Re: Wife is having an EA and sending Pics....Please Help!
I can only speak from personal experience, but I tried several "soft" confrontations before getting all the evidence I needed...wouldn't say it did harm, but it certainly dragged out the situation for longer than it should've. I needed that hard evidence because I loved my W and my marriage, and didn't think I'd be able to live with the decision to drop the bomb on it without knowing for sure that I was maiking an informed decision. For example - she had explicit pics on her phone. There were pics sent to OM. But EHunt, despite the overwhelming probability (or certainty) that the explicit pics were sent to OM, he doesn't KNOW that for sure. I needed to know. I think lots of people would need to know. Some don't. That's cool too. Handling a situation like this in a manner you won't be comfortable with when looking back in the future is something many people think about.
Who cares if she gaslights? EHunt does! I did. My W was darn good at it, and she did turn me around a few times (insert beta comment here - I know)...EHunt wants to avoid this, especially since he's stated his W is stubborn, proud and I'm guessing very smart. Doesn't make him beta to know this - just means he is taking the whole picture in before blowing up and showing all his cards. I don't see anything wrong with that. Sure, if he were more b*lls to the wall Alpha from the get-go, he would've pounced on it and crushed in a way that she respected...but as TAM can prove, many men find themselves beta-ized to a degree after years of marriage, and it's a learning process no matter who you are. (EHunt - not saying this describes you...it described me though when my SHTF...I don't think you can go all Alpha without laying the groundwork first, or you can come across as crazy. It's an artform that takes time to engrain into your personality before it's more natural).
If your W had a trip to MN planned, the clock would be ticking more than it is. Right now I actually do think time is on your side, but you certainly don't want to avoid it and see what happens a few weeks or months down the road. Gather, gather, gather. Then see a lawyer. Then lift some weights, get a good night's sleep and then confront her.
Have you called the OM's number from a payphone yet (preferably from a different area code than your W's number)? If you get his name you may be able to save a lot of PI money in finding out his situation. Have someone else call from a different area code if you want. Just try to get his VM greeting and get a name. Heck, maybe he even says his business info in the greeting. If you reach him personally, say "Is this Rob (or whatever name sounds good at the moment)? He might say no this is ___ (but prob not). Then "oops wrong number" and hang up. Try again some other time.
You're doing well...