EHuntIMF

I will try to confirm if he is single or not. I just went through all of the phone records a little bit more closely and discovered that the times I was in class or the nights she missed church because "she wasn't feeling well" She was on the phone with him All I keep thinking about is having another opportunity to look through her phone for evidence and its killing me. for the past month she has been cold with me. no affection, no hugs, nothing! One of my friends have told me to go ahead and prepare for the fallout if I do discover evidence. The pain is horrible and I still have to go to class tonight, another opportunity to be on the phone with him! She is no longer the person I married....its almost like she's an alien. What is she thinking????

Almostrecovered

get a VAR for tonight!!

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Shamwow

EHunt - man I'm sorry, where you're at sounds very familiar and it's hell.

You're gonna lose sleep so don't even worry about that for now. VARs...now. Get one today if you can (you can get one for 30 bucks at Best Buy or Target), Take 5 mins to test it, then press record and tape it under a chair or behind a dresser where she most likely will be talking on the phone.

Meantime, with an older Samsung you prob won't be able to get any deleted texts from the past, so as soon as you can start getting the new ones the better. I also don't think spyware will work if she doesn't have a smartphone, so you'll have to keep being covert and grabbing her phone when you can. If her phone has a "forward text" option you can send them to yourself each time you grab it (google the model number for the manual). If you can't forward, I'd just take a picture of the screen of her phone with a camera and start recording them that way.

Since she's gaming, she's prob messaging on the computer while playing, so a key logger will do you a lot of good. Install one now! Come home early from work or at lunch or whatever if you need extra time to make sure it's installed. If she notices it just claim its spyware (not a lie, as they can be installed by accident by many websites that you visit).

I think the VAR is your best bet in the short term, as far as getting the state of the union with where she's at. Do NOT confront the OM yet. Have you tried calling his number from a pay phone to hear if he says his name in the voicemail greeting? You can also hire a PI to get his full name, address and marital status (from just the ph number), though it will cost between $300-600 depending on how hard it is for them. If he is married, get her name and number from the PI as well. Expensive, but trust me, it made all the difference for me to know he was married and have a contact number and name for his W.

Wish you luck, please keep us informed, more than glad to help in any way we can...again sorry you're in this sh*tstorm, it will not be easy. Stay strong and start implementing 180 and continuing to take are of your preparations (sounds like you're on the ball so far).
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Dadof3

The padawan has become the master. I bow.

Almostrecovered

it's like watching your son hit his first home run

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Newbies please read this
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Dadof3

Yea - thats the ticket!

Shamwow

Oh, and prob goes without saying, but a word of warning. What you hear her say and read in her texts will most likely be shocking and painful. Probably stuff about you and how crappy your marriage is, how boring you are, how in satisfying you are, the whole ball of wax. Try not to take it to heart, because it sounds like she's deep in te fog and really believes these things at the moment, in order to justify her behavior to herself (and OM). He can do no wrong and is he focus of her life right now. You can break her out of it (whatever the result for your marriage) and I have a feeling you will. I know I could hardly stand to look at my stbxw or watch TV or whatever, once I knew what she was saying to OM, about him, about herself (your W will be talking herself up big time, sexual prowess, etc) and me (all good traits became bad, all bad traits became worse).

Just go into hyper mode, hit the gym, keep your head and don't let on anything to her until it's time to lower the boom. I look back and see how helpful the anger and adrenaline was for me in that time. Use it.
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EHuntIMF

Thank you so much! The earliest i can probably get the VAR is tomorrow. We only have 1 car and she drops me off to class tonight. i leave directly from work to class on tuesday, but i will get the VAR after my afternoon class on wednesday. I haven`t slept at all last night, trying to figure out how to get the info off the phone and what they talk about. i have been praying and trying to keep a smile on my face when i am around her. she keeps looking at me like i disgust her and doesn`t even want to kiss me or touch me. i will try not to take things to heart, but it still sucks in feeling like my marriage is going to end. the $600 bucks for the PI will take some time to get, but i know it would be a good investment. thanks for everyones heIp will try to make sure i follow the steps and not be hard headed about this. this pain just sux
Posted via Mobile Device also sham: do you recommend any particular keylogger, i know i will have a few hours to myself on saturday with her laptop. how would i get the info off the keylogger after its installed?

EHuntIMF

Question for the group: Its currently day 3 since I found the pics on my wife's phone. Every since then I tried to look at the phone, but everything is erased and by the looks of it everything is on the up and up, but the phone records says otherwise. Has anyone else been in the same situation of trying to gather evidence, but it seems to take forever? How do you stop doubting yourself and what you are trying to do in order to not give up?

Just seeking some thoughts....Just seem like the days are getting longer inbetween times of trying to get to her phone

Almostrecovered

She obviously knows you're onto her and is covering it.
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Rob774

Stay strong... be vigalent!!! Just because she's gotten better at hiding her dirt, doesn't mean this has all gone away. At best, she may be thinking your snooping on her phone, she won't be prepared for the voice recorder. Shame you can't get 2, because you know she calls him the second she drops you off, so i'd want to put one in the car as well, under the seat.

But you are on the right track, gather all your evidence first... than approach her. Her response will tell you if your marriage is worth saving. Pain and regret... well there's still a chance. Gaslighting, Anger of trying to "flip the script" ... well that should tell you all you need to know about your chances. Good luck, following some of these stories keeps us readers on the edge of our seats, sorry to read that you have to go through this though.

tacoma

It`s frustrating but the very fact that she is selectively deleting texts is evidence she`s up to no good.

Keep at it and get that VAR.

Shamwow

3 days seems like an eternity right now, but keep your head and get your evidence calmly and smoothly. If it takes a week or two (which i doubt it will) it'll seem like a short time in the grand scheme. No need to be all smiles with her, but I wouldn't go straight cold with her either, you want her to continue as if all is normal. At least be thankful he's not across town. You have time. You're doing well, keep it up and know this will get better, whatever the ultimate outcome.

Individual counseling helped me a lot, maybe quietly set up an appt with a therapist for tomorrow or Fri if possible to get some of this off your chest?
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TRy

You had enough evidence right there and let it get away. Next time take her phone into another room and send them to you. It does not matter if she finds out what you are doing because you should have confronted her on the spot anyway.

I do not understand the logic of collecting enough evidence so that she cannot deny it. What difference does it make if she admits to it or not? You saw it. You know what it going on. Act on it right now. You do not need her approval to do what you know is the right thing to do. She does not care about what you think, why do you care so much about what she thinks?

Dadof3

Agree with TRy here. What diff does it make it you catch her banging the OM vs. finding a used condom in your bed and u don't use them. (I use this as an analogy). If u see smoke, don't wait for the house to burn down before calling the fire dept.

Any picting / sexting from W to others is def cheating. Don't put up with it already!