I never thought I would be on here posting, but here it goes......REALLY LONG with background
Wife and I have been married 8 years (9 in Jan.) and we have had the normal ups and down in a marriage. About 3 years ago I had a female friend who I worked with, my wife had described it as a EA, which I subsequently cut off and we went to counseling. The timing of the text and phone calls between us was suspect, but the content of it was harmless, but since my wife found it hurtful I responded to her request and cut off all contact. We went to counseling (We are both spiritual/religious people) and seem to work out our issues and had a stronger marriage. 1 year later, My wife went on a weight loss program and lost over 120lbs and still losing more. She has expressed about joining a gym, but when she had mentioned that, I had a funny feeling about my wife (call it a gut feeling) and began to check phone records....There was a unusually high number of text from one number, and I began to snoop. broke the code on her phone and found some inappropriate text messages, but at the time I didn't have a way to save them. I brought the issue up and she gave me a vague answer about how some of the people she plays with (She's a World of Warcraft Gamer) text her and other members in their "guild" and she and 1 of the guys did have a few inappropriate text, but that she would cut off all contact. She did a NC text/ letter to him and the number disappeared from the bills. We talked about the problems (no counseling this time,[ mistake, I know]) and seem to move past it. Which brings me to the current situation, about 2 months ago (Aug.) The same feeling I had from the last time came back. She was distant from me and began to basically disparage our marriage and saying things like "I wish we would not have gotten married so soon" (We married at 22 & 23 y.o respectively) "I feel trapped in where we live", "I wish I could start over somewhere else" etc.... I took notice of this and tried to talk to her about her feelings and where we were lacking (decent jobs, all bills payed, Just took a surprise trip for her BDay) and she basically shut down on me. I didn't want to press her, but I did begin looking at the cell bills again. What do you know same thing, different number! Now I have been checking periodically on her phone for a year because I had the code, but when I tried to check this time, the code had changed (Red Flag). I then noticed that a whole lot of pictures have been going back and forth between them, but since I didn't have access to her phone I just keep a copy of the bills since Aug (when this started). I have been actively trying to break the code again and was finally able to yesterday (while she was in the shower) There were some photos on her phone of herself (1 risque & 1 explicit) which were never sent to me, but the records show a whole lot of photos have been exchanging between her and this guy. There were a couple of more instances of where she began talking negatively about the marriage and then the dreaded (I am no longer in love with you [Oct. 21st, 2011]). At that point I kept my cool, but knew another guy was in the picture. I had went back to school in August, so our time together has been limited (one of the reasons she stated she was not happy). I was not able to send the photos to my phone yesterday because she was getting out of the shower, so I had to close everything down. I had already begun an exercise program, and it has allowed me to blow off steam and stay motivated to be a better me, if and when this all blows up. I checked the phone this morning, but all the texts & pic she sent and received from this guy had been erased. She has also been talking to him on the cell when I am at school or at church (yes I am getting a VAR with my next paycheck) The problem(s) I have is that she is erasing the texts and pics, I want to put a keylogger on her laptop, but I don't know of a good one and I am afraid that she will find it (she is kinda tech savvy) What other steps do I take from here? My current plan is to 1) lay low (put on a smiling face) and collect as much evidence as I can. 2) Start moving money in another account and buy a car (we only have the one and its in her name only) 3) Expose the affair and making demands. I tried a reverse look-up on the POSOM cell phone number , but all I get is a city and state (number is in Minnesota, and we live on the east coast) I am torn because of the betrayal and I can not sleep at night, and my studies are starting to be affected. I love my wife and I can admit, I have been somewhat of a doormat for the majority of our marriage, but since reading NMMNG and Married Man Sex Life (Athol) I have been making changes to Alpha. What do I do and how long do I let this go while collecting evidence, because my heart and ego are being punished with all the "mind movies" about what they are talking about and pictures they are sending. I am sorry for it being so long, but I wanted everyone to have all the info (including my mistakes) so that you can give me advice with all the information and background. Don't hold back, I read through Sham's thread and I was inspired, so please feel free to share whatever you have for me.
Wife and I have been married 8 years (9 in Jan.) and we have had the normal ups and down in a marriage. About 3 years ago I had a female friend who I worked with, my wife had described it as a EA, which I subsequently cut off and we went to counseling. The timing of the text and phone calls between us was suspect, but the content of it was harmless, but since my wife found it hurtful I responded to her request and cut off all contact. We went to counseling (We are both spiritual/religious people) and seem to work out our issues and had a stronger marriage. 1 year later, My wife went on a weight loss program and lost over 120lbs and still losing more. She has expressed about joining a gym, but when she had mentioned that, I had a funny feeling about my wife (call it a gut feeling) and began to check phone records....There was a unusually high number of text from one number, and I began to snoop. broke the code on her phone and found some inappropriate text messages, but at the time I didn't have a way to save them. I brought the issue up and she gave me a vague answer about how some of the people she plays with (She's a World of Warcraft Gamer) text her and other members in their "guild" and she and 1 of the guys did have a few inappropriate text, but that she would cut off all contact. She did a NC text/ letter to him and the number disappeared from the bills. We talked about the problems (no counseling this time,[ mistake, I know]) and seem to move past it. Which brings me to the current situation, about 2 months ago (Aug.) The same feeling I had from the last time came back. She was distant from me and began to basically disparage our marriage and saying things like "I wish we would not have gotten married so soon" (We married at 22 & 23 y.o respectively) "I feel trapped in where we live", "I wish I could start over somewhere else" etc.... I took notice of this and tried to talk to her about her feelings and where we were lacking (decent jobs, all bills payed, Just took a surprise trip for her BDay) and she basically shut down on me. I didn't want to press her, but I did begin looking at the cell bills again. What do you know same thing, different number! Now I have been checking periodically on her phone for a year because I had the code, but when I tried to check this time, the code had changed (Red Flag). I then noticed that a whole lot of pictures have been going back and forth between them, but since I didn't have access to her phone I just keep a copy of the bills since Aug (when this started). I have been actively trying to break the code again and was finally able to yesterday (while she was in the shower) There were some photos on her phone of herself (1 risque & 1 explicit) which were never sent to me, but the records show a whole lot of photos have been exchanging between her and this guy. There were a couple of more instances of where she began talking negatively about the marriage and then the dreaded (I am no longer in love with you [Oct. 21st, 2011]). At that point I kept my cool, but knew another guy was in the picture. I had went back to school in August, so our time together has been limited (one of the reasons she stated she was not happy). I was not able to send the photos to my phone yesterday because she was getting out of the shower, so I had to close everything down. I had already begun an exercise program, and it has allowed me to blow off steam and stay motivated to be a better me, if and when this all blows up. I checked the phone this morning, but all the texts & pic she sent and received from this guy had been erased. She has also been talking to him on the cell when I am at school or at church (yes I am getting a VAR with my next paycheck) The problem(s) I have is that she is erasing the texts and pics, I want to put a keylogger on her laptop, but I don't know of a good one and I am afraid that she will find it (she is kinda tech savvy) What other steps do I take from here? My current plan is to 1) lay low (put on a smiling face) and collect as much evidence as I can. 2) Start moving money in another account and buy a car (we only have the one and its in her name only) 3) Expose the affair and making demands. I tried a reverse look-up on the POSOM cell phone number , but all I get is a city and state (number is in Minnesota, and we live on the east coast) I am torn because of the betrayal and I can not sleep at night, and my studies are starting to be affected. I love my wife and I can admit, I have been somewhat of a doormat for the majority of our marriage, but since reading NMMNG and Married Man Sex Life (Athol) I have been making changes to Alpha. What do I do and how long do I let this go while collecting evidence, because my heart and ego are being punished with all the "mind movies" about what they are talking about and pictures they are sending. I am sorry for it being so long, but I wanted everyone to have all the info (including my mistakes) so that you can give me advice with all the information and background. Don't hold back, I read through Sham's thread and I was inspired, so please feel free to share whatever you have for me.