has she been for the marriage? Is she a good mom? Faithful? Loving? What does she say about her past? Is she willing to come clean? Let the shock wear off and speak with a counselor.
I do respect your values, but maybe look at the bigger picture. Who she has gorwn to be.
On another note, what a crass friend to discuss that. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.
Maybe you should look into Focus on the Family online forums for more helpful support. In my opinion, the issue is deceipt, and no more. The woman wanted to be with you, and made a lie of omission. That is a powerful thing, knowing that her motivation was only to be with you. From the moment you came into her life, all thoughts of the past get pushed behind. Please don't let insecurities ruin a good thing. Speak to a pastoral counselor.
Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.
Do you think it's something that will go away with time? That feeling of betrayal? I ask because it's been 12 years ...how has the marriage been? I don't know why she lied to you about her virginity--- you must be pretty awesome She really wanted to keep you.
I can understand how you feel though. I hate being lied to. It's a big deal to me. I really hope you can work through this emotionally and with your wife.
Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.
Maybe its a good idea just to stick to the deceipt that went on. To some people of religion, having sex with another person in a prior relationship is marriage in God's eyes. While I really, really hope and believe that isn't true (I can't even remember the names of more than a couple of them), it really isn't the point of the thread.
Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.
Shocs, if there is one near you, I'd try browsing through a religious bookstore. One near me has a relationship section, perhaps you could find something to begin reading through.
Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.
I do not agree with your views but I respect them. The bottom line is that you married her under false pretenses. She deliberately lied to you. You have a core belief belief system and she was dishonest to you. She was very foolish to believe that it would not be found out.
What has your wife now told you about her past? What do you plan to do?
Re: My wife the liar, how could she do this to me.
Ask her to apologize. Then decide if you can forgive her. You are learning that life is not black and white, but full of shades of gray. If you two can work past this, your marriage will be stronger than ever.
If you can learn to forgive, you will understand the true meaning of being a Christian.
My wife the liar, how could she do this to me. 
She really wanted to keep you. 
