Paranoid

New here & just need someone else’s opinion to see if I’m over reacting
A little background. We're in our mid 40’s & have been married 18 years & have one daughter in college.
I consider ourselves happily married & have a great sex life for the most part.
My wife is a reporter & has a anonymous source on the inside for a story she has been working on for several months. He is a ranking police officer ,Our age & married with a couple young kids.
Well the stories have been written & unless something else new comes up it’s done & over. Here’s where I have the Issue.
Since about August until now our phone records show between 1900-2000 texts between the two & 4-5 hours’ worth of phone calls.
I asked her about this & got the response that I was spying on her & I don’t trust her.
She says & this is a quote “geez - we have become friends through all this, but i know he's happily married with two little kids. it's not like he can talk to too many other people about this, and i can only talk to you about it.”
Am I just being paranoid & jealous ? Or should I have reason to be concerned?

that_girl

I would be concerned. That is excessive. I don't even think I text my husband that much or my girlfriends! (and we text a LOT).

I don't think you're being paranoid either. When you confronted her, she said you were spying on her and didn't trust her...as if she knows you shouldn't. If this was me (and it was innocent) I wouldn't get angry at my husband for asking me about it. She got defensive because she has something to hide, IMO.

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Entropy3000

Yup. Be very concerned.

bryanp

If the roles were reversed do you think she would be accepting as you have been. You should be very concerned. Your wife is in an emotional affair which could lead to a physical affair. You should contact the OM's wife and tell her what is going on.

ing

The fact she accused you of spying in her is a very big red flag. She now sees you as an outsider to something.
It is a lot of texts.
Tell her you are uncomfortable with it.
Ask her about it anyway.
She will probably try and deflect and call you a control freak
She will probably get angry at your spying.


It is getting mighty close to an Emotional Affair if it isn't already.
Set boundaries and be a little tough. He is now the Alpha male. You are beta. You need to man up and be Alpha now. She needs you to do this. Do it now.

Eli-Zor

Call his wife and let her know what you know , if your wife declines to cease contact let the know that his superiors will not be please to hear that they may be in an affair and the hours of texting suggests it.

Smile when you say it and walk away .
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ReasonableMan

Several years ago my wife was spending too much time (in my opinion) with a younger male co-worker. I brought up the issue and stuck with it. She dropped the friendship with this guy without thinking twice and it really turned out to be nothing. A while later she admitted that she liked his attention and that it was probably a good thing I was "paranoid" about it all.

Point is, there's nothing wrong with being a little paranoid if it protects your marriage. If it bothers you that she's texting so much, then tell her. If he's just a friend, she should have no problem dropping him if she knows it bothers you. If she won't do that knowing that it would mean something to you, then there's a problem to be addressed whether or not she's actually doing anything wrong.

sadcalifornian

The relationship between a reporter and a policeman? In such relationship, a female reporter would try to be in good light with the police officer to get the scoops and what not. If the boundary is not held well, the relationship can easily slide down to an inappropriate one. With that many txt/phone calls, your suspicion is well founded.

Install a keylogger and plant a VAR in her car. With that much communications between the two, I am sure you will pick up something revealing. In the meantime, do not address the issue with her anymore as she may take it deeper underground.

And, find the contact info on OM's W in case you decide to contact her down the line. Right now, you may not have enough ammunition to present your case to her. However, if nothing turns up, I think you should still contact OMW at some point to share your concern and seek her support to watch their activities.

cb45

i agree with R.M.'s cheap n easy solution/advice....for now. lets see what she says, & just
as importantly...DOES...after u share yer request(s) with her.

keep us posted/informed. i pray the best.

K.K.

I would absolutely be concerned. My husband was texting like crazy for over a week when his EM/PA came to light. My college age son became suspicious and started some checking. My husband said he was texting friend. What could she possible have to say? Why so many text messages? It doesn't add up. You have every right to ask and she has a responsibility to tell you what's going on. That's what marriage is....responsibility to each other.

Arnold

Agree with the others. The texting is way excessive. And, even more key is the defensive reaction. NO loving, innocent spouse reacts like that.
Tell this guy's wife, asap.

Shaggy

Yep too much energy is being put into their relationship.
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the guy

Yep be concerned, and its time for GPS and VAR stuff. If her cell is synic with the computor you may able to get those text.

MrK

Her reaction would concern me more than anything.

TRy

Almost every single cheater when confronted about an affair partner will tell you that they are "only friends". Tell her that the friendship makes you uncomfortable and ask her as her husband to break it off. Tell her that it is important to you that she does this and that you will be watching to see what she does. Her response will speak volumes.